Posted by
meattwoveg
17 yrs ago
Been reading this forum regarding cheating and have a question to out out there. I am a happily married fellow with no major relationship problems. Recently i read about something that has become a bit of a fantasy for me. Its not something i would ever ask my wife to indulge in so I was wondering if i should find a consenting partner to complete my fantasy or forever let it remain a dream. I know this is cheating but i was considering this being a one off affair.
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Sheesh!Excluding all of the above fantasies a guy's most likely fantasy is having two women at the same time.....so if wifey is not into that kind of thing better let it go or buy some DVD's.
But hold the fort you said you READ about this so you need to be a little more specific about what this 'fantasy' of yours is sounds like something a little out of the ordinary.
Could you not leave the reading material around for your wife to find and see what her reaction is?
In a good relationship nothing is sacred between husbans and wife and you should openly discuss any sexual fantasies you have.
Everyone has fantasies heck I had a doing it on a washing machine fantasy once hehehe.
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give it a go, meatandtwoveg, you only live once. If it doesn't meet your expectations, great. If it does, even greater. But if its something really dodgy, try it out first before springing it on the missus, to see if it really is your cup of tea. That's just sensible
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Kay what you do is .... jsut let the duck walk around the lounge floor, with her knickers on its head. If she pretends not to notice ... well, you've got your answer. If she starts pouring chocolate sauce and birdseed down her blouse, you've got your answer too
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so ... thats a green light then .... !! (joke)
Its not something dodgy.
Justin , as always , feet firmly on the ground and appreciate the answers. Truth is that people have affairs/flings/massages and their partners are non the wiser. Does it make their relationship better or worse? ... you would have to ask every individual. Do their realtionships last longer or shorter as a result? .. again , ask individual couples. Men , it seems from this forum are a little more casual about sex and less hung-up about it afterwards. Perhaps women are too. Its an area of discussion that is seldom openly discussed for obvious reasons. Just because a fantasy becomes a reality doesnt make it void of its original quality , nor does it become a drug like addiction.
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A nod is as good as a wink to a blind man , Aijin!
JC makes many valid points but the hysteria over sex being a drug just isnt true. Its like the paranoia over cannabis in the 60's. The sexual revolution has actually happened and the answer is .... humans are pan-sexual. Some are gay , some are bi , some are straight , some like pain , and some like ducks (bandiet to elaborate). Cheating is wrong , we agree.
For the record i also knew a friend , who since being in Hong Kong took up jogging and marathons. Whether this was for fitness or he was avoiding a sexual fantasy we shall never know but he became such a bore to live with , his atkins diet , his lack of drinking with friends and obbsesion with 'adrenalin sports' , his wife dumped him and found a real man. Maybe you should come out with me one night Justin!!.
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F100
17 yrs ago
dear meattwoveg,
be grateful for what you have.
unless you have agreed to an "open" marriage...if you decide to cheat you will have lost her trust.
Trust is something that usually takes a long time to build and only a short time to lose.
you have to ask yourself, is it worth it?
is the risk of losing your wife worth the excitement or whatever you think you are going to get out of this extra maritial affair?
i think most couples who are in a "good" marriage who have had relationships outside of their marriage would answer No.
as for your comment regarding men aren't so hung up on it....i think that is wrong.
it's actually men who seem to have a harder time dealing with a cheating partner. they are the ones that are less forgiving and more likely to leave a marriage or relationship.
be careful, your fantasy might turn into a nightmare.
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Well everyone has given you their two pesos worth here Meat so how about posting the link here as Aijin suggested so we can see what you're into wink.
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Now,now JC living vicariously through Meat's fantasies? Not a chance.The guy READ about this somewhere so it must be something pretty exceptional that it falls outside the human imagination.
Discounting threesomes,swingers,gang bangs,kinky,ladyboys,gays,bestiality,bondage,S&M,Karma Sutra,fire & ice,sex toys,role plays,internet sex,washing machines et all....
Was curious as to what poor Meat read about that made him so tittilated he's thinking of throwing away his happy marriage to try it?Might try it out with hubby just a thought.
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JWM, yep the Troll stinks of fantasies.
Pumpkin,Agree but if the guy is thinking of cheating for heaven's sake to try out some fantasy he hasn't got the balls to talk to his wife about...THEN...why not post the link so someone else can have a go at it hehehehe.
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maybe i should post a link to a blog , where you can all follow the plot as it unfolds, whether the fantasy is acted upon , mentioned to the wife , or just remains ... a fantasy. I think these dilemas face many people everyday , i just wondered what other people do or dont do.
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Actually Meaty you remind me of poster who started a thread last year....'Should I go back?' 500 posts later etc. etc.Yes please let's have the blog link we're all hot,bothered and bored!
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shaq
17 yrs ago
Your emotions and desire, my brother, are all indication to 'the beginning of the end'. You better do away with your so-called fantasy or ...
ShaQ
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or ..... or what?. Of course its a 'fruity' fantasy. And no, i am not going to reveal it in this forumn knowing what the editorial powers will say. Its odd that no one else has this dilema but have exactly the same situation when they have a casual 'affair', which they mostly argue is a mistake but was perfectly understandable. Why, for instance, are all those bars in Wanchai so popular at night?.
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I think you are also missing the fallibility of the male condition. It would be naive to suggest these bars are only popular because 'losers' are drawn to them without looking at "cause and effect". I think we digress here though.
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Meaty are you EllaScott's hubby from the 'Honesty' thread by any chance??? Come on spill the beans (or the fruit whatever the case may be) She's onto you.
Wancahi bars,loose women,final fruity fantasies = a recipe for disaster??? Lol.Ok you'd better watch out and if unwilling to let your wife at least have an inkling of what this weird ars**ed fantasy is then you've had enough advice here.
Whatever way it sounds like you have already decided to pursue it and want to validate your decision,well that ain't gonna happen.
JC got it right and you are being utterly selfish to imagine the whole sordid tale will not surface one day and it will destroy your marriage.
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ha ha , ok. Dont Know ... my wife has never been mentioned as an excuse. Please elebaorate. Aijin , what makes you think the players and hookers are any different in either place?. "physical and intellectual and socio-eco stature" ..ha ha ha ... what tosh. A player is a player as is the hooker. All fantasies are premeditated otherwise they wouldnt be a fantasy.
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.... and i have not already decided to pursue it.
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A player is a player and a hooker is a hooker?Depends on how classy they are.Would you go for a high class one or a street strutting one?As for players would most girls go for a suave smoothtalker or a meatheaded himbo?There's no accounting for taste.
...and I have not already decided to pursue it
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wow , your right about the quotes. I think Ed deleted them ... perhaps its a copy write thing. I actually posted them innitially because i thought it was a funny simmilar psychological argument i saw in a film , though that was lost on Lady Wolverine it seems. Anyway ... Wanchai was just for arguments sake , i was not thinking of hookers as a partner. The debate was intended to be about the pursuit of fantasies and how other people deal with them , in this instance a 'fruity one' rather than one on the washing machine.
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well flashback , you old sour grapes ... "reading over my posts ...." , you obviously missed the one 6 up where i state I have not made my mind up. JC makes many valid points that i am happy to consider unlike your "if your gonna do it ..." approach to life. These are complex issues that you seem unwilling to aknowledge. Anyway , i didnt want this to become a deffensive thread but an open discussion.
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meattwoveg
Everyone will have their own opinions and thoughts on this touchy topic.
All I can say is, I had a fantasy and knew my husband would not be interested at all. Finally after years, I had the chance to act on it, and although it was a one time thing, I don't regret it at all.
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Well , in some ways , justin has answered DKW's question. Some fantasies need remain exactly that , some as DKW has pointed out , simply need to be put to your wife. But your right , i might well just ask her. Thank you though also MissDJ for being the first person to aknowledge a similar dilema , are you still happily married and not additcted to whatever that fullfilled fantasy was?.
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I'm wondering if you have had other frut loop fantasies which maybe you got your wife to participate in? So you're a rasberry swirls not a vanilla type of guy but you've got to at least run it past your missus even as a casual 'hey I read about this what do you think?'Just to get her reaction.
Still this this is the beginning of the end if you try it out,you may get addicted to fulfilling other kinky fantasies and then..go figure.
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seems all the singaporeans are living the fantasy and not posting on here, unlike their sexuall inept polluted honkies!
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I must be the only person not knowing what 'fruity' is?!!! Ah...
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meattwoveg,
still happily married. Not addicted to the fantasy that was fulfilled, but would possibly do it again, if the opportunity was there.
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People do alot of things they dont admit to. Thats in work , relationships and all things. Relationships are very complex and the strength of your current relationship could be equal to the issues you resolve (both in and out of it). There is no single formula for a succesfull relationship and no amount of metaphors will help explain them. Im sure there is a more complex story to JC's one. But at least his ex actually discussed her fantasy with him. She obviously just didnt know him well enough to realize he would be disgusted by it. As i say , it sounds like there is more to that story but in this instance , she may have been better off not telling him. I guess this is JCs personal area tho.
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Meaty watching your wife or husband having sex with someone else is not a fantasy it's..well..sick.Rationalising it as spicicing up your love love if you indulge in some whacky fantasy with anyone else but your partner is just being indulgent and obsessed.
Fantasies are not necessarily limited to sexual ones but how many people actually act on them is a small percentage.Just because you have some fruity fantasy and you act on it because you can pay for it doesn't mean you should go for it.Keep it in the back of your mind when you are having sex with your wide to spice up the marriage otherwise forget it,it's not worth persuing something which will destroy your happy life.
Forbidden fruit as they say...
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The key word here HK is FANTASY.Sure some people IMAGINE watching their partner having sex with a stranger but what percentage actually do it?
Between two consenting adults no problem who are we to judge and criticise each to their own.Some like it straight up some like it on the rocks with Coke and one of those tropical umbrellas and a straw.
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So HK what does the other partner do while watching their wife/husband having sex with someone else?I'm too innocent (batting eyelids and blushing).
I'm not a prude but come on it's like rape fantasies. Reminds me of a story about a guy and a woman's husband in the 'Sydney Morning Herald' few weeks back that set her up for a sex/bondage video with someone so they could 'watch' turned nasty and she was strangled to death.
There are some fantasies which are better off as just that.Each to their own as said before.Stay in your closet.
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8) and here I was thinking you were one of those closet people I knew it already but thanks for the info I've knocked around for long enough to have also met people who 'like to watch'.
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At least we have finally highlighted that some fantasies are infact shocking to an unsuspecting partner. And for the record i never mentioned paying for anything.
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meat,
the fantasy I fufilled was 4 years ago and it was a 1 time thing. So I would'nt say it is an addiction. if it was an addiction, it wouldn't have been 4 years ago. IF, the opportunity arose, I may do it again
I do know of people who are swingers and into watching their partner have sex with someone else and of course, other experiences. I am definately not into that
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Thanks for your input missdj. The only reason i mention addiction is that JC mentioned it previously as a danger for pursuing a fantasy. Just wanted your point of view on this for everyones clarity.
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HK1, no my husband does not know about it.
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well , this weekend was the totally wild , as the budhists say "i climbed up the mountain to look what was on the other side" , i feel a little bruised and battered but all i can really add now to this thread is ..... thanks JC for a wonderfull night !!! wink
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