Posted by
CSZR
15 yrs ago
I am just confusing that all of foreigners want to hook much more Chinese girls here,though they have familiys on other side. Do they think it is a popular, it is common and they should take time to enjoy"happy"here!
The man can hide everything very well so that you fall in love with him and seriously keep the relation. However, when you found that he is a big liar, just a professional actor in the relation. You will definetly can not belive your eyes , your feeling and everything. You will not believe all of the men. You will become to sophisticated. You start to "play"...
So mess world, i have no idea where is the responsibility ,where is the respection!
Just go out and do not spot your country reputation here!
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ah ... a nice case of stereotyping
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I have been in Asia for well over 10 years, and I haven't found a single guy who would come here and NOT cheat on his wife, and trust me, I met hundreds of foreigners.
I think the worst is the way they pretend to have "relationships" with the locals, and many of them, when they are caught by their girlfriend, still tell her that she is the one he loves and will leave his wife "soon"...all to keep a good thing going for as long as possible.
The trick is simple. By the time the local girl finds out that he is a liar and a cheater, he already took what he wanted. It doesn't matter whether he loses her or not, because in a week he will have someone else and starts all over again.
I am a guy, and this is my advice for girls: Western women "usually" don't give sex until she has been dating the guy for a while (read months). It does not make sense for a cheater to wait that long for sex, so he will move on to someone more "accesible".
Another trick: If he talks about getting married in the future to get to your pants, ask him for an exact date. If he can't give you a date, he is simply lying.
Good luck!
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Unfortunately, I think this story is replayed daily all over the world. I have heard similar tales in Europe, Australia and Asia. Be warned and do your homework before you commit yourself to any relationship. Make contact with his family back home and if possible visit him in his home country before you give your heart away. Sometimes the steriotype "zero to hero" is true ie zero at home but a hero in a foreign setting.
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sicn
15 yrs ago
I agree with julen_larsen's observation. The other day I visit a big website for asian to date foriegners, There about 8 millions registered in China more than 0 times of the neigoring populated countries. So there are a lot of niave Chinese women eagerly wanting to hook up with "foriegners" maybe for hopes of a break to their lives. And those "foriegners" are just placating them. Sad but true, it happened so much often than other places.
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Julen Larsen, I find part of what you said unbelievable:
"Western women "usually" don't give sex until she has been dating the guy for a while (read months). It does not make sense for a cheater to wait that long for sex, so he will move on to someone more "accesible"."
rofl.... so Western women are such pure angelic creatures whilst local women are easy? Yeah, right! rofl
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I am fed up with ppl coming up with such racist comments on here, blaming the men's infidelity on the other women. It has nothing to do with that.
When someone feels the need to look around, it is because the existing relationship is no longer fulfilling them. If it is true love and working, one does not feel the need to do so. If I were a racist like a few posters are here, I can always say, "May be the western wives at home are not good enough? Plain fat, unattractive, arrogant, smelly, bossy and manipulative, withholding sex so that they could squeeze money out of their husbands!" Afterall, that has been the comments I have been hearing from a lot of such married western men here.
But to say so, will make me as much a racist and self-deceiving person as those who just say caucasian men cheat cos local women are easy. Look at it rationally. Moving to another country is a big change and people change as they adapt to their new environment. So, it is very easy for people to grow apart after such big changes. How many college sweethearts go on to marry each other and stay married for life?
Cheating is easy and more visible to others these days only because the internet makes it easier and easier for everyone to see as well. SO basically, more ppl do it cos it is easy and more ppl can see others doing it because the sites are public and when more ppl see other doing it, the whole behaviour is normalised and the vicious cycle goes on and on.
So stop saying / implying local women are easy and western women are saintly pure. It just shows how naive, self-deceiving and self-righteous you are. Take some responsibility for what is happening, rather than blaming others.
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I am also fed up with the rhetoric that all western men here are screwing around. Maybe it is a case of 'bird of a feather flock together', all but one of the expats I know are not screwing around. The exception is a single guy.
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tutorjoanna,
1. How many western women have you dated?
2. When did I say western women are angels?
All I am saying, living in western and asian countries for many years, is that Asian women are exponentially easier to go to bed to. This is not an insult to Asian woman, but is a simple reality. Sure I had it on the first date with western women, but in Asia that is the norm.
I guarantee you that if an Asian girl don't give it so easily she will weed out "bad boys".
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Let's put this into perspective. Everyone has an agenda. The point is do you see and respect the agenda's of your partners or acquaintances. Local men need to understand that local women may go for an expat because they are treated better, fetish, tend to be educated as a group and generally are paid well. Expat men go for local women because they are the majority, something different (tired of monotony) and fetish.
Expat men are empowered by money and status whilst abroad. They were sexual losers in their home countries and now see themselves as "Brad Pitt" to the locals.
Local women have the widely reported appetite for material and status. Yes this is a generalisation but this is the only place where I have been approached with the line, "how much money do you make?" If your goal is a successful and generous man above anything else then you deserve what you get. This is the same sad song across the entire world. If you were lied to, dump him and move on. Everyone, both sexes, is a jerk in some way.
Put these two forces together and you have emotional turmoil. Neither party is more guilty than the other. You have to empower yourself to want what you want but realise others have needs as well. My wife is an Asian American. She doesn't put up with B.S. and was far more difficult to entice than a caucasian, so it has nothing to do with genes. Local men should treat their wives and mistresses (you know it...) better so expats don't fill the void. Expat men need to realise this immediate jump in status and caste is fleeting and does not prove happiness.
To the people getting personally offended this is an advice forum based on opinion and life experiences so calling people racist or sexist is showing your lack of a cohesive argument. The predators are both expat men and local women.
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Julien_larsen, let me guess, you have been dating hookers? lol It is actually generally considered inappropriate by decent local girls here to sleep with guys so soon. And staying overnight at a guy's place is going to create some reputation for the local girl. All these are a western thing. Read some local newspapers. Of course, western men will get a different impression as they have a high tendency to pick up half drunk women from clubs. If they go to a club in the UK or USA or wherever in the West, I suspect it is going to be the same thing. Your own personal experience does not make it a general fact applicable to all women here. You remind me of a Chinese idiom which says something about a frog living in a well.
Byechicago, what's wrong with calling a racist a racist? He was generalising based on personal experience and sounding all high and mighty asking asian women to learn from Western women and thereby implying that western women don't sleep on early dates whereas asian women do. That is generalisation based on racial differentiation. That is racism by any name of it. It is a cohesive argument.
Local women have money on agenda? It was not so long ago that some men advertising for employed women that got bashed here by some women. Why local women alone? I remember ppl, me included, saying that that was personal preference, so what's wrong with that. Different ppl have different criteria. If the said girl is a high flying executive, I doubt if it will work at all if she ends up dating someone who is more average.
As for the expats here being once sexual losers in their own countries, I doubt that was the case for the ones that actually are successful here. Most of the expats who are successful with women here are high achievers, and are likely to be a success sexually speaking in their own countries.
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tutorjoanna,
you did notice that the original poster as well as julen_larsen are based in Shanghai and not Hong Kong, right? there might be a disagreement simply based on location...
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Tutorjoanna,
"If the said girl is a high flying executive, I doubt if it will work at all if she ends up dating someone who is more average." This show's misandry as the basis of your argument. Could you not be special to a man that makes more money? Would you accept a male saying you are too average for him?
An expat in this case is anyone not of Hong Kong origin (not local). Western means you are a citizen of a Western country. Are you assuming "expat" or "Western" stands for caucasian? Isn't that a little racist. You seem to be emotionally involved and have strong bias in this topic. Could you be making generalisations about Westerners? Is Julen_larsen acting any more "high and mighty" than you? Is your opinion shrouded in any more fact than anyone's? You seem to be very comfortable in your belief that expat's are racist, sexist dogs. All I am saying is that both parties are guilty.
I am an expat who DOES NOT SEE LOCAL WOMEN demean themselves as the stereotypes claim. My office is full of single (not wearing rings) HK women and they, in my view, are not presenting themselves, in the office, as sexually promiscuous, man-hunters. I do not agree that local women are easy compared to the West. I do believe that they hold material wealth and status far to high as the foudation for a relationship. This is to their, and local HK men's, detriments. By stating that local men are looking for successful women is not a justification for women doing the same if the action does not provide happiness.
I agree that we generalise with our own opinions. I was sticking up for local women regarding expat men as sexual losers abroad. That was a critique of their sudden escalation in perceived prowess once they enter Hong Kong. Western culture generally allows women to treat men as idiots at the beginning of a relationship irrespective of wealth. Maybe Western men seek out HK women's non confronting attitudes. We would not be having this discussion if there was no truth in all of these posts.
I have become too loquacious and will end it here. Good luck.
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Girls that specifically target western guys get what they deserve. especially if they get picked up at a bar. There may be exceptions to the rule but generally the "good" catches do not allow themselves to be picked up at a bar (be it western or otherwise).
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Someone one said "men aren't faithful; they just don't have any other options" And while a lot of men do not fool around when presented with temptations, quite a few do. suggesting all do, is a load of crap.
Women who blindly seek expat men (whether white skinned or not) get what they deserve. There are a lot of HK and Taiwanese Chinese men fooling around in China, so this is not a Caucasian problem. Blaming "all foreigners" shows not just racism, but also ignorance of the facts.
There are two parties involved in any illicit liaison; both have their motives, and both are to share the blame.
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flashback, the entire premise of this thread is a series of emotive generalizations, designed to get people reacting. you're an optimist looking for sophistication here !
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CSZR
15 yrs ago
CaptDave, Is it meaningful to designed a topic or what to catch people's eyes! The forum has two functions:1) Express or abreact here 2)Draw attention to the ones with a bad habit.
Another, The truth is from argument!
Lastly, do not think the others have free time to do childish acts as u meantioned.
THX
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CSZR this is supposed to be an "advice forum", exactly what kind of advice are you seeking ?
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CSZR
You wrote "Lastly, do not think the others have free time to do childish acts as u meantioned."
Yes some people do this. On the internet it is called 'trolling'. Google the 'trolling' and see what comes up.
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FLASHBACK, I am not sure who OP is, CSZR started this thread. CSZR has not asked for any advice, rather s/he is giving it.
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OP = Original Poster. It is easier to use OP than scroll to the top of the page for sometimes obscure user names.
I also think CSZR is not looking for advice, more venting her spleen perhaps.
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hey CSZR, what are you doing later tonight. (just kidding.)
To me, this isn't really anyone's fault it's just an unfortunate turn of events. We talk in generalizations because we don't have a specific person to talk about. I think that is perfectly reasonable. So, humour me for another few words.
You, as the voice of the Asian woman, say that the Western men play you.. Cheat on their wives and families with you, and take advantage of you etc.. Well, I ask you, how many of these married 'Western men' have been seduced by Asian women that knowingly did it for whatever ulterior motives they may of had?
I just don't think it's as cut and dry as you think it is. It's just an unfortunate development of supply and demand.. as it just so happens, on average, foreign men here in Asia have more 'supply' in money. If asian men had the same average high amounts of money, I don't think asian women would be as attracted to the foreigners. As such, the white guys are in high demand. It's all quite simple really. It's just economics.
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CSZR
15 yrs ago
I hate the ones who hold"foreign men have good economy background, so ...". I agree finance is needed, however, inner beauty and self-cultivation is much more important though u r male or female. We have no way to stop the time changing us to be old but we can school our soul tranquil, elegant and pure which is eternal and attractive. Superficial man has nothing to show when he is naked, just a most common guy. Except money, he is extremely poor! So please stop to show off how much rich u r !
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it appears CSZR hasn't posted anything since this thread.... I hope she is over her problems...
If she came to this thread seeking kindred spirits to lend a listening ear, she must have been very disappointed. She got a lively debate, and level of intellectual rigor greater than most universities.
Relationships bring us life's greatest joys, but also the greatest bitterness.
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