Posted by
balzac
18 yrs ago
Well,
Here's a sequel to a challenging plot.
Mr Aries is also on antidepressants, though on a mild once daily dose.I think he's been taking it for 1-2 years.
While I have no problems with this, having had no prior experience (or bad experience) with medicated people. Should I?
He seems totally fine, very extroverted, outgoing and has many friends. Too early to test the mood swing thing.
*drums fingers*
Anyone on long term antidepressants or have partners on it, care to share your experience?
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From my experience, as long as they maintain their medication and take measures to 'lift' their mood (i.e. diet and exercise) you should be OK.
I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
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How long have you known this guy??
Because you'd know it yourself depending on the time you've spent with him!
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tia
18 yrs ago
My husband takes anti-d's as well. His are pretty strong and they can have some not nice sexual side effects.
When he goes off them, the mood swings and the possible downs start again. His temper is shorter when he is off them and he's not interested in doing much.
As his partner, you can offer support as much as possible and let him know that you're there for him. Accept that this disease is part of his life and if he gets cranky/down/short with you, know that it is not HIM but the illness or possible change in medication.
My hubby is currently off them and he's experiencing a bit of a down swing. He knows I am there when he needs me and that is the best I can do at the moment, other than trying to keep things as normal as possible.
DO a google search for depression in men. There are quite a few websites out there for some good reading.
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tia
18 yrs ago
I agree with JC. If he is on meds, he is at least aware that he has a condition that he needs to deal with. If he is going well, is peppy and fun and things seem to be ok with him, his meds are working and his problems should be minimal. Be concerned if he stops taking them for no reason.
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Well, I did say, if you just started dating him and are aware of his condition and also not comfortable with it, you should call it quits.
No one gets into these issues with their eyes wide open, unless you're deeply involved with him and madly in love!
My point is, although as a good citizen of the world one should take on these responsibilities and carry them out with a smile, one has to sometimes put oneself before these duties. One has to be selfish when it concerns long term happiness. As JC wrote about her dad, do you really want him to shoot himself or you, in one of his low periods?? I think I did rather lead and happy and stress free life!
Altruism can be saved for other areas of your life, not worth it in your personal relationships when you've a choice.
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maxis
18 yrs ago
Many many peopelm are on antidepressants and you would not even know. Sure, it is a little more scary than diabetes for a partner, but one must remain objective.
If you really lke him for who he is (and remember the mediacated person IS who he really is!) and he has been responsible and honest so as to tell you, then really what is the problem.
And remember, even if you date and and evenmarry someone who is not on medication that does not mean they won't require it later in life anyhow.
So you could say it is better with him than dating some nutter who aint medicated but requires it really (or is that too auturistic ha ha).
No really, give him a go regardless and support him if you like him and wanted to date him before you knew about his meds.
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zonked-not long enough. I've only just met him.
We went on a wierd first date where we walked about our past transgressions/sins and he related this panic attack incident which occured a few years ago. He was splitting up with his wife and had been mildly depressed for sometime. Unlike most first dates where one tries to be all charming and show good sides, we clicked because of this weird honesty.
He exercises daily and is physicaly fit. I like him a lot and am attracted to him immensely.He said he's crazy about me. I'm very reserved with my feelings and I think and worry too much which is why you see the questions I've posted on the forums the past 2 days.
I'm not a 'spring chicken' chicken anymore and each choice that I make at this age (late 20's)will highly impact my life.
I dont think I can handle a needy and overly emotional person, honestly. So far I have not seen him as a needy or emotional person yet.
But I'd like to keep my options open and I wont rush into things. I know this 'non' spontaniety kills the fun a bit but hey- I'm not getting any younger.
Right now I am tryig to ascertain if there is any other thing going for us besides just sharing similar interests and the attraction.
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tia
18 yrs ago
Balzac: You have to respect that he is being very honest with you as well, as some girls would be scared off by a confession that large.
My husband told me within a week of meeting me about his depression and being on meds. Yeah, I wondered about the future, the dependency, the possible pitfalls. I appreciated his honesty.
If he is admitting it to you, in my opinion, he is aware that this could be a concern for some girls and he is letting you know that he has it under control. This is a good thing. He's not hiding it, which some men might do.
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have you ever considered that he's only on anti depressants temporarily? the way it sounds you're all assuming there's a serious psychological condition here, maybe its just situational depression and a doctor has recommended he take meds for 2 years or so to help him get through a difficult period in his life.
just a thought before you go freaking out and talking about lifetime support and PTSD related issues.
then again it might be and thats what you have to be prepared to accept.
I agree with tia: "If he is admitting it to you, in my opinion, he is aware that this could be a concern for some girls and he is letting you know that he has it under control. This is a good thing. He's not hiding it, which some men might do. " <-- to me he sounds like a good guy
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Sent you a PM, balzac. Please check ASAP.
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My apologies, JC. Missed the ''friend's'' part.
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Aijin, you're really ignorant about chemical psychiatry.
The evidence that pharmaceutcals help for mood/personality disorders far more than they harm is overwhelming.
There is in fact damage being done to people who need the meds who are not getting them.
It's like a diabetic not getting the insulin they need!
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hi again- yes I agree I should be thankful he's being honest to me. Tidings2-very interesting point.
Aijin-to answer your question, I think the trigger was a panic attack he had.
JC- yes I know a few people who could use some medication. Sometimes I wonder if I am one of them!
Tia-well he did say the first 6 weeks taking the meds he had zero libido but it normalised after that. You mentioned 'not very nice sexual affects', I can guess the most obvious one, but how do you handle it?
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tia
18 yrs ago
The biggest problem is his inability to finish. Oh, I know, he can last forever, but if he is not climaxing, it is not entirely fun/enjoyable for him, so he gets frustrated. Plus, being on the anti-d's, as his are pretty strong, means his overall feeling is very meh, so mentally, he's not really into it.
I admit, at first, I handled it badly. I was selfish and since we are not together all the time, I wanted to spend all our time in bed together. I got more than cranky and that was not fair. I'm more aware of the side effects and he is more aware of my needs as well, so together, we're working on a way to make sure all needs are met and looked after. It's not easy and I still get annoyed, but it's better than before.
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cujo
18 yrs ago
I have taken anti-depressants periodically over the last ten years to deal with serious bouts of depression that I have suffered at least since my late teens (which was a lot more than 10 years ago). Without question they have smoothed out the down periods. Unfortunately, my wife shares the opinion first expressed above by Aijin, and it thus has been a significant source of friction in our marriage.
Other than moderating bouts of depression, the biggest difference I see when I am taking pills is that I do not have the flashes of anger that I often have when I am not taking them. I am thankful to report that the pills (prozac and welbutrin) in no way affected my sex drive or ability to perform. A casual acquaintance probably would not see any difference in me whether I was taking the pills or not.
I am a bit surprised by some of the reactions in this thread. I am not sure that it even would have crossed my mind to tell a new g/f that I was taking meds (not an issue that I had to consider since I was married.) I don't think I would have hidden the fact, but I don't think that I would thought it was even worth mentioning; I simply did not consider it such a big deal. I definitely think that they made me easier to live with and improved the quality of my life, regardless of my wife's objections.
I would offer one warning. I decided to just stop taking prozac several years ago. I soon found myself more subject to flashes of anger than ever before - even to the point getting into a couple of fistfights, something I never had really done before and am much too "mature" to be doing now. (Late 20s Balzac? Sorry to disappoint you, but you're still a spring chicken!) I discussed the situation with my doctor, who told me that I needed to wean myself off of prozac by lowering the dosage that I was taking over a period of 2-3 months. I did that and it worked just fine.
So from my perspective, balzac,I would say that you should not let this influence your feelings towards Mr. Aires. Good luck.
Now, where did I put my axe?
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tia
18 yrs ago
Cujo: It's good that they have worked for you. I am willing to bet that if the medication had not had a sexual side effect, my hubby might not have mentioned it to me as well. There are somethings you can't hide that well.
Aijin: No, I am not worried at all. I know what is happening, how he is dealing with it and we talk about it easily enough. If anything, I worry more not being there because it puts undue stress on us and it upsets him. I'm not a depression cure, but he does feel better with me around than he does when I am gone for a long time.
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tia
18 yrs ago
p.s. Balzac: I replied to your PM.
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tia
18 yrs ago
WOW! Those must have been some pills. The change in my husband is not so drastic. On them, he is slower to anger/get annoyed than when he is off them. He admits that his emotions are more meh than usual, but he is still able to empathize and it does not make him self-centered.
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"Now balzac’s guy has had a panic attack… I do not know how serious but unless he was endangering himself or others or felt he had the capacity to do so then really is being sedated the answer? Why not try to tackle the root cause of the outburst?… after all not many of us could say that we have not lost it at some time for whatever reason and subsequently worked it out and learnt from it…"
Aijin, you DO know that most anti-depressants these days are not sedatives, right!?
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I take anti-depressants and I'm in a good solid living together relationship. The sexual side-effects are a benefit in that they make me 'last' longer.
Don't worry about it. Go for it.
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Balzac - instead of worrying how things will be why not take one step at a time. Drugs or not. Get to know him and enjoy each other's company. Fundamentally he wont change.
Be glad that he is honest and upfront. Not many people are like that. These characteristics already score high for me.
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Actually, despite the fact that I preached the benefits of psych meds, I took prozac for several months, up to a pretty high dose, and it didn't help at all, and I stopped. No withdrawal or tantrums or episodes for me, though.
I found out that my depression was situational, not chemical.
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Balzac,
Perhaps you are over-reacting a bit. Just because the guy is on anti-depressants doesn't mean he is an alien or is about to murder someone if he forgets to take his pills.
I have been on anti-depressants for over a year, and it doesn't mean I'm a headcase, it's just because I had a series of horrible events in my life in a short period and found it hard to cope. Depression can be clinically diagnosed with 9 symptoms, and you don't have to have all symptoms to be diagnosed as depressed. It doesn't seem like you have asked him about it, or even asked him why he is depressed. I think it's probably quite a nice thing on his behalf that he has told you because it shows that he doesn't think you will judge him or run to others for advice!! Is he mistaken???
I am Aussie, and I can tell you that approx 60% of Aussies are on anti-depressants, so if you were to go there (not sure where you are from) then over-reacting would do you no good, because it's fairly standard. (Yes Aijin even guys are on anti-depressants in Oz...it doesnt mean they aren't stong or protectors, it just means that they are human and capable of emotions too!!!).
Balzac, just give the guy a go. It all sounds pretty normal to me.
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tia
18 yrs ago
Aijin: You're raise a good point. Many people do rely on drugs as a crutch. Doctors dole them out too easily in some cases.
I had a really bad couple of months awhile back. I was miserable. When talking to my hubby, he warned me about going to a doc straight away because he feared a doc would throw me on anti-d's ASAP and that might not be what I need. He admitted that despite what his doctor says, he stops them for periods of time because he really does not think he needs them as much as the doc says he does, but he knows that they help his chemical imbalance. Yes, they work, but he is also very careful to not become dependent on them.
And I agree, we do need to spend more time focusing on the good in our lives. Look at the threads in here. It's MUCH easier to bemoan our problems than to celebrate our successes.
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