Posted by
namecat
13 yrs ago
I have together with my bf 16months, we live together nearly 1 year. Lately, his behavior like:
- Not coming back home after out late (he has reason since we live in island), it is more often now, like 2 nights this week. He promise came home early last night, eventually didnt come back.
- Not calling if he not come back.
- Not call me & take me out. I feel he is not caring me not even my daily life. he said like calling like controlling. I didnt asked for calling every morning, lunch, after work.
- No intimate, much less sex. He rather masburate then have sex with me. Very often lately. I feel really discomfort. Women - how do feel your parnter masburate next to you.
I know we have problem, even I have talked to him these issues. He said he like to do what he wants. We do bring up "breaking up", at last we just can't do it, he said he does really care about me alot.
I guess I should know what to do, but I do want to hear your point of view & thinking.
Thks alot
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well you know what to do: break up already!
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He told you the truth when he said "he said he does really care about me alot." moreover, it seems to me that he has no idea what women need in a relationship. I suggest you ditch him & find someone decent.
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Wait...so let me get this straight.
You live together...on an island...and for two nights last week he didnt come home to sleep. Erm...where was he sleeping?
He'd rather finish himself off than have sex with you?
Does anyone else thing this dude is sleeping over at someone elses house, while having no problem having sex with that someone? I mean...where is this guy sleeping on those 2 nights?
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Thanks Moby, i agree a relationship is two person's job. I did try before (spice up and take him out) and also bring up sex issue. but I feel tired doing all by myself. He said he wants more independent, no dependent/co-dependent.
He stopped calling me (i feel he is not care about me anymore).
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Namecat, you say he stopped calling you.
Do we read from this that he has moved out and you are not living together anymore?
If so, it seems he has made the decision for you.
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Time to run, hun. He's a loser and has no idea about relationships. Will only end in tears further down the line.
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he haven't gotten a place move out yet. we still live together. On last week, we kind of like breaking up and back to friendship as he wish. Since we still live together, so i told him not to have any intimate with me. i don't intimate with friend. After that, we didn't talk to each other, no contact for a few days.
2 day ago when i back home, i feel i don't want to angry of him anymore. which make myself angry and sad too. So i am back to normal and then he try to talk to me, we did talk. but last night, we seems back to normal, we talk and intimate, i just can't stop him and myself. I just can't determine to stop. I still love him but i know i m not his future. and i even feel his behavior really selfish. I already told him that don't intimate with me, it will hurting me more.
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As the saying goes, you can take a camel to the oasis, but you can't make the furball drink!
If you aren't willing to care for your own self-preservation and kick this fool to the curb, you have only yourself to blame. You can't sit there complaining about how he is being selfish and that he knows it will hurt you more when you aren't willing to take responsibility for your own well being.
Why arent you simply cutting it off? Do you think you are not to blame for giving him the wrong signals?
First you say "Dont be intimate with me" and then you go on a do just what you said you dont want!
"I still love him" is your excuse for why you are persisting in hurting yourself by doing what is wrong for you.
If more people took a long hard look in the mirror, quit blaming others for their own weaknesses and just took that first big step in the right direction, of self-preservation vs martyrdom (on some bizarre personal scale), then we would have less of the pity-party for one action going on up in this piece.
Be strong, quit expecting an orchestra ready to play "My heart bleeds" just for you, and for the first time in a long time, do something not because you want it but because you know its good for you.
And then come back in a few months to let us know how proud of yourself you are for having been strong, moved on, kicked that fool out the house, and how you are dating someone who really respects you and treats you right.
Good luck.
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Hey, at least you're getting more sex now. Don't let yourself be used, honey, use him! I think you should call your girlfriends and go out, you could be the one to stop calling and staying out late. Maybe if he sees what he's losing he might buck his ideas up a but!
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Thks Pupmonkey - but I dont to use people or be used. It is not nice. I think when love has gone, you don't want to devot and put any effort anymore. Not even just a call phone - it is not worth. On the otherwise word, when love has gone - everything you do is wasted, love not come back.
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Hmm... well I think love does come back.
But it has to be love in the first instance.
Sometimes people realise... too late... that they had real love...
But you gotta be sensitive to do so. A lot of people are fools... they don't realise till they grow up a bit... and then ... of yeah... too late...
But the message from me is, never make yourself into a doormat... even if the other person is this or that... You should act with self-integrity, and demand that the other person treats you well. Otherwise, you always get this.
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justin credible, aplause again for being spot on, again, and so kind.
people like this impress me and surprise me in a way, too, for being wise and same time simpathetic.
flashback, you made point too.
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