How people find out about their cheating spouse?



ORIGINAL POST
Posted by daph_gmp 14 yrs ago
Lets' say it's a survey ;-) echoing passionated threads I've read on this site lately (e.g. "To tell or not to tell", "seriously monogamous men", "why men are cheating" etc) ..I find astonishing the conversations I had with 2 females friends recently: it is clear as glass that their spouse is cheating on them and they don't even turn a blind eye: they are totally blind indeed....they are so confident they don't realise their husband are having affairs right under their nose...(One has a 3 years old child and a 3 weeks old baby)....so I am wondering how do cheated people suddenly see the light: Handphones? Computers? A woman's earring that fell out from the husband's luggage when he returns from a business trip?...

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COMMENTS
cookie09 14 yrs ago
how do you know that it's clear that their husbands cheat?

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berealistic 14 yrs ago
alot of these women don't want to know if their husband is straying because they will not divorce their spouse, which is the reason why they choose to blind trusted their husbands and wish that their husbands are smart enough to cover everything up. Whether they found something from handphones, computers or a woman's earring that fell out from husband's luggage is not important because these women would choose to believe everything what their husband told them.


these women are just too afraid to face the real world

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tigerbay 14 yrs ago
Again, crystal clear based on what?

Crystal clear is a dangerous statement in this context.


If it is based on the content of the posts on this forum then now way is that evidence. Lots of hearsay, lots of firmly held beliefs, a smattering of biterness (sometimes by people who haven't been cheated on). Little fact.


I really do get fed up with the level of posting that states catagoriacally that the vast majority of men in Asia ARE cheating. The reality is probably that the majority of men are not cheating.


Reports otherwise are sensationalist, and they feed on peoples insecurities. We wouldn't read this stuff in a newspaper. Even the News of the World doesn't carry it, only the internet. Interesting reading, yes. Salacious, definately. Fact, no way.


There will always be somebody who catagorically states that every guy in thier office is cheating and that it is part of the company culture. This is either BS or Trolling. If you believe it, you have been duped.

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daph_gmp 14 yrs ago
Thanks for your comments. It seems this thread took a complete different path from what it was initially aimed to be like.


Tigerbay : Crystal clear is when you have facts. Plus when they are other of your friends who understood what was going on well before you noticed anything. And they feel as sorry as you are for the family that is going through this, because it does not look good at all. I am not even mentioning the fact that when something like is happening, you question your core values: what is friendship? what is a marriage worth when a spouse is humiliating the other one in public?... Another point now: who says the vast majority of men in Asia are cheating? There seems to be quite a misunderstanding about the content of the post. ...or is it that people are worried their wife could check their handphones? If so, apologies as my intention was not to raise waves of suspiscion among happily married couples. It was more like "how can you suddenly realise who you are really married to?"...meaning in the very personal case I mentioned manipulative and disrespecful spouses (I used to think secrecy was a big part of the fun of unfaithfullness, but obvioulsly it seems to be fun as well when openly done).


berealistic: I agree with "those women would (choose to) believe everything their husband told them". It is obviously the case and that's quite amazing to note that the bigger the lie the more the wife buys it. Hence my question... It seems I did not formulate it clearly enough...

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sexyboop 14 yrs ago
Agree I am also a bit fed up with this over-discussed topic, but deriving from this "cheating series", I wanna dig a little deeper and trace back to a point before the thing goes astray.


In theory, marriage is evolved from a ripe relationship ready to elevate onto the next level, then matures with age. The love curve after marriage should go upwards as opposed to declining at a certain point - from where love starts wilting, cheating comes into scene thereafter - mostly the case in reality unfortunately.


Why? There are too many other reckoned reasons (age, stability, finance security, biological clock ticking, bank loan, family pressure etc) distracting marriage from its fundamental essence. It's not about business deal for visa or escape etc at all, the fact is love has been getting downplayed nowadays even in real relationships. The result is without building on a solid love foundation, marriage is doomed to failure sooner or later. Cheating is just a time bomb being hidden from the moment since the vow is taken.


Apart from calculating "WHO to marry" and "WHAT to marry", how important do you consider "WHY to marry"?

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CaptDave 14 yrs ago
Any relationship has to be based on shared values and expectations ... ironically, some marriages of convenience work well because people don't expect too much.


The problems come when couples are mis-aligned. They have different ideas about how to live their lives, on money, on sex, etc. In many cases women just want to find someone to stave off their loneliness or have children before the clock runs out, or perhaps they're looking for someone to solve their financial problems. Similarly, plenty of men are looking for a maid, an heir and a non stop supply of sex. And then there are the gays who marry unsuspecting women due to family pressure.


Despite all of this, somehow it seems impolite to discuss expectations this before marriage, which is why things go off the rails.

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expatguy1 14 yrs ago
Men get attacked about cheating, rightly so, they do it alot, no denying that.


I am here to tell you that after being in HK 10 years now, it is NOT hard to find a married woman who will cheat on their husband, albiet for different reasons, they are not hard to find and are just as sneaky as men.


Disclaimer: Agreed not all women are cheats, there are I am sure less, much less of them then men, but ladies, the female sex is not immune and it happens, and happens frequently.

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CaptDave 14 yrs ago
Yes, expatguy, an awful lot of married women are "available". Any man who hasn't got the offer is either blind to the signals, or of poor quality.



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AlexaNY 14 yrs ago
i find it interesting that women who 'turn the blind eye' are seen as weak when perhaps the reality is that they are the ones who are stronger by upholding the sanctity of marriage even more than the cheating husbands. isn't it 'for better, for worse'? isn't it that it's hard to go on living, knowing that your husband is cheating or has in the past - and yet you agree to forgive and move forward?


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expatguy1 14 yrs ago
I think it all depends on the person and the couple. Many would like to know for their own reasons, none of which are wrong from yours, just different ways of living life.

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ahacha 14 yrs ago
I know a lady who found out after her husand failed to come home after a birthday party out. He returned the next morning (lunchtime) still drunk, fresh out of the bed of a woman, picked up in Wanchai, which he could only confess about. Couldn't remember if she was a prostitute or not.

The wife demanded to know everything there was to know, and the truth about the extent of the cheating that had been going on for years unfolded over the next few days/weeks...

Some guys are particularly good at telling the truth after having been so good at lying it seems! Not the majority I imagine.

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daph_gmp 14 yrs ago
I agree with you Alexa: some women (some only!) who deliberately turn a blind eye are indeed strong women....

Ahacha: he told her? Well, I 've heard about cases like this before...why do you think he did?

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ahacha 14 yrs ago
I wouldn't know why he told her...

There could be so many reasons, related to their life as a couple, related to himself, to being drunk, I guess... ?

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daph_gmp 14 yrs ago
I briefly discussed this with friends yesterday (we tend to avoid the subject, too unhealthy) : we think he will end up telling her (referring to the origin of this thread). She so much does not want to see the evidence while he makes it so obvious...Or most probably he is expecting someone to do the job on his behalf. (Actually the only cases I know when someone told their partner they were cheating on them are males: this does not mean females don't tell I suppose but I don't recall having heard about it). Thanks to all of you for your answers. Interesting points of view...

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