Posted by
MRI_Milan
15 yrs ago
Hi, I would like to date a caucasian guy for serious relationship. Does anyone know how to find a quality caucasian guy in Shanghai? Where do they usually go in their spare time? Thank you!
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maxis
15 yrs ago
I know it is a language issue, but the question really makes them sound like a commodity, like "where do I fing shoes size 13 or greater in Shanghai"
or, "the sliver breasted finch, although rarely, seen during fall, have been spotted in the upper canopy is the rainforest, gathering honey from the new buds of zamspoia flower"...
Actually, for constructive comments:
1. Why not use the personals on this website (or other site if no success), try your hand at penning some creative marketing lines
2. There are plenty of dating agencies in China, although guys in Shangahi don't really need them, it is a playground for the "player" type, or everyone really ( you dont want that as you want serious).
3. Singles groups, hiking, wone appreciation, bookclub - use your smarts. Or how about use the "language exchange" page on this site, if you have language skills, and see who turns up. How about lurk outside the "Mandarin in 7 Easy Steps" night school, or better still take some classes too!
4. "they" all don't go to one place during their spare time, like migrating birds, ones who like drinking hit the clubs/pubs, the swimmers in the pool, tennis fans on the court, photographers - everywhere!
5. Although everyone has perferences and that is everyone's right, try to look past the exterior of ethnicity or at least open your mind to it, when looking for a partner. You will be surprised about some qualities/characteristics people from different ethnicities have. Some tolerance and adaptation may be required (as long as the characteristic isn't repugnant, like having to go around each weekend to watch your partner's father/brother ritualistically execute the animal that is to be eaten!, unless you are cool with that). It is understandable though, if you are particularly a tall woman, or if your background and upbringing has not really had inter-racial couples. And also, the grass is not necessarily greener, and the followng comment is NOT directed at you at all, but a part of life is that foreigners in Shanghai ( and other places) will invariably have higher income/status etc, and it is sad when people go for this rather the person.
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Why would you like a Caucasian guy for a serious relationship?
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Yes, why do you specifically want a Caucasian man? Posts like this really irritates me, maybe because of my own assumptions, but I've seen so many Chinese women wanting to date white guys because of a perceived "prestige" of doing so and what they think a stereotypical white guy is supposed to be ie "a gentleman", "treats a woman well (materialistically)"etc etc. Of course the reverse is also true for white men dating Asian women and the perception that the women are more subservient etc.
And I agree with maxis, sounds like the OP is hunting or shopping for this guy. Your pursuit of this person is particularly strange as you don't even know where they hang out or go in their spare time. So it appears you are planning to go out of your way, doing something or going somewhere you don't usually frequent, just to meet this guy. So from the start, you already have a disconnect.
I think maxis' 5th point is very well said, I'll 2nd that.
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I don't think you need to resort to underhanded and indirect name calling. I'm sure it frustrates a lot of women (regardless of race) who live in Asia when they see how much of a "playground" it is for Western men here. Of course, the situation is not new and perhaps will never change, but it certainly doesn't help when you have so many women throwing themselves at these white guys when a lot of the time, the girls themselves speak very little or no English nor have anything in common with these guys. The only thing they know is they want to date a white guy because it implies a higher status within their own social circles. And from the wording of the OP's post, any Westerner will do, as long as he will marry her, hence the "serious relationship" part of her post.
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You are a Western man in Asia, enough said.
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Or she can come to HK and try Wanchai or LKF. Once I saw a Caucasian man at Finds, he was HUGE, old, pale, slobbering and just plain gross, with a cute Chinese girl (ok, she was crossed-eyed, but you couldn't tell unless she looked straight at you). She was literally 1/3 of his size. He kept trying to kiss her on the lips, to the point where he was holding her face still with his hands, but she kept turning away. A few minutes later, she was stroking him and actually let him kiss her, but from their body language, it looked like she was asking him for something, what exactly I don't know. So yeah, each to their own.
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Very funny post from the OP, it brings to mind some hilarious personals i enjoy reading from time to time:
Wanted: athletic caucasian male, 1,80-1,85m, blue eyes, blond hair, non-smoking, easy-going, good sense of humour, w/good job, open to free relationship and bondage for serious LTR. Respond w/pic if your abs show through your winter jacket.
I mean, it's good to know what you want, and yes, to each their own, but honestly?? How naive do you have to be??
What is it with the caucasian obsession apart from what Kaileyb describes??
Sorry, MRIMilan, i realise this is not helping you in your quest, but I couldn't help it.
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Zorglub - this is totally cynical of me, but the answer to your question "What is it with the caucasian obsession?"... a foreign passport comes to mind :P
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Loyd Grossman is Miss Venezuela - as a Western man, there are just some in-grained old school Chinese beliefs that you will not understand and it's hard to explain to you. Not to sound condescending, but it's true.
Regardless of how mainland Chinese society has advanced, there are still certain pockets of the population (probably more female) that will cling to the belief that dating a foreigner means getting them out of the country and into a better life overseas via marriage. And when you ask, who needs one (foreign passport) these days...plenty of ppl do. And even if they don't want the passport, they want the perceived "better" or different Western lifestyle that a foreigner can provide.
And when I say "better" lifestyle, it might not even be materialistic, it might just be they go to different places, see Western movies, eat more Western foods, hang out with other foreigners, holiday overseas etc etc.
So the foreign passport comment can be seen as a) she wants to get one for herself and move overseas or b) she wants someone who has one, because it opens the doors to a lifestyle she would otherwise not know, but she craves to be a part of.
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Not saying it's not.
I think what you don't understand is that it's not so much the OP's preference for a Caucasian guy, it's more the way she's worded her post to make herself sound like she'll take any white guy that comes along, as long as he's "quality" (read rich) and will date her for a "serious relationship" (read marriage). And her question about where they hang out makes her sound like she's on a quest to hunt them in their natural environment, of which she has no idea.
She can date a white guy all she wants, for whatever reasons she wants, but just the wording of the post suggests she has nothing in common with the person she's seeking.
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Oh well - i am going to Shanghai soon. I don't mind Chinese or Westerners, but it seems finding true love is almost impossible....
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Kaileyb, none of your assumptions are true. I actually lived in USA for three years. During that time, I got my Master's degree and had an caucasian boyfriend. I broke up with him after being together for 14 months, because he didn't suit me. I like caucasian men simply because that's my personal taste, just like Loyd Grossman is Miss Venezuela has always found Iranian women attractive. When I said "quality" and "serious", that meant I have my own standards when I date men, I don't like playing games, nor do I want him to be like that. I'm quite serious in pursuing my happiness. If "money" and "foreign passport" had ever been all I wanted, I would have tried everything to make my ex b/f stay and marry me. But I didn't do that. Nor will I do it now. If I want to go abroad, I don't need to use this method of marrying a foreigner, because I'm too confident in my own ability. Kaileyb, I find you read a lot of things into my message, to be more technical, projected a lot of your own stuff when you were interpreting my message. I wish you could spend some time in looking inside yourself to understand where this cynicism and judgmentalism come from. I guess you wouldn't feel happy if someone assumes you had been hurt before because your b/f or husband left you for a local Asian girl, or you are still single because your fellow countrymen all chase local girls. Neither would you feel proud when people say you are like someone who blames the grapes to be too sour when you can't get them.
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MRI - you sound so defensive...
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I quite understand MRI-Milan and what she says and i think she has all the right to be "defensive" when all the interpretations and assumptions poured on that simple note of hers in the forum. There are plenty of women in beijing, shanghai who are quite well off themselves and they like cacausian men for their personal taste other than any of those materialistic reasons. Jumping into assumptions and generalising things and going all judgemental might not be the first choice for many people, but sadly still for some it looks. Also it is down to the guys, they know, at least they should know, when they meet a woman and what is that she's after. If he chooses to be with someone knowing that she's problably after material purposes and that is his choice. Or he still has the choice of having himself open and free for true feelings, affections and, love. And talking about love that's an all other topic different altogether that plenty has been said and done, yet still a big challege for most people's mind and heart.
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MRI_Milan, when you write a post in an advice forum that sounds more like a personal ad, you're going to be judged to some extent. Esp when you worded it in a way that doesn't project any of the education or worldliness you now brag about. And having lived overseas for 3 years doesn't mean you're "Westernised". As a Chinese woman who actually grew up overseas and now back in Asia, I find it irritating and quite frankly, pathetic to see so many local women or women who have lived a few years abroad, coming back and touting themselves as "bananas", when they're local as. And dating a white guy is all part of that. Nothing wrong with being local, but something wrong with passing off as if you're not.
And I might add, it works in reverse too. I went to Oktoberfest a couple of years ago in HK and these expat guys got on stage and said they were "from HK"...they were booed.
And as Aijin said, such an educated and worldly woman who has lived 3 whole years in the US, shouldn't have a problem meeting a quality Caucasian guy in Shanghai, no need to resort to a forum of strangers to tell you where to meet them.
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It may be unintentional
But the OP has made her sond like the kinda gal that nice caucasion boys should avoid.
We see too many posts on here from niave young western male who was sucked in, sucked dry, and blown out again.
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Muttles
Both you and MRI Milan have missed the point.
My wife IS Chinese BTW.
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It is the trampled heart, crushed pride, and empty wallet.
And feeling you were used.
Those we can do without. Nobody likes to be used, man or woman.
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I also have a sneaking suspicion that there is some trolling going on in this thread as well.
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ha ha Yep too true -
there is a book called why men marry b*****s and while i haven't read it it really is true
and particularly so with Western men and Chinese b*****s
how do i know?
because i am a Western man and my Chinese girlfriend is the biggest ***** in the whole of China -and we couldn't be happier! i tell her she is the biggest ***** in the whole of the PRC and she loves it -sorta like a badge of honour
kinda weird actually but once you realise the dynamic a recipe for true fulfillment
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Tigerbay next time just keep one hand on your wallet and you will be fine
"trampled heart crushed pride" its just part of the trip of life and eventually you realise its all just your own reaction to the situation that causes this type of pain
it happens to everyone at soem time or another but as you get older you get wiser--hence the tip for new players--keep control your own finances at all times no matter what
Golddiggers can be real fun if you keep to that golden rule
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Honkong 7
Spoken like a true player :-)
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"For example, I like women with large brown eyes and coffee-coloured skin; she may just like tall men and pale skin. Each to their own."
LGIMV> Let me guess, you are dark and short ... Indian? ;)
As much as Kaileyb objects to other asian women's preference for white men, it it their right to have a preference, she can always choose not to offer any help.
And while I do agree it's silly for locals who have been overseas for a few years to describe themselves as "from" the particular country where they have lived, I wonder why so many Asians who grew up in the West have a chip on their shoulder and clearly think of themselves as superior to locals.
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FKKC
15 yrs ago
I also wonder why! Well, if they act and think that way, the locals just classify and call them bananas.
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beedeedee - I don't object to other ppl's dating preferences, white, black, purple, whatever. What I objected to initially was the OP's wording of her "post" (aka personal ad) to make herself sound less than desirable and frankly, gagging for a white guy. Then to turn around and boast about the "3 years" she lived in the US and how educated she is.
And what "Asians who grew up overseas" have a problem with is not that we're "superior" but more precisely, ppl who pretend to be someone they're not. I know plenty of bananas who don't speak Cantonese very well and they wouldn't say they're still "from Hong Kong", because it just sounds funny. But I've had plenty of locals speak broken English to me and my friends, saying they're "from London" or "from San Francisco" when they can't even pronounce the name of the place?! What's with that??
If you actually got my points and read my posts properly, you would have seen that I said it also works in the reverse, where expats say they're "from Hong Kong" and they also get a WTF response. Same diff.
I think some locals like to act like they're bananas because of the implication they're more worldly. That they are financially better off because their families could afford to either move overseas or send them overseas to be educated. And I guess if you're Asian and grew up overseas and came back, looking Asian, but speaking native English and behaving very differently to locals, there is an element of the exotic about you.
If anyone thinks that bananas are "superior" it's the locals, because they're the ones trying to be like bananas, not the other way around. My point is, be proud of who you are, don't pretend to be something you're not for whatever reason, banana, local, alien or otherwise.
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FKKC
15 yrs ago
Nobody says that bananas are superior - either real & claimed to be real (nothing to do being fluent in a language either) - on the contrary, I think it's downright shameful not to accept one's own nationality.
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cd
15 yrs ago
I'm British, but when someone asks me where we're from I say Hong Kong. I've lived here 12 years and consider this my home, plus 2 of my kids were born here, so of course they're gonna say they're from HK even though they're English.
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not exactly an answer to your question, but i know a guy a who dated a Shanghainese, few months after dating, she would want to marry and and would want that and this and that, (of course not all shanghainese girls are like that, but they say most will likely be like that), he dumps her and later she pretended she's pregnant with his baby, anyways lot's of drama, finally he posted to another country.
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nwtg
15 yrs ago
i seriously don't know why you guys got so offended by Milan's post, there is nothing wrong to be honest about personal preference. I think she just want a good one, not the crappy ugly one! being picky is good too. that's why she still stays single, well, keep optimistic
meanwhile i completely understand what kaileyb said, the part i agree with you is when i see some ugly old western men with young (usually not good looking) girls together, it gross me out. let's just put them to "unqualified pair". Those girls are persuing their so-called promising life because they don't know life could be tougher abroad than in China. they have no clue what the life abroad is and what is waiting for them.....so they can sacrifice their emotion, their age and their body just for a relationship with a foreigner.
Milan doesn't sound like the girl who gross me out, she is expecting a nice western man to complete her life, i wish her all the best!
BTW, actually lots of shanghai girls are not interested in foreign men, the ones we see they are interested in western men are those who usually like to socialize with ppl. Those girls are just a very small part among shanghai girls, believe it or not, check it out by yourself in shanghai.
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Language and identity. Us and them. Solidarity and resistance. I love this thread!
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Agree with KaileyB about the 'Banana' comment.
I'm an ABC (Australian) and I find the locals rather offensive when they have a go at me for speaking canto with a 'foreigner' accent. Maybe it's because I was born and raised in a foreign country!?!? I'm sure they wouldn't be happy if I started having a go at them for their broken English!?
The other thing that really irks me is how the locals think ABCs are ignorant or feel they are too good for Chinese traditions etc because we're 'not really' Chinese. In my experience, I generally find ABCs usually have a more traditional mindset than the local young generation because our parents had to protect the traditions in a foreign country.
Personally, I agree that 'Locals' have this tendency to want to be more Western and they see ABCs as the model for what they would like to portray as a perception (there's been any number of times I've been told by local friends and local relatives that I'm 'different' and sought after just because I speak English very well, westernised and 'perceived' to be wealthy).
As KailyB has rightly pointed out, just be who you are, don't emulate something you are not.
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If the Caucasian is really in love with u then yes. But most of them in hk I'm not trying to dissappoint you they date several women. Do not fool yourself go and date some Asian observe their behavior and then compare. You will notice in comparison that Asian men are softer and likely to be very much attracted to you as an Asian. If on his mind you are a queen, pick that guy. You don't need a prince who pretends like he is in to you, and u can smell the fake right in his tantalizing eyes. But, if you think and you have convince yourself that he is deeply in love. Try, ask him to meet your parents to confess that you both are havin a relationship and that he is willing to take care of you. And if he followed that then maybe he has good and pure intentions towards you. If not, then sorry dear. There are so many gold hearted locals I believe. With a good heart man, you will live happily ever after. I promise u
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mayo
10 yrs ago
As far as I know you find them in Caucasia. The place is teaming with them, or so I hear.
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