COMMITMENT, FIDELITY, or LOVE FEELINGS - which of these three do you think is the most important ingredient in a relationship?
Please support our advertisers:
i think they're equally important. one may work better for some people than the other two depending on what they expect from a relationship. if i had to pick one, it'd be love. commitment and fidelity are about effort but love is only personal.
Please support our advertisers:
to me, commitment is most important. it can also be present in all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones.
love feelings come and go, wax and wane, intensify and fade. they can be fleeting and superficial. fidelity is an act you willingly perform if love and commitment are present.
love feelings are about romance; commitment is about marriage, or anything lasting. commitment is about true love, and i don't mean only romantic love. you can love your country, your work, your family...and show it through commitment. commitment is what remains, and sustains, a relationship after the love feelings are gone, and that to me is true love.
Please support our advertisers:
I'll go for love, without love, it doesn't matter how much effort you have made to keep the other two, they aren't out of willingness from your heart
Please support our advertisers:
ingwe, good thing your maid doesn't need commitment, fidelity, or love feelings from you - just her paycheck, thanks very much ;-)
Please support our advertisers:
:-D! as long as she puts that remote right back where you left it
Please support our advertisers:
Oh!! Yeah!!!
I get to quote Dickens!!!!
To support Voice of Reason, and to add some Christmas tradition, here's a quote from A Christmas Carol:
``You don't believe in me,'' observed the Ghost.
``I don't,'' said Scrooge.
``What evidence would you have of my reality beyond that of your senses?''
``I don't know,'' said Scrooge.
``Why do you doubt your senses?''
``Because,'' said Scrooge, ``a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!''
Scrooge was not much in the habit of cracking jokes, nor did he feel, in his heart, by any means waggish then. The truth is, that he tried to be smart, as a means of distracting his own attention, and keeping down his terror; for the spectre's voice disturbed the very marrow in his bones.
Read the whole thing online at:
http://www.literature.org/authors/dickens-charles/christmas-carol/chapter-01.html
Now, what was the point of that?
As VOR asserted, "love" waxes and wanes. Eat a big Mexican dinner and then have to get up early for a big meeting the next day—"love" may be an emotion that isn't possible at 5 a.m. !
Commitment, however, is a lifestyle. Commitment is finding your mate's Love Language and helping him/her find yours—and not becoming a whining git when it takes him a while to understand that HIS LL isn't the only one on the planet and that you need to work with his as he needs to find and work with yours.
One more link:
http://selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=5lovelanguages
which is one of those 20-question quick quizzes [sorry, I usually hate these….] which will supposedly i.d. which LL is most yours.
Please support our advertisers:
Kristin49998, that quiz was loads of fun! ok, i'll put it out there:
"Your Results:
Your prediction for your #1 result: Acts of Service. Does that match your actual #1 result below?
Your Results
The list below is modified by your input. Note: The selector author alone determined the questions and scoring of these results.
#1 Physical Touch (jeez, i guess i AM really touchy-feely-horny ;-D )
#2 Acts of Service
#3 Quality Time
#4 Receiving Gifts
#5 Words of Affirmation"
Please support our advertisers:
AHHHH VOR!!!!
Okay, here're mine:
# Your Results:
Your prediction for your #1 result: Physical Touch. Does that match your actual #1 result below?
# Your Results
The list below is modified by your input. Note: The selector author alone determined the questions and scoring of these results.
Rank:
#1 Physical Touch
#2 Acts of Service
#3 Quality Time
#4 Receiving Gifts
#5 Words of Affirmation
You know, ours sound like the stereotypical guy-- all action and No talk!!!
Please support our advertisers:
haha - inqwe zings again! actually, i like my results, and - contrary to your zinger - i think they support the one guiding rule i always try to follow: actions speak louder than words. (see how "words of affirmation" are at the bottom of my love languages list?) words are cheap and easy - the real question is are you a person that does what he/she says? do your words and actions line up? do you walk the talk?
...SOOOO folks, back to the original thread: i think commitment is the most important ingredient!
Please support our advertisers:
Please support our advertisers:
shaq
19 yrs ago
They're all important, but Love comes first. Without LOVE the others can hardly be realized, and that's for sure. LOVE rules ...... yeah... (but what's love?) ... :D.
Please support our advertisers:
lulu
19 yrs ago
Raggamuffin> good, finally someone say SEX.
I am not joking: SEX is very important on a relationship and then i think TRUST as well. Mutal respect is vitual, then you will have the other stuff ...
Please support our advertisers:
shaq, exactly!! what is LOVE?
Please support our advertisers:
lulu
19 yrs ago
sad but truth...girls in hong kong are very lucky compare to girls in a lot of other asian countries.
no money, no honey...hahahah
Please support our advertisers:
shaq
19 yrs ago
True, definition of LOVE in many cultures, especially those in Africa (where I have my roots), is very difficult because of the way marriage, for instance, used to be contracted.
Personally, however, I believe that LOVE is a composition of mutual respect and understanding, which encompasses commitment (to a partner). In other words, with these, one can express (feelings of) LOVE.
Lulu >> Yeah! sex may count, but we should understand that sex is better when there is a lot of LOVE in the air; LOVE makes sex feels good. Without LOVE, sex is some sort of game or 'stress/frustration reliever' and, indeed, without LOVE one feels used after sex.
Aint't I right?? Again, this is only my opinion... :D.
Please support our advertisers:
Love is about hearts... not sex... sex comes by experience...i agree that's awful.
Please support our advertisers:
shaq
19 yrs ago
Foxx >> Just said the truth about your ex-bf, and that's important ... that's not awful. But, did you tell him he sucks?? For all you know, he was only doing 'it' lightly out of some reason, and that he wasn't really bad at 'it'.
Please support our advertisers:
I disagree that you have to love someone to feel fulfilled after sex. Certainly, in an ideal world we would be making love to people we love but that is not always the case.
Please support our advertisers:
shaq
19 yrs ago
Vulvic >> Exactly, I was referring to the ideal world situation.
Of course, if your intention is just to have sex, in which case one is the 'exploiter', the it'll be fulfilling, I believe :D. So, I guess we're at the same front..... are we??
Please support our advertisers:
Exploiter sounds a bit harsh, but yes, that is what I meant. It is possible for two consenting adults to have enjoyable and fulfilling sex without expecting anything more. However, in most cases one party usually expects in to 'lead somewhere'.
Please support our advertisers:
tia
19 yrs ago
COmmittment. Fidelity. Love. All rather essential. All seem to be interlinked. Without love, you probably won't be faithful or want a committment. Without fidelity, your committment won't last and someone will stop loving you. Without committment, you will probably be unfaithful and the love with wither away.
I would agree with VUlvic as well that in an IDEAL world, we all love our partners when making love, but that is not always the case. I think sex is better with someone you have true feelings for, but sometimes, getting off is all you need and for that, you need not love the other person.
Please support our advertisers:
Nat27
19 yrs ago
shag is right I guess, if there is love, u can always make things work, if both sides r intrested to do so, sex is something we learn... if there is love u can over come all kind of problems if there are any.... well thats how i feel, and thats what i believe... For me my ex was first man i ever even kissed and hey, u learn all these things if u want to make relationship work...
Please support our advertisers:
shaq
19 yrs ago
Vulvic >> Great! So, what will be the best word to use, instead of 'exploiter'? Yeah, sex between consenting adults is just fun, and fun could be fulfilling, if they see it that way.
Casey >> True, we need a lot of ingredients to cook. But some ingredients are definitely important than others or come before others. Don't you think so?? :D.
Please support our advertisers:
Nem - Ha ha ha, calculating the alcohol units from the night before, lol!!! I doubt there is anyone on this forum that has not been there at least once. Of course, if it becomes a regular Sunday morning for you, it could be a problem.
Shaq - 'Exploiter' sounds like something a teary, young girl would say after she's realised she's been 'had'. Literally.
Please support our advertisers:
Please support our advertisers:
Lol!!! That said, I will be toodling off to Midnight Mass on Saturday.
Please support our advertisers:
shaq
19 yrs ago
Miss P >> For how long can she act?
Please support our advertisers:
Shaq - How about a predator instead of exploiter? Exploiter sounds cold.
Please support our advertisers:
shaq
19 yrs ago
OK guys, I've givn up on 'exploiter'. But, I think 'predator' is even worse :)). How about 'beneficiary'?
Please support our advertisers:
Haha...benefit from what? Passion and release?
Please support our advertisers:
evohe
19 yrs ago
Love naturally.
Love implies commitment and the former implies fidelity.
Someone who betray his partner, does not love his partner. He is just comfortable and does not want to admit the feeling is not here.
Love is the foundation of a relashionship. But in addition, maturity and the ability to understand the other half are critical to make it last.
Please support our advertisers:
Bear - That's an alarming thought, Greenpeace launching into Lan Kwai Fong to round up the greedy 'Exploiters' and show them the error of their ways.
Nem - as usual, you are spot on. Shaq and I were discussing mutually-beneficial arrangemnets. Therefore, I believe, Beneficiary is the probably the most apt term.
---------------------------
Dear Santa,
This Christmas I would like a Fendi Spy bag, a new watch and a Beneficiary.
Love
Vulvic
xxx
Please support our advertisers:
shaq
19 yrs ago
Dear Santa,
Unlike Vulvic, I need ..... errrrrrrmm. OK, a beneficiary will be good for me too :)). Spy bag and a new watch?... No way, I don't need those. Maybe, some bottles of booze for the holidays :D.
Love,
ShaQ
Please support our advertisers:
Wow, this appears to be an interesting topic, huh? When I first put it out, I did consider qualifying that "given all three are important" which do you think is the MOST important? My thoughts on it are that commitment is THE thing that can make the relationship stick. You can be faithful and have loving feelings, but if there is no commitment, the "glue" might eventually become unsticky anyway. I also was careful to state from the beginning that I was referring to "love feelings", not "love" itself, necessarily. This difference must be emphasized. Because LOVE itself is far more sublime and self-sacrificing and capable of achieving much more than mere "love feelings."
Please support our advertisers:
:-) *clap* *clap* *clap* well said
Please support our advertisers:
Ezekiel is so right - yesterday i was gossiping - i admit - with my business partner about two local (Asian) high-powered ladies we know who were victimized by Western male gold-diggers. cases were publicized here - in both cases the men had married the women in order to be able to own property/buy into a company, then eventually somehow swindled them. SO yes, gold-diggers come in all shapes-sizes-spots-stripes. and men AND women are vulnerable and gullible and can be easily victimized.
Pink Tulip - agree, they seem to mean the same thing to me: "friends with benefits"
but let's get back to the original thread, shall we? it's commitment, people! ;-)
Please support our advertisers:
not to pick nits (but i will ;-) just this once) - cloudninety asked us to choose between commitment, fidelity, and love FEELINGS, which is quite different from love itself. i do agree with you that love inspires commitment and fidelity.
Please support our advertisers:
shaq
19 yrs ago
Whatever king of LOVE it is, people, LOVE still rules ..... peace to the world :D.
Please support our advertisers:
Can one have a shaggymate/beneficiary/whatever the name is and not have feelings..after a while?
Please support our advertisers:
that'll depend if the two hang out or not. if they spend time outside the bedroom as friends, there very well may be a feeling after a while. actually that's pretty much like a relationship without any labeling.
Please support our advertisers:
In my personal opinion, the shaggymate relationship is probably a no string attached affair in the beginning. However, if they "meet" frequently, even if it is a form of release for the both of them, after a period of them, it will not be as simplistic as the initial period. We are human beings. We have feelings and emotions. Feelings do develop after a while, dont they? Or am i being too emotional?
Please support our advertisers:
when our bodies get used to someone else or really enjoy being with someone else : P, we do develop an attachment of some sort to that person. it's comfort in most cases.
Please support our advertisers:
Chocolate is not nourishing to the soul? It releases endorphins. It makes me happy. oh...an aphrodisiac too..hehe
Please support our advertisers:
true, but we can live without it. there're other sweets out there can do the same for us, just a matter of degree.
Please support our advertisers:
Nem - A Benefactor? I like it. If you find one, could you ask hi if he'd mind springing for a Fendi.
Personally, I think chocolate is a bit overrated. I do enjoy it from time to time but would much prefer a nice bit of cheese.
Sad but true.
Please support our advertisers:
< Back to main category
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail