Posted by
rats
18 yrs ago
I need help here. I feel emotionally very weak and lonely lately, esp bf is so far away and not around. That's probably why I go out every weekend (even weekdays). And as you can tell, those party/drinking really can't fill the void and emptiness. I feel like I am getting a bit out of control lately and am depressed as well.
How can I be emotionally strong and need no affection? (Actually I could have a very busy schedule having differet kind of activities or things to do, but it is not affection.)
Thanks for the advice!
Please support our advertisers:
Oh my!
I am sorry to hear about that. Frankly speaking i need the solution as well. Just like you, i went out for drinks and clubbing everyweekend and even weekday.
My problem is i lost a man whom i love but you still have your bf.
Maybe you can just remind yourself that you two are separating temporarily. He is gotta come back one day.
I know we are especially vulnurable on weekend.
Just remember, you are not alone. Your bf is missing you in other part of the world and you are the only one suffers the same problem.
Hang in there.
Please support our advertisers:
My username should be fugitive. Typo here in my user account. How can i fix it?
Please support our advertisers:
Jane
18 yrs ago
agree with tiger01: "it is very easy to slide into the lifestyle you are in, and much more difficult to climb out of it".
Please support our advertisers:
trix
18 yrs ago
I don't think rats has a lack of things to do. Rather, she misses love, care, attention, affection, the feeling of connecting with someone etc... The void is emotional and filling time with more activities will not solve the problem.
Rats, I think you probably have several issues to look into. Your LDR is clearly not meeting your emotional needs. Will more constant phone calls, sms, emails do the trick? If not, how about making plans to either move or get him to come over?
Perhaps it also doesn't help that you're far away from home and don't have the same friendship base? How about writing/calling back more regularly to family and friends? I found that to be a good source of emotional strength during bad times. Maybe it would also be good to join more social activities to make more friends. And to invest more in current friendships to make them richer and deeper. Sometimes just having people to talk to regularly really helps.
Please support our advertisers:
rats
18 yrs ago
to all - thanks a lot for the advice. I feel better today.
Tiger- thanks a lot for reminding me. indeed it is easy to slip into the lifestyle I am in then escaping from it. Fortunately, I am heading there. at least trying hard.
I do have lots of things to do and can find friends having a coffee or two with me. But friendship cannot replace relationship...I still feel lonely as that was not the true emotional support I am looking for.
trix- you are the only one who fully understand my thread =) it is true that lately my LDR is not meeting my emotional needs and it is horrible. I become desparate. But it is a very good reminder that I should try to e-mail my friends more and strength the existing freindships.
Please support our advertisers:
dear rats - sorry to see this thread!
i'm not going to tell you to get out and get busy because if i read your original post correctly, what you crave is affection and an emotional connection with your boyfriend.
i hate to say it but if you are not getting what you want out of your relationship, then what kind of relationship is that? yes, he's your LDR boyfriend - well as you know it takes both of you to make it work. if you need more than he can or will give, can you accept that? what's the balance in your relationship? are there enough highs to get you through the lows? or might you be better off alone than in an unfulfilling relationship?
i'm not telling you what to do one way or another. but you're not really addressing the underlying issue by filling your time with activities that just...fill your time, but not your heart.
Please support our advertisers:
That is why they say LDRs are not for everyone. VoR has a point-filling your time with activities does not solve the issue at hand. Have you talked to your LDR boyfriend about the problem that you are facing?
Please support our advertisers:
Rats - Just had this conversation with my friend about emotional void. The conclusion is - instead of looking outwards to your loved ones or friends, why not look inward to yourself. Because the world may let you down, your friends may not be able to give you the emotional support that you are looking for and your loved ones may not be able to give you the level of emotional engagement that you crave.
This is a quote from my yoga teacher. Share it with you.
Learn to listen to yourself, your body and to spend enough time alone to give yourself the space to do this. Get comfortable with yourself and learn to be really good friends with yourself--not at the exclusion of others, but with the goal of ultimately recognising yourself in all.
You may have lots of friends and your loved ones are around you but you may still lonely. It is important to be happy yourself FIRST; to drive a fulfilling and contented life.
Please support our advertisers:
I always find advice a funny thing - mostly because one piece of wisdom conradicts another. My favorites:
"You really need to get out there..." vs. "When you finally stop looking so hard, the right guy will come along."
Hence, I'm always hesitant to give advice. As I re-read your post, though, I wonder how comfortable you are in your own company. When you're alone, does the longing consume your attention or is it only an occasional night when chocolate, wine, hot bath, and a book don't do it for you? Just curious.
Also, I'm a big fan of volunteering. There are animals in need of foster homes and babies in need of a good hold. You might see if that fills the emotional void more than the bar scene.
Please support our advertisers:
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail