Husband who stays at home

My girl-friend may get herself into trouble as she got attracted to a guy she works with and her family life at the moment is not helping as her husband is at present not working and didn't seemed to want to find work as her salary can cover their monthly bill. She is beginning to disrespect him for his laziness. I fear she will go a step further and will ruin their marriage. My husband and I are very good friends with them but don't know how to deal with the situation. Telling the husband to go look for a job will hurt his feeling without giving him the reason. Too much nagging to my girl-friend will ruin our friendship.

My question - knowing the situation, what can we (I think my husband should be the one) say to help to point out to my friend's husband discreetly that he needs to find himself a job, no matter what position and brings in his share of responsiblity for the family before the wife loses total respect for him.

The wife confides in me that she looks up to a man whom she works with and her 'hubby' not working is not helping at all and it increases her infatuation towards this business associate of hers. Luckily it is still in the early stage but if nothing changes by her husband to win back her respect, things will definitely turn sour and we don't want that to happen....just thought we need advices in how to approach the husband without hurting his feeling. Of course, I wouldn't tell him about his wife's secret.

don't tell the husband, tell the wife to tell her husband openly what she expect from their marriage, and apart from that, stay out of it

Let's look at the case this way:


1. Why divorce must be a bad thing if there have been some other deeper problems parting the couple apart from what apparently can be seen and told?

2. Why the husband must work if he has a strong reason not to?

3. Would you agree it possibly be an issue of gap on values or attitude towards financial matters between the couple that goes beyond the solution of simply finding a job?

4. Why must you stop a situation if it's destined to happen? You never know, in some cases, marriage grows after working through the crisis.

5. Even if it finally turns out divorce or cheating or whatever, how could you be sure this change of relationship does not work for the best interests for all involved parties?

6. Who do you think you are to intervene another family's private home affairs?


I do understand and appreciate your effort in trying to help your friend. Very kind indeed. But always be careful not to impose our ideal thinking to others. Being their best friends would not grant you the position to judge or do something for them. If I were you, I would share the genuine thought (whatever in the head) when she came to me, while encouraging a man talk between 2 hubbies to see if he needs any help. At the end of the day, you should support and respect their whatever decision, even it seems incorrect.

Agree with what has been said by Cookie and Sexyboop.


Do not get involved in other peoples marriages. It will only end in tears for you.

The couple need to have a frank discussion.


The next time your friend complains about her husband you could say that she really needs to have an open discussion with her husband, as he may not realize how she feels. But beyond that, I wouldn't do anything.

That's right cara, her husband just lazes around the house as they have a helper. They have a teenage daughter who will be going off to Canada shortly for further education. He likes to go swimming and having his lunch at his club and always returns home before his wife and makes a cup of coffee for her which she said she could easily get it in her office.


Today, we spend time with this couple and they seemed to be OK. My husband refused to enter any conversation regarding the subject of 'job hunting' and also advised me to avoid any more girl's talk with my friend about her so-called affair in order not to get involved and ruin the close friendship we have. He said that they are mature enough to solve their own problem.


Although I am still concern but my question has an answer now -by doing nothing- advised by most of you and confirmed firmly by my husband. Thanks for reading!

There is another angle. She is actually reasonably ok with the status quo, but likes to complain to her friend to let off a bit of steam. But really there is no big issue, she could just be expressing some disappointment or frustration.


But at the end of the day it may not be a big issue.


We all like to bitch about stuff, me included. If I really don't have much to bitch about, I will still find something.

They say "now" is probably way to late to help the lazy husband.