Posted by
wowee
19 yrs ago
she is my work mate, at first i was not paying attention to her, till lately, when she started talking to me and paying attention to me...that i realized.that i have this crazy feeling for her..
i feel like she also has the same awkward and crazy feeling towards me..
but lately..she started to be kinda cold to me..as if she did not see me..why the sudden change of atmosphere?
by the way, we are both married and we both have position in the company..though she is a bit higher..
what is the best thing to do in this situation..
we do not want to jeopardize our own careers..for the sake of lust or passion..just in case..
but also we can not avoid to see each other everyday..
please help me solve this crazy feeling and situation..i just kept on thinking about her almost everyday..i know it has to stop..cos it just plain useless to go on..
thanks..
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you are just plain crazy....
you asked!
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Infatuation......but you both have significant ohers....so it's self-explanatory to keep the thought in your head and not to take any action, especially on the workfloor.
Good Luck!
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Voting just plain crazy. If you are a REAL man, don't mess with her. If you mess with her, breakup with your significant other FIRST. It doesn't matter if things will work out with this new one or not. If you are considering it, you owe to your present GF/wife to let her go NOW.
Cheated on an old GF, never got caught but to this day, I'm ashamed of myself for having done it.
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Well, i think you have to think again about your marriage? Seem like you are still not mature enough. Anyway, there is a old saying- do anything you like but don;t get caught red-handed. Good Luck!
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I'm in with flabbergasted...!!... you're just plain crazy, and I don't think you realise quite what you've got and what you're doing...
...and as the great saying goes... you asked...!
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You are not in love.....just excited with what you know you should not be touching.
Wonder what you would do/ feel if your wife was in a similar position with another man? Bet you would not be too happy about it.
You yourself know what you should & Should'nt be doing, so be mature enough to do the right thing.
You will be ruining a few lives here & may lose the best thing you have!
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wowee
19 yrs ago
Thanks for your input..I'm trying to assimilate them one by one..
I'm trying to evaluate and analyze some situations that predisposed me to this situation. My marriage is fine, but it lacks the fire and luster that I've been looking for..we are just plain strangers at home doing our responsibilities as husband and wife..but I could say that there is no passion..
I don't have any intention to cheat..it's just that the situation is sometimes awkward for us at work..
It did not even occur in my mind till lately..when she starts to get aloof with me..
So, the best way, is to pretend that I did not see her..is that the right way to do it??
Our situation is still on it's ripe stage..it is still controllable though..but till when???
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suggestion...be aloof yourself...yes that does mean stop being a friend to her...sorry...if you cant control your feelings you just cant be her friend.
As I posted on my thread I have cheated once...and feel guilty as ever. Then at work met this guy...superb personality and really cute too...we really hit it off...he's married...I am about to get married soon...so I just gave it space...stopped being a friend...it was not that hard..try it...and hey LIFE IS GREAT!No complications..no distractions...only my commitment to my bf.
My guess is the girl in your scenario has done what I have done...hmmmm do we know each other???
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be cool every thing will be all right.
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passion is something that needs a lot of work to maintain. are you putting effort into making time for romance? maybe if you start showering your wife with compliments, let her know that she is importent to you, ect.
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wowee
19 yrs ago
thanks for encouraging me not to stray..it's not worth it..i know that..
as for my marriage..i could say it's not a bed of roses..but i want to stick with her..
i will just avoid her ( my work mate) in a very subtle way..and maybe eventually the feeling will just go away.
crazy world and crazy people indeed!
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Hey, dude -
I really admire your courage to come forth like this here, lay your cards on the table AND to be level-headed enough to accept good advice when you hear it!
No marriage is EVER ALWAYS a bed of roses - THAT'S the POINT!!! THAT'S what a committment IS! You get pleasure & you get pain. They are only different sides of the same coin. Sometimes it helps to learn to flow with the ebb and flow of the tide, always trusting that with a little effort the passion & romance will return.
It's quite typical for us all to get so consumed with our day-to-day responsibilities that we kinda lose track of our spouse. I agree with eaving - find time for your partner & you to have a special "date-night" once a week. Please don't say you don't have time... if this marriage matters enough to you, MAKE TIME!!! Your feelings for your collegue will not just "disappear" into thin air, man. But if you hold the intention to focus your thoughts, time & energy on your WIFE... those "feelings" you talked about will most likely expose themselves to be what they truly are: an indication that your marriage needs some attention right now!
And for Alisa - sweetness, you're feeling ashamed for having done what you did, EVEN though your boyfriend does not know...that certainly says to me that you truly are NOT a horrid person...or else why would you feel ashamed when you are the only one who knows? You just made a mistake, girl - and when you give YOURSELF PERMISSION to forgive yourself, you will have corrected your mistake, and you'll finally be free of this weight on your soul.
Blessings to you both.
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From someone whose husband just admitted to having an affair- I can speak from experience when I say to you-its better to spend the time and effort into repairing your problems in your marriage than start more problems by having the affair. The more energy and attention you give your co-worker the less you give to your wife. Please take my advice- spend quality time and effort and work on your marriage, rekindle your romance, talk to her, take her out to dinner, buy her small gifts, treat her like the way you did when you were dating. She will appreciate your efforts and you will rewarded. This will take time and patience but it will work IF you work at it. Start today.
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wowee
19 yrs ago
lotusinbloom and blue eyes- thanks for your encouraging words. your replies are quite something.
yes, there must be something wrong with my marriage, that's why i am unconsciously seeking some solution somewhere. Attention, yes, that's what i need. We don't spend quality time anymore, let alone discover ourselves together, with 2 small children around,they take too much of our time.We just started to drift away..slowly..slowly. We both work in different companies, and as soon as we arrived, we immediatley in front of computers, we spend more of our time in computers, than simply talking and saying hello. I also tend to be the passive person, not demonstrative in my feelings and so is she. We are like robots sometimes. Even when we go to sleep..we kinda lost that loving feeling...I just want to recapture the feeling again..and this work mate of mine..is the one filling the void..
she's so alive and full of energy...exact opposite of my wife..
i will just try my best and effort not to look around and find that void, instead focus my mind and energy on how to make the love alive.
she's not that bad person..it's just that sometimes..it's human nature to look for something
more exciting..
thanks to all of you..
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without this kind of temptations in life, marriage won't be so precious.
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wowee - just drop you a message, pls check your inbox in control panel - good luck : )
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Another thing to consider wowee, you can't have double standards. If you ever cheat on your wife, you can't complain if SHE screws another man. If her screwing another man is okay with you, only then should you even consider screwing another woman. If you don't find your wife "exciting" I doubt that she is finding you exciting.
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wowee
19 yrs ago
space-dust- pls. check your inbox, thanks.
scutdog1- i know i can not have double standards, that's why am trying to analyze the situation as objectively as i can.it's very easy to fall into temptation, as we spend more of our time in the workplace than at home.maybe you are right i'm not exciting enough for her and maybe same with me.there are plenty of things to consider,the children, the future, the repercussions, for all i know..maybe this is just a kind of heat that wants to steam out, i don't know..
as the song of jim croce says
"once we were lovers, but somehow things have changed..
now we're just lonely people, trying to forget each other's name"...(2x)
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Wowee - thx - I really really do hope you can find a way to be happy and not just to keep the family happy but also to make youself happy. Pls let us know how it goes, your experience to deal with this sorta problems is valuable to many people here. All the best!
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