Posted by
instyle
18 yrs ago
Why is it so difficult to meet someone interesting enough to date? Men that I find interesting enough to date are either:
1) attached
2) not "date-able" due to work related
3) too young
4) player
Any comments?
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shaq
18 yrs ago
That's life, my dear!
Anything precious is difficult to find. You just have to dig deep. So, my advise is simple; keep digging. Someday, you'll find what you want.
Let's hope you wouldn't become 'old bones' soon though ... (just for laughs) :D.
ShaQ
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My criterias are normal since I am just a normal woman. Someone who:
1) has a job
2) has passion with is work and life
3) open minded, easy going, mature, knows what he wants
4) sense of humour
5) takes care of himself
too much to ask?
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I am not saying I am not able to get dates. I am saying men who I like and wish to date are not available due to what I have posted above.
Salty> I can't lower my standard any further since my standard is not that high in the first place. I have not try initiating conversation with a stranger (man) before, just could not bring myself to do it.
ShaQ> How and where to dig?
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I never have a problem dating the right people before. They might not turn out to be Mr Right for me but at least they are date-able and can be Mr Right for someone else. However, in HK, things are really different. I always feel the people in HK are "cloudy", not "solid". Both local and xpat. Is it just me?
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nande
18 yrs ago
I blame the haze...
HKphobia thus negative attitude affecting the outlook?
But will agree it is pretty thin on the ground here but that is the transient territory.
Scratch the surface though and there are some out there... Good luck and don't lose heart.
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Pritt
18 yrs ago
" I always feel the people in HK are "cloudy", not "solid". Both local and xpat. Is it just me? "
Agree with you totally. It must be the water!!
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And I thought it is the pollution.
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Pritt
18 yrs ago
Does that mean guys in China are even worse? - Since the pollution is worse there.
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shaq
18 yrs ago
It's all about unattainable standard settings; that is the REAL pollution.
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ShaQ > Enlightened me. How can my above criterias be unattainable? As an ave. woman myself, I could attain them. Would not say I am getting 100 out of 100 but at least on the right track. Are you saying above criterias are not realistic?
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Pritt
18 yrs ago
" One essential flaw in your criteria, a man that "knows what he wants". "
'cos 99.9% of them doesn't know what they want!
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shaq
18 yrs ago
InStyle >> Well, just as you wouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, you wouldn't get all the 'items' you want to see in a man in one 'earthly' man.
No one is perfect, including you, my dear!! So, while digging deep, cut down the standard.
There is no ready-made husbands/wives or bfs/gfs. You just have to make one for yourself, and that means a lot of work .... hence, the digging deep idea. So, go on, DIG DEEP .... :P
ShaQ
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I will have to disagree with ShaQ, sorry...
Like I have mentioned before, there are men who carry that qualities and I have dated them before, eslewhere not in HK. They do exist but smaller pool in HK, that's all.
However, I agree with you that there are in fact no ready made hubby/wify/gf/bf. I do not mind the hardwork, but before I make the vase, I want to make sure I am using the right clay.
Besides, the objective is to find the right person to date. Not lowering the standard so that you can get a date. There is a difference, you don't work backward.
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However, sometimes you never know the quality of the clay if you dont get to know them first.
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Fresh, you could be right, I sincerely hope...
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well, think of it this way. you're luckier coz you get dates, others dont
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You can have my dates if you want. Believe me, I won't even call them dates if you know who is asking.
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shaq
18 yrs ago
InStyle >> So, you may be attractive to guy you don't like; right? Have you ask yourself why??
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Well instyle...at least your dates call you after the dates, right?
I just went on one almost two weeks ago. Till now, I have not heard from him since the last time we parted. Even though he did claim that he is a slow worker. But two weeks and no call is TOO SLOW.
You see, instyle, dating is tough. My point is whether you are in HK, Asia, US or North Pole, dating is tough. You just have to continue to tread on until the right one comes along.
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Nemesis > I know the theory. The last time I kissed a frog, "poof" it turned into a toad.
ShaQ > I have been asking myself that question ever since I came to HK and I figured out why. My apperance is completely unlike my inner soul, agreed by all my close friends. Just because I dress up nicely does not mean I am a party gal. I read too. ha...
Fresh > Did you msg/ email him a note of thanks and how you enjoyed the time? I always do that irregardless how much I enjoy the date, I think it is always nice to know someone appreciates.
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13th!! That's funny!! instyle...DO not worry about how people perceive you just because what you wear... They can always put you into certain box and then after talking to you, how they see you, it's up to them.. You sound like an intelligent person, if they still see you as a party girl , well, that's their problem....
One question tho, what if you didn't really enjoy the time??? Do you say anything or simply, " see you around" will do??
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mencius > You can just text and say thank you for the evening/ dinner/ drinks etc. Do you really need to tell him whether you enjoyed? Nope...
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You should dress what you like and not what others want. Its hard to please the crowd. If people stereotype without getting to know you, then it is sad that they take a myopic view on this world.
Nemesis and Instyle - I did not send any thank you and its two weeks too late. It is all right if he does not call again. Will continue kissing the frogs till one of them turns into a prince.
I just want to say that it is more important to live happy than worry about not finding the right one. As long as you are happy, things get a positive spin. Stay happy.
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Fresh > 2 weeks is not too late if he is worth it.
:)
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Its all right. I believe that if a man is interested, nothing can keep him away. Yeah, passive. But I am not into making the first move. If he is interested, he should call.
Going back to your topic, what you lamented is not exclusive to HK. Singles always complain about this. So you are not alone. Its just that the right one has not come along.
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Freah > True to your first comment.
I am just tired of going to LKF or WC and get hit on by non date-able men. And I have stopped going to these places for more than a year now. Enough is enough.
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I know it seems like an endless chase. The ones you like do not like you and the ones you dont keep hitting on you.
However, think about it. Whether they are date-able or not, getting hit on shows that you are attractive. Go baby! Except if you are telling me that they are leering old drunkards...*shudder*
Start a new hobby or something. Keep yourself busy.
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Problem is I have too many hobbies (love doing all different things) and spend too much time on work (as friends point out). However, I think time management is important so I can still manage.
Re-phrase your sentence above > the ones I like are not available or too young or from work, so...
Drunk or not I dont know, but they are simply shallow and would hit on anything that moves. ha...
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shaq
18 yrs ago
It's all about class; isn't it? Oh MEN, poor us.
Just say it, instyle :D
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Depends on what kind of class you are talking about. Financially? Appearance? Behaviour? or intelligence?
So answer is yes, I do need certain standard to keep myself stimulated. Good date is someone who can bring you some knowledge and have enjoyable conversation, even though you are not attracted to him. I think same applies to men, or maybe not all...
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Curious - what is a bad date then?
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IMO, bad date is someone who always talk about himself, his last relationship, how mauch money he makes, where he lives and how big his TV is in his apt., etc...Good date si someone talks about current affairs, cultures, life, food, movies, music and able to flirt casually ha... etc...that is just my opinion though...
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Instyle - thanks for explanation! Agree with you 100%.
Would love to hear a man's perspective as well in terms of Good Date vs Bad Date. This could get interesting.
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instyle, I hear you!!! and CM,you are totally right, the kind of guys who're also available is scarce here.... I find it's very difficult to meet people you find interesting here..
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I have not told you all the best part >
I did not have problem relaxing and enjoying dates before but after living in HK for a while, I realise I have became a "boring" date to some men too. Reasons:
* I do not know how to response when my date told me how much money he makes, where he lives and how big his TV is. (One guy I went out with even mentioned how much he pays for his sophiscated coffee machine after telling me he owns an apt in Mid Level and one apt in UK...)Should I say "WOW", "Good for you", "I love you already", "hmm..." or " Sorry dear, I think my TV is bigger than yours"?
* I have no idea how to start a conversation anymore, and became less pro-active in making conversation
In short, I lost the dating skill or the skill I used to have does not apply here in HK. Dating became a stressful/ boring activity that I sometimes would rather spend time at my comfy home or with my close friends.
I know what others might say, since you are so concern about the dating part and you cant find it here in HK, where dont you leave HK. I wont leave HK just because I cant find the kind of dates I want. But I am starting to think, am I the only one feeling this way or are there others feeling the same way I do.
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Huh?? Where do you meet those people?! Talking about their salary and stuff like that??? I thought most of expat here are quite discreet about their income....Although I did have a date once that within 10 mins of meeting up, he started to mentione he just recently bought a yacht and would love to take me for a cruise... I got to tell you, i got chill on my spine!! No thanks... I think in a material world like this, a lot of men reckon all this money talk would be a huge turn on for women..
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Mencius > They do not exactly tell you the digits but somehow, they will make sure you know they are printing money.
I meet them through friends, work (not as many though), or whenever I go out.
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Well, no one ever said that a date will turn into a life-long partner. It's really our own expectations that we tug around as baggage. Dating should be just about meeting people and if there's a connection then continue to see each other, if not then move on. You got to be super gentle with yourself in the dating process. If someone's not interested in you, don't take it personally as you'll encounter someone you won't be interested in either. It was probably not a match anyways since it takes two to tango. Get to know someone well and be true to yourself. Lots of luck!
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rititt > You are right, this thread is not about fooling around with guys, ONS etc. but neither is this thread about settling down. It is about meeting people through date who can at least turn out to be "decent". Whether it turn out to be romantic or not, you are happy to keep them as friends or you would not be embrassed to intro him to your friends. Not someone you go "Oh boy, that man again...".
I have been "settled down" once and now I am not too sure if I will go through it again. All I want is to enjoy what life can offers us. That is not too much to ask is it? Is life really about money? Dont get me wrong, I need and love money too but do you really need to make friends through money?
I am not too sure how young is consider young for you but I lived in HK for the last 5 years and dating scene in HK has not changed a bit as 5 years ago. When I came to HK, I believe I was considered "young" by LKF standard. Haha...
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Nemesis > Now you are my idol! You hit it right on. I did as you mentioned. I tried changing the subjects and sometimes it only work for a while.
nifty > The subjects are not troubling me but you cant possibly talk about these subjects all night long, can you? And since when I have mentioned boats, cars and flats in Mid Level are part of my standard list? Please read carefully before you post. I am not attacking anyone here. I am just simply asking if there are women out there experiencing what I have experienced, that's all. Do you have those "standard" list yourself and is one of those guys I have mentioned or you do not have those at all and wish you can be one of those guys? Which p**s you off more?
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Its like HK is indeed the opposite side of the world, over here in Belgium (Antwerp) its women talking about their girlfriends'BF's, money, clothes, shopping, if you are lucky the latest madonna and well that is about it, If i want to talk about something like culture, politics, books or anything in the news I generally avoid going on dates,but meet up with the guys. Wish I was back in HK to talk to all of these sophisticated ladies taking an interest in the world;-)).
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qtpie
18 yrs ago
dates? chris - what happened to the girlfriend you love very much - lol
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qtpie
18 yrs ago
Doc - not sure if I'm the only one who didn't follow that comment - but in any case - could you add a few words by way of explanation plse :-)
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Chris79 - That is why I left BELGIUM!
Tjonge!
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