Posted by
csun009
18 yrs ago
Many people opt for partners who are less intellectually challenging for them. I personally know a couple of university professors who married their helpers.
I have been told that the happiest kind of women are those pretty but dumb ones --- no discrimination in any regards.
How true is this? How important is intellectual compatibility in a relationship?
Your opinion is much appreciated.
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BTW, csun008 has been suspended for saying something mildly wild :). Hence, csun009 now.
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tia
18 yrs ago
For me...super important. I have (usually) chosen long term partners based on the size of their brains and their ability to use them correctly.
My hubby is brilliant. Brilliant, I tells ya. I can talk to him about ANYTHING and I know I will be able to for many years to come. When we go out for dinner, just us two, we talk about our days, our families, work, friends, current events, etc etc.
Personally, for me, I do not tolerate vapidity for very long. If there is nothing going on upstairs, I lose interest VERY quickly.
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tia
18 yrs ago
Electrode makes a good point. As we get older, gain more dating experience, what we want may change. I know that when I was younger, the crushes I had were more based on looks and cuteness. I'm not spring chicken anymore, so I am wanting someone with whom I am more compatible. Intelligence is a big part of that for me. If they are pleasing to the eye, extra bonus!
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Csun, being a helper doesn't mean being intellectually inferior to the boss, especially here in HK where a lot of FDHs are university graduates. I personally know of an expatriate teacher teaching in an international school who is always asking his helper's opinion or how to spell certain words, and when he was working on his master's degree, he used to asked her to proof read every paper he was writing, on top of that he has much respect for her intellect. What I am trying to say is: it is possible that the university professor and his helper are intellectually compatible and I believe it is important for a relationship to work/succeed/flourish/last...
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tia
18 yrs ago
Oh, definately not. There are some well edumacated idjits out there. Common sense, a good heart, proper-know-how....that is more important.
Is it not true that the brain is the largest sexual organ?
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You know the best answer to the question:
"How important is [insert anything here] to a relationship?"
is
"Extremely important for some people (some love it, some hate it) and not important for others."
In this particular case, personally speaking, I absolutely need someone I can share stimulating intellectual conversation with.
But, as pointed out before, some people prefer being with stupid people.
Others don't care, as long as all the parts are in the right places, be they T&A, an 8-incher or a big fat wallet.
We've all got different priorities. It seems clear that for you, intellectual compatibility is a priority. So there's your answer.
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Well to me, being yourself and your partner being herself and being completely comfortable with eachother is the best!
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Sorry for my disappearance. Now back in HK and no longer trapped in business hotels, I haven't logged onto this site for a while.
Thanks for all of your frank opinion. mpl's essay is most intesting. Sometimes I wish that we could still be satisfied with the old plain companionship. My mum is 172cm in height and my dad 163cm. He is the most intraverted person on earth and she very bubbly. His favourite dish was spicy chicken and she never touched chicken. Nevertheless, they were happily married for 40 years and produced 5 children. What's wrong with the fragile modern relationship?
On the intellectual compatibility part, yes, my partner will have to be intellectually inspiring otherwise my chemistry with him drops by half :). I've never met any guy that we run out of topics in restaurants as I am a natual chatter-box. If we do, wow, that'll be boring!!!
Intellect has nothing to do with education --- agree on this point with a couple of you.
Have to dash. Thanks again
It's a vital piece of stimulation for a long term partnership. Every bit as important as sex, passion, romance, respect and friendship.
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I agree totally that intellect and education do not necessarily go together and some degrees are easily paid for and printed off the web. Many intelligent people are never afforded the opportunity for a formal education.
At the same time, an education can be an indication of fiscal responsibility, a love for setting and achieving goals, and the ability to follow through with commitments. These character traits are highly attractive to me. The same traits can be shown in other ways besides education, but it leads me to not dismiss education as a criteria. No one can take a degree away from you.
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I agree that in order to have a successful long-lasting relationship, you need have those kinds of similarities. But intelligence doesn't have to come with degrees and formal education. And, as most of you are aware alot of helpers in Hong Kong are highly intelligent women who also have degrees in a variety of fields.
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One more thing- who can define intelligence? There are theories of multiple intellegences..so how can you actually say someone is intelligent and someone else isnt? I mean- the compatiability has to match each individual's definiton of intelligence.
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Intelligent does not mean that you need to have a piece of paper of degree or Phd.It got to have some common sense in it.My sister got a degree but she doesn't have a common sense.
My point of view though.
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Thumbs up!Agreed with cara.I had an cross culture
marriage too.Our mother tongue is different.BUT no way that it gonna affect us in communicating :)
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