red rose and white rose

There is famous Chinese story written by Ms. Zhang Ai Ling called red rose and white rose. The guy in this story has a good wife at home but at same time he also has a great lover outside. Wife is called white rose, lover is called red rose. He loves both of them. Well I am Chinese girl,not married,at early 30s, but it seems I am facing similar situation as in the story. I have met a local Chinese guy whom is 5 years older than me,whom makes me feel he is able to understand my thoughts, and we did have a lot of good, quality conversation. We communicate quite deeply.But we didn't have good sex. And no matter we try, I know the situation can't be improved.At same time, I am also seeing another guy, whom is at same age as me, we didn't talk a lot, but we had very very good sex which makes me refresh everytime afterwards, attract me to go for him. Well to me both spiritual communication and good sex are same important.

I don't know what I should do. Well I really don't like to see 2 guys at same time. I want to be sincere and loyal to my love. Really things can't go what I want ? Any advice or experence sharing ? Thanks in advance

Hi Tiantian,


i think the white roses and red roses is a quite familiar issue in China. almost everyone has a second partner. for a woman like me its really hard to find a local guy who wont have a second woman outside. sex is very important in a life, if the sex is not good, the relationship is not good. maybe none of these two guys are good for you. communication and sex are both important, but please try to find one which has these both! dont have a relationship with two people! thats not fair to anyone!

not almost everyone as a second partner in China....dont talk crap...people cheat in china a lot but its not almost everyone...! Tis people like you who give China a bad reputation and set off these stupid ideas that cheating is acceptable behaviour 'cos everyone does it!' LOL LOL and bloody LOL again

Woah! Easy, people!


I think this young lady here is sincerely trying to find clarity in her confusion. I am guessing that she is young & naive, hence sex is a big factor for her and that is contributing to her confusion. I'm not condoning her two-timing, it IS a mistake, but has no one ever made mistakes before that haven't caused some pain to someone?


Tiantian2005, after having enjoyed some mind-blowing sex in my twenties (!), now that I'm older I realize that it is the affection, companionship, and caring that is the most enduring thing. When you are 80 years old with your teeth in a glass on the nightstand, sex will not be so important, but being in a loving, respectful relationship will be.


When people truly understand each other from the heart, their sexual relationship CAN get better through honest communication - if you say you can truly talk to this older gentlemen, then SHOW him what you would like more of when you are having sex, tell him what turns you on, etc. even demonstrate if you have to! Maybe this gentlemen has little experience in this department and needs some gentle tuition! If you are willing to show/tell him what you like & can keep an open mind (instead of already believing that the "situation cannot be improved"), you might be quite happily surprised! ;)


Another possibility is perhaps you should consider letting both men go and take the time to find one man that has both qualities you desire. It is unnecessary to hurt others because of your confusion and indecision. Somehow, I get the feeling that the one who will truly be hurt is the one who is willing and able to understand your thoughts. He has taken the time to know YOU. The younger man has taken the time to only know your BODY.


THAT says a lot to me...and I'm sure that your intentions are not to hurt anyone, especially the one who really understands you...other wise you would not be asking for advice.


Please be wise - if these men are not the right ones for you, there are many out there that are. There's no need to hurt others.


Be blessed.

Hi lotusinbloom,

Thank you so much of your advice, yes, you are right I don't want to hurt anyone. And almost 4 month pass by since I post this message. My heart is always thinking about that old gentlemen. Start from year 2006, I make the new target for myself. Sex is only for love not for anything else. So probably I would go for old guy. One thing I need to fight between my body and heart is control my desire of sex. And try to train him slowly and slowly to know my body.

Thanks again !

Happy Chinese New Year !