It was all for the best ...

I got married with a true love in my heart and a strong believes that I found the one that I would love to be with all my life. Most of you were witnessing it.

I believe my love was pure, honest and full of disclosure of my heart, my great, my amazing sons (I was divorce + 2) and even my wealthy bank accounts that were accumulating over more then 25 years of hard satisfying work.



It was too much for me to discover, later on and on a daily basis, the fraud and and the bluff that I was living in. I decided to file for a divorce. My younger-the-me then husband decided not to allow me to live in a proper way as I planned and used all means to destroy me, the one that dared divorcing him, a young guy, son of a well-known doctor from a well known family.

A war started, a real war started, a real war with a real army. His army was equipped with the best divorce lawyer in HK that stopped at nothing.


And that is when the ‘fall of the empire started’.


It was the first time that I met villainy, hoggishness and sordidness.

I finally understood the ‘Meaning of the means justify the Ends’.

I was so disappointed. I hated to admit many facts.

Maybe it is this world that became too materialistic and too not-human lately.

Maybe it is me getting older having different priorities in life.

Maybe because I saw too many people who are interested in being blond, muscular, beautiful, skinny, rich, posses as much as possible and on the other side - not attached and not committed.

Sometimes I look at people and see sealed faces and faked smiles. I see faces that are not discovering any real emotions.

I feel only consumption and attempt to have the means for more consumption.

People are identified by their consumptions habits.



And my husband is not different.

And yes, I am different.


Each person has "money messages" that are based on past experiences, on what was observed by you and by what you were taught. These “money messages” reflect the attitudes, perceptions and expectations that influence your financial behaviors today.


Knowing both of us – my ex and me – and our background, I can clearly say – yes I am different, we have definitely different values regarding to money.


I realized that I was appreciated only when I had the right title, the executive positions and the nice income.


When he requested me to quit my job, after more then 2 decades of enjoyable executive positions, explaining that our little princesses needed her mom at home – I hesitated. There was no single day in my life, since I was 18 that I did not work. It took him 2.5 years to ensure me that finally he is in a position to support our family (extended – 2 boys from previous marriage) to quit my lucrative job, with mix emotions however with a great expectations in life toward being able to be full time mother.

Yes. I agreed to quit. Yes, I believe that my kids need me. Yes, I believed that I made the most of my positions and I am ready to the most lucrative employment – being a stay home mom, when before I was stay-work mom.


And then, few months later he started to push me to go back to work.

Are you familiar with the pattern of ‘change and then change back’? (If not send me a PM – it is interesting).


To cut the story short…2 years later I filed for a divorce. Several meaningful reasons (that represent a symptom) for filing – but not 3rd party.


Well the war is over. All of us are wounded including our sweet daughter.

Lawyers are happy. His lawyer is even happier since I decided to fire my loyal and honest lawyers and representing myself. There is no one better then me to know my life, to know what is going on between us and I know our case.

I am not a lawyer, far from it – however I am a human woman and a mother. After spending so much money on legal, I realized that in court it is not about bad and good. It is not about truth and lies (well, yes, it seems that you can lie in court… ), The Court is not interested in “he said she said”, litigation is not about the reason for the divorce. It is all about the facts and how the facts are presented. It is not about being right or wrong. It is about managing, producing and “staging”.

And since the custodial and financial decisions that I had to make as part of my divorce are likely to be the most important decisions of my lifetime, I decided to take control of the process.

I had few mistakes and I had successes. But I am responsible for my life.

And I would like to take this opportunity to let you know that I understand some of the emotions while having a bad marriage. I understand the storm of emotions one goes through during a divorce. I understand that divorces happen for various reasons. I understand that sometimes the decision is one-sided, mutual, or involving a third party.


However there is most likely always a special party involved that “helps” in the process and makes it even worst – more then it is already. In my case it was his lawyer. Let’s call it a 3rd party.

My company spawns from such a divorce where an aggressive 3rd party was the inspiration. This is someone whom a lot of people want to scold for playing a part in people’ s pain and wait for an apology for the aching its involvement have caused.


So whether it is a cheating lover, a lying friend, a betraying neighbor, an unsupportive confidant or a nasty lawyer, let your “3rd party” motivate you to harness that pain and in turn transform into who you will become—inspired, healed and whole again.


I give special thanks to my 3rd party for never apologizing and being so horrible since that inspired me in my next step in my life, helping other women, other people in their most difficult situations in life.


Thank you for reading this thread

I agree that this is really an inspring story.

Sorry, but it sounds a little weird.

I am not sure what the last bit was about...has the problem been resolved? And really, in a divorce, the best way to go is to get a lawyer to handle that shizz, I mean, of course the one IN the deep end is the one who knows the whole deal but is also the most vulnerable and will be highly charged in their emotions to where it could end up becoming a mess.


I will attest to the following - divorce makes ogres out of those you thought never had a spiteful bone in their body! And people can hold a grudge for a long time even if you are willing to be forgiving and say BFD.


Sigh...


I tell everyone heading for a divorce...be prepared! It's gonna get ugly! Brings out the worst in people and of course, like in your case as with many, kids always suffer as much as their parents do, but they are resilient little creatures. Amongst all the people I know, only less than 20% of them have parents that are still together, its not something unique. Most of them are pretty well adjusted, hell I know folks with parents still together that are total basket cases...


Thing is, breathe deep and just, help others if it makes you feel stronger and better, but just try to put this mess behind you coz the future is wide open, eh? Good luck!

Hi (again, from another thread…) Justine.


Thank you for the comment.


I agree with you with most of the things you said here.

The only thing that I will try to change in the concept is regarding to your words “And really, in a divorce, the best way to go is to get a lawyer to handle that shizz”. I am not sure I can agree.


From my experience and many other (women and men), in many cases lawyer just caused more acrimony between the couple. I would highly recommend – when possible – to try to solve the problems amicably and if not – to try to use mediators and divorce coaches.


Since I agree with you “that divorce makes ogres out of those you thought never had a spiteful bone in their body! And people can hold a grudge for a long time even if you are willing to be forgiving and say BFD”, I will try to do my best to make sure that the couple will be as civilized as possible since I deeply believe that even the most hurt/betrayed/vindictive party, can be managed in a way that it will help both sides but more important – the kids. (if there are).

And … the most important thing, as you said: Just try to put this mess behind you coz the future is wide open”.


At least this is the mission that I have taken upon myself – to help couple to divorce in a less acrimony and less aggressive way (as promoted by few of the lawyers in HK and in general), and leave the bitterness behind for the benefit of the children and their own piece of mind.

According to the responds I get, I must admit that more people then I thought are open to this approach and at the end of the day it costs them less money less pain and they only gain in doing it that way.

Thank you again for your comments and thank you for your support.

Maxis,

I have sent you a PM.