How do you tell your friends about your problems?

I daresay that this sounds like a silly question, but I need some advice.


I have a lot of things on my mind at the moment, and as a result am rather depressed.There are a couple of people I could broach it with but don't really know how.


I'm always in the role of listener and advice giver, but I find it hard to ask for help.Should I wait for someone to ask what's wrong or ask a friend to go for a drink with me, so I can talk to them?I usually just carry on and hide what I'm feeling, but think that this is no longer a realistic option.


I actually told a friend a week ago that I was feeling down, and she asked me what was wrong, but it was a bad time to talk as there were other people around.I was kind of hoping she'd ask me this week if I was okay, but she hasn't.I'm not blaming her- maybe she's just wating for me to go back to her.


As you might guess, very poor self esteem lies at the root of this-I don't even know how to ask for help, and worry that I'm 'imposing'on people.


What should I do?


Thanks.

Elise-

Don't allow too much time to pass before you find a friend to talk to. Friends cannot read minds, but they can listen when you speak. Give your friend to opportunity to listen to you by arranging a meeting in a place where you can speak freely. best wishes.

Life's a rollercoaster - everyone feels up and down sometimes (for some the variations are bigger and longer than others) - I think it's even more so in HK. A lot of people hide troubles well in the same way people hide money issues, relationship issues etc etc...


If you feel down, the first thing to realise is you're not the only one who feels like you do - others do and some show it, some don't.


The second thing to realise is it's hard to carry troubles on your own so... if you can talk to a friend great but if that isn't possible (eg new to HK) or isn't appropriate (eg not something you comfortable with) go to a counsellor - they won't think you're odd or weird - people come at them all day with problems which probably seem insurmountable but hopefully aren't...


We've all been there and a support network of friends or professionals will help you out. Good luck.

Elise,


Talk to your friends. Take them out for lunch one on one, have diner with a small group of your closest mates, whatever - just please let them know what is going on. You'd be amazed how many people are feeling the same as you but don't know how to start talking about it.


I used to be the one making people laugh, when actually I was so depressed and paralysed with self doubt that I could barely function. I also felt like a fraud for 'lying' to my friends, and pretending everything was alright. It took me to the roof of my appartment building. Luckily, instead of doing something silly I went to see a doctor and have been on medication since.


I was worried about the meds - I didn't want to be 'changed' or stoned or intollerably happy, but the doc found the right one for me and I am stable, confident and happy. I still face problems (like everyone else) but they don't seem overwhelming any more.


Talk to your friends before things get out of whack. I remember thinking that my friends and family would be happy for me if I stepped off the 11th floor, because I'd have found a way out of the pain and hopelessness I was feeling. Please don't let things get that bad, there really is no need to suffer.


You have options - your friends can offer love, help and support, but remember they probably aren't trained psychotherapists. You could probably also benefit from seeing a professional - there are several highly recommended therapists in HK. Medical intervention is also an option, I know for a fact that it saved my life. Get yourself sorted, whatever it takes.


A good mate, one I never thought would understand (rugby playing, steak eating alpha male) put it all in perspective for me over a beer, and the closest thing to an honest 'heart to heart' two men can have:-) He said that if you had high blood pressure, you wouldn't think twice about taking the right medicine for it, would you? So, what's different with this?


Let us know how you are doing.


El Lobo

I think you should figure out what makes you hesitate to open up, for examples reasons like....


TRUST - can't find someone whom you can trust? at least keep in confidence?

RELEVANCY - don't think others who will actually understand your problem / situation?

SKILLS - having no idea of how to express yourself / communicate?

PRIDE - sharing your difficulty with those who used to seek your advice is a show of weakness?

PESSIMISM - deep down you are afraid the problems are no way can be solved?


So do some reflections and straighten up a bit yourself first. And what do you expect to get when talking to people? Just venting the stream or looking for some real and practical solutions?


Friendship is always a good source of support, and giving a leg up is what it basically meant to be. However, if you really have nobody to turn to, then put your thought and feelings in writing can help with emtion relief either. For specific questions, seek professionals.

I saw this great saying the other day.

'Everyone HEARS what you have to say

Friends LISTEN to what you SAY,

Best Friends LISTEN to what you DON't SAY'

I thought it was lovely.

Elise, you must find some really close friends you can trust.

By and large in todays busy world friends are just people one meets more often to hang out with.....

All women need to have a bunch of close friends who support each other( I'm not saying men dont?- I dont know!!)

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems

that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences.

The friend who you were hoping would ask you if you were ok, probably felt she might be intruding, and wanted you to revisit the topic if you felt the need.

If you were really close, she might not have felt that way.

To begin, you need to talk to someone you feel will understand and then based on reactions and concern you will know who are your true friends.

Good Luck

Asking for help is never seen as ‘imposing’ on people. If your friend has already asked you how you were once then she is ready to be of help to you. An in addition if you are usually the one giving advice then there is no problem going to one of these people that you have helped and talk to them. I would contact one of them and ask them out for a drink, and just talk. You’ll be better after wards.