Posted by
clan
18 yrs ago
I came to HK with my b/f 3 years ago. We had been together for 5 years in total. About a year ago we decided to split. It was traumatic for me but we were constantly bickering and I guess I knew it had to happen. We're on quite good terms as we have a history and are friends of sorts. I think he is seeing someone else but is keeping it quiet. I know that is not my business and if things were reversed he would wish me well. However the thought of accidently bumping into him with someone else tears me apart. My dilemma is would I move on more quickly if I left to go back to my home country or would it be better to stay? I guess I would still like us to be together so I wonder if I'm holding out with false hope...any advice from someone who's been there?
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Carlover, I think Clan broke up with her bf, as she mentioned in the post " came to HK with my b/f 3 years ago. We had been together for 5 years in total. About a year ago we decided to split"; so there is no CHEATING.
Clan - Why not be frank with ur ex? If you 2 are still friends and you really want to know if he is seeing someone then just ask him. Mind u I think woman instinct is always right so if you have this feeling that he's seeing someone then he probably is. I don't think you should leave HK becoz of ur ex, but if you factor out your ex and you still see no point staying in here, then you can consider going home or move to another country.
Take care of yourself and remember there is a big forest out there and don't fix your eye on this old 'tree'! >:)
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gwern
18 yrs ago
Maybe the only way you can move on is to 'bump' into him with this other person. Sometimes it helps us face reality if we are faced with the situation. It will probably be quite painful but rather than live in hope you can get out there yourself and live a little....
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I believe the problem is that you always imagine this situation "he having another g/f". After breaking up, both experience lonelyness which is not easy to handle. If in this situation one or the other starts a new relationship, that makes the other one (you) crazy. But it is not real, just the circumstances seem getting worse....I went through this some time ago. Try to imagine, if you would bump into him what you would do or say. "Play" this szenario a couple of times in your mind. This might let you feel more confident if it really happens. Distance will always help but leaving for good, I do not know. What about a nice adventures holiday with friends? All the best !
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You'd actually be suprised how easy it is to go about your daily business and NOT bump into certain people, despite the small size of Hong Kong, as long as you're not actively seeking out his regular haunts....
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well the fact that you would prefer not to bump into him does say a lot... It means you are not quite over him, I usually take the general rule to get over something takes half the time the relationship took, of course this is very general but in your case it would take me at least 2.5 years before I actually could start thinking about getting anywhere near normal around her (in my case since I am male).Running away doesn't help either, i totally agree. On the other hand bumping into him might cause you a lot of pain, but it also might work very beneficially to actual kickstart your "healing and recovery" process. Staying in touch with someone you loved dearly, is usually not a good idea you better avoid him/her untill you are totally over it.
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clan
18 yrs ago
I appreciate your responses. I think a part of me initally wanted to bump into him and I will admit to hanging around his old haunts but I didn't actually see him. Then I realised I was becoming a little bit scary and obsessed. I guess my reaction to him and someone else worries me. I like the idea of playing scenarios over in my head. It may be totally forgotten when the time comes but maybe will give me something to fall back on when I do. Even though things were crap at the end I so miss his company and the good things we did. I think the fear of becoming a crazy stalker makes me take check at times!! I do want him to be happy but a big part of me wishes that it could have been with me.
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I think everyone who truly loved someone knows the feeling, its called heart-ache for something.
I ve been through it twice so far in my life and the solution to me always was to focus on sports, train it out three times a week, hurt yourself (but not too bad) doing sports and after some tiem you have two things, 1 you are in shape so you feel confident about yourself again, 2 you keep on meeting people and there is bound to be someone of interest to you among them. You just have to find a sport that you like and focus fully on that.
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