Venting Histories?

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ORIGINAL POST

Posted by Kristin49998 19 yrs ago

Okay, this is lo-oo-oo-oong. However, might several of us [obviously me] need a thread just to tell our stories?

Here's a shortened [ha!] version of mine:

In 1999, an American Government-related Company moved my husband of 7 years to an Asian country on a one-year extendable post, no allowance for family in the first year. We had rarely been "happily married" but I refused to walk out with out two children and he wouldn't take responsibility for a break up. I begin searching for a job in the same country. [as a side note, from even before we were married we had wanted to move to Asia]

Three months after he is settled, he emails me that he wants a divorce. I argue [yes, argue] with him non-stop via email; he is evasive but adds that he wants to change jobs to one that is unsuitable for men with families.

I find a job that is three hours from him—to begin during his 9th month there—and accept it. He extends his contract for two more years… to stay in Asia.

After he has been there six months, I gather enough suspicion to ask him directly about his relationships because he suddenly begins writing me more often and sounds, well, depressed.

Yes, he HAD an ONLINE gf who dumped him b/c he couldn't move to her country and rescue her from the economic hardships there… also because he would not promise to take her back to America immediately.

I am VERY hurt, but cannot seem to talk to him reasonably without him accusing me of some kind of treachery, so I let him contact me and try to remain calm when writing him. I begin the process of moving "alone," with a 2½-year-old and a 7-year-old, to Asia.

Six weeks before the move is completed, I divine that he has another g/f by the timbre of his emails. He denies, saying that there IS a female around, because he has become a half-way house in the underground system of rescuing Philippinas from the "bar/dance club" trade who are lured over on false factory-job promises and then get stuck as illegals.

I move, and in the possibly stupidest thing I've ever done, use his work address for the excess baggage, including the family china from my mother.

Arrive in Asia. My immediate boss, an incurably romantic female, has gone extra lengths to provide me with a large family apartment, complete with a huge master bed.

Settle into new work routine. Can now text message husband, but only when he is at home. Can actually call him and talk to him on "landline" during his work hours [a number my hand phone cannot dial], but have little time due to my new job. Our relationship seems to settle into a tentative calm and we are nice to each other. I am slightly hopeful, but very wary.

Christmas Break. Since I am working for an International Co., I get a week plus for Christmas/New Year's. Phone call… from a distraught young lady with a noticeable accent. Am I "XX"? [uses my full first name, which I do not use].

She and I have a conversation during which I am remarkably calm and manage to say almost nothing—I only ask questions. Perhaps I was too shocked to be vitriolic!!

Her first question, after confirming my identity:

Will he [using HIS formal name, which I did not think he used] make a good daddy?

Now THIS is a surprise [especially since he had a vasectomy almost 3 years earlier].

I ask: How much contact does he have with his children now? She begins to cry; tells me that he doesn't contact his daughter [singular] because of me and that my other daughter is not his child since we have been divorced for seven years.

I do not correct her [!!! Looking back, I am amazed at myself!!].

She wants my "blessing" on their relationship and wants to be able to know his daughter.

I ask her to explain why I –and "my" two daughters—are covered by his health insurance. She says that was part of the divorce agreement. [again, I don't questions the logic here—how many divorce agreements cover children who are not to be born for 5 years?].

She tells me that I do not seem mean [!].

I tell her—the only non-question statement other than confirming my name in the beginning—that she can ask any questions that she has.

Again, "Is he a good father?"

I ask, "Do you know him very well?"

"Yes."

"How often does he try to contact his children?" [okay, I do use the plural]

More tears…

"Where is he living?" I am investigating now…

"In his own rented house."

"Why isn't he in a company-provided place?"

"They gave him a dorm room and he doesn't like his roommate."

"Aren't those rooms only for married men on one-year contracts?"

"There wasn't anything else when he got here."

There must have been more—we were on the phone for over two hours—but I don't remember any more of it except that I didn't say anything negative about him or give her any facts, just asked fairly rhetorical questions.

Later that evening he called me and bawled me out for all the lies I told her. I swore to him that I hadn't TOLD her a single thing, that I only asked her questions.

And I never got my china… he told me later that one of his female bosses [who had called me several times] took the box and used my china and the towels in which it was wrapped. I believe either she took it and then didn't know how to get it to me or he took it…. Wait… how did he know about the towels? [truth at last!!]

Now, folks, it's your turn....