Posted by
momo8..
17 yrs ago
You are newly married yet he left you? That has to be difficult.What exactly is his problem with you coming to China to find employment?Instead of arguing with him try to communicate better and let him see your side of the story.What does he want you to do?If you can find a good job then he should support you,I don't know your circumstances can you give us a little more info?What about his future plans for the two of you?
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I smell a rat!! Sorry for being negative. But don't be heartbroken.
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clan
17 yrs ago
I can see you come from different cultural backrounds. That can be very difficult. I am from Britain and if my British husband (like yours) left me the way he did I would not be very happy. I think his insecurity in you and your ex bf is outrageous. i'm sorry I wouldn't stand for it. Have yo ever done anything to spoil that trust? Can i just say that very few Western women would put up with this treatment and I'm trying to look at it from that point of view as your husband is Western. I don't want to sound negative but you are allowing him to do this. You should be firmer and ask that he show some understanding and respect. It seems silly that you are newly married but living apart. Unfortunately many western men marry Asian women because they are fed up with Western women having an opinion and expressing it....but if you don't speak up you allow the marriage to be unequal, and it will always be if he treats you this way.
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I think u shld really talk to ur hubby abt this issue. Who in the right mind wld get married n dump his wife in her own country n move on? I mean, wats the purpose of getting married in the first place? When u get married, u definitely wanna be with him or her. What sort of reasons did he give for leaving u behind? Am curious.
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leg7
17 yrs ago
I'm sorry to hear your story. I guess you need to discuss with him. you said that he has problems and got be in his country to solve but I believe he at least should tell you how long you need to wait for. I still don't understand why he can't bring you there and then solve his problem. If he thinks that he can't be with you until his problem is solved, then he shouldn't get married with you at the first place. don't wait, talk to him, give him a deadline.
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Firstly i hate being referred to as a weterner is makes me sick and secondly whilst i was engaged to my now wife whilst she was in shenzhen in january. I was assured that she was being faithful to me but I find that she is seeing a few men, it wasnt paranoia because I was told this.... I love her anyway and decided I could work past this and I needed Jaclyn more than ever. I married jaclyn not because she is a filipina that is an unfair assumption I treat women as equal and I am not a chauvinistic pig or a sexest... but when i discovered that jaclyn was to return to shenzhen I am obviously not happy, her last trip there was a total disaster she got mixed up with bad people, she got raped and she was seeing other men... I do respect her opinions but I have a massive question mark over my head why she would want to return to such a dangerous place.... And please remember guys although I have made my commitments to jaclyn I take them seriously, I feel sick at the way filipina girls are portrayed my wife is intelligent, an amazing girl and beautiful... I maybe from the UK but do not under estimate the gulf between these cultures because that gap closed a long time ago!! And I know that this totally unbelievable but contrary to popular belief there is alot of red tape involved in moving to another country, I am doing my best to be with Jaclyn but I have not abandoned her!!!
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clan
17 yrs ago
Why on earth do you hate to be referred to as a Westerner? You are, are you not? You do have a different cultural backround...Your wife is Asian...FACT not assumption or remotely racist. Your wife sounded desperate and needed to find out what people thought. Had you not explained this to her what your future plans were? Your explanation has now portrayed your wife as a seriously disturbed woman who needs to have help, guidance and support. You being away from her like this doesn't appear to be helping her or your relationship which appears to be built on mistrust.
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people ALWAYS assume because you are (and i hate this) a WESTERNER i will have money... wrong in fact far from it! I am working my a** off to make the money we need to start a life together, I couldnt and this is unfortunet afford the visa renewal... I have not abandoned her as i try my best to help financially! if it helps you all sleep better at night this monster has left her for good! she is free from my dirty westerner grasp... I maybe a westerner but it makes me sick to be one, I hate everything the west stands for!
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you know seki i didnt marry you for money....
i never ask anything from you,,,
i may have done stupid things before but thats because i really didnt thought youll come back for me...you know i had past relationship and they never came back and they just left me....and i thought it will happen again....but you did came
you promise me everything will be different when we get married...i tried to show you and make you feel i can be a faithfull wife but you just keep on reminding me about the past...
you left me to a place where im running from...
and you think that coming back here in china ill just be with other man and not for a job...
if this is a punishment for my mistakes before and for being hurt...
ill accept it...
thank you for leaving me...
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you dont cheat on the one you love! I am sorry for causing this distress but i genuinely thought you loved me... I made a huge mistake, I shouldnt have married you until I had the money to support us both..... sorry
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clan
17 yrs ago
Yes sounds suspect now......it's surely not about money anyway...that was never mentioned as an issue..? It's about communication and support. Your slagging off on line smacks of immaturity.
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Totally agree with Flashback but will add some points:
8) be totally honest with yourself and with your husband.
9) know yourself and what you really want.
10) realise that for every action there is a reaction.
11) you can't run away from the past it wil catch up with you sooner or later.
Internet tit for tat is too much like reality TV you have to meet with each other and solve this.
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maxis
17 yrs ago
So how does the husband suddenly appear in this thread eh?
This sounds so much like fantasy and rot.
Presuming it is rot, then they are wasting people's time and concern!
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