Rejection of gifts to my wife

I have a problem. I have been married for 12 years now. We have a great marriage (other than the occasional fight but normal stuff). However, if I buy my wife a shirt or dress or telephone she complains, never wears it, gives it away and/or looks generally dissatisfied. To me she is being ungrateful and I am beginning to give up on buying her anything. Should I say something? Just give up? What do I do?


Any suggestions?

why you buy this stuff for her? because she buys your underwear?


take her out on a shopping trip and let her chose herself and sprinkle in a nice coffee at Joel Robuchon midway. she will like that much more

Yeah, I agree with Cookie and WonTon...


Its best to let your wife go shopping with her girl friends for fashion items. You could surprise her with a holiday, or a booking at a nice restaurant.. i doubt she would reject that.

yes, i agree with above, let her choose her clothes.


if you want to give her something other than holiday or restaurant things i would suggest shoes. a lot of women really love a great pair of nice shoes or a signature bag. but you gotta know what they like. pick one (let the shop assistant help you) and with the option to chang it to another one if she doesn't like what you got. i don't think there are many women who would reject that.

Thanks for all the advice! I will book a nice resto and give her some cash to go shopping with her friends! That should make everyone happy!

Indeed. I hope it hasn't taken you 12 years to come to this decision! Lol.


I recently spoke to a friend who said, "You know, the man buys me stuff for while I am pregnant and its sweet to know he is thinking of me, but I really wish he would ask me first because he buys these ugly a** shapeless things and a lot of them are PINK! I hate pink! But, you know, what can you do, he means well."


And thats from a woman who has been with her man for almost 10 years.


I think within my relationship it was made clear early doors that it would save a lot of time, money and heartache to simply ask the other what they would like and then buy it for them. Everyone goes away happy. The giver loses the stress of trying to find an appropriate gift and the receiver loses the stress of having to fake happiness over a crap gift.

Yes, you are right. I was just trying to show gratitude and love towards her. I guess it is a romantic (false) notion to think that it would be nice to see the one you love wearing something that you have chosen. I guess i will have to suck it up and let her friends decide that and bask in the glow that they chose it for her.

No, i think you'll have to bask in the glow that you paid for it!


Agree with Justin, we likewise do things similarly, and indeed its a weight off the shoulders to not have to think of a gift which may turn out to be unwanted.


I don't think that the purchasing of expensive items necessarily shows love and gratitude. Sometimes you may find that you partner is more touched by you being able to remember to do a simple task she mentioned the day before.

Simple. Stop buying her things. It is one thing for her not to like what you buy her, but at the very least she should show gratitude and appreciation for your effort and give you an explanation as to why she does not wear/use the items you bought her.


With all due respect, it sounds like your marriage lacks a bit in the communication department. Try sitting down with your wife and talking openly and honestly with her once in awhile.

First things first:

"bask in the glow that they chose it for her" Awwwww, come now, its not that bad. Remember, who are you buying these gifts for? For her, right? Not for you. And if you were buying it for her, its supposedly to see her happy, right? But I think you were missing the point. You were expecting happiness of your own for seeing her wear what YOU picked out for her.


Bear in mind, give freely, but if you expect her to like everything you give, even though you gave her no choice in what she got, then don't be so surprised to get shortchanged there. As rob said, bask in the glow of seeing her happy she has something she likes and that you were the one who made that happen.


As for unattendedbag: "but at the very least she should show gratitude and appreciation for your effort and give you an explanation as to why she does not wear/use the items you bought her."


I dont think anyone HAS TO show gratitude or appreciation for effort, I mean, "its the thought that counts" is something we learn when we are kids but as you get older you can kinda speak out and say, hey, just don't bother wasting your money next time, right? I agree maybe his wife doesn't seem to come across as saying it nicely enough but we are only hearing it from the OP, not from the wife, so we only hear how he perceives her acceptance (or lack thereof) of his questionable gifts, no matter how thoughtful. OP is upset and hence describes this rejection the way he sees it, maybe the wife sees it differently? Who knows.


That said, you have a point about the communication part, but maybe the wife was communicating her dislike of the gifts and OP wasnt hearing it and continued to buy her unappreciated gifts...*shrug*. Its all so several decades ago to think that a man can pick a dress for a woman and she is gonna love it and think he has great fashion sense. Am I right? And women care to comment?

She probably wants more attention or something instead of material things, take her on a holiday.

Remember one thing girls are never satisfied no matter how many things you do for them. They always look for new things so be innovative and creative this will make her more happy.