What to do if am deeply in love with a womaniser?

My ex-GF broke up with me one day, after being together for three months. She had sex with another guy the very next night and told me about it. In fact the reason she stated for breaking up with me was that she needed to play around and she thought I had become too serious with her. During the break-up, we were still living in the same flat, different rooms.


Half a week later I sent her an SMS saying I would stay out that night and asking her if it was okay. I told her I planned on staying with a female friend who was visiting from Beijing. I just wanted to make sure there were no issues at play here. She replied "go ahead, it's not my business anyway". So I did.


I still loved her, and we got together a week later. Shortly after getting back together, she told me "I am still haunted by what you did to me. Every time I make love to you I will think of HER."


My point is that hypocrisy knows no bounds when it comes to sex. Cheaters or players or casual sex addicts dismiss their own behavior, as if it doesn't even happen, doesn't mean anything, is completely normal and unavoidable for them. They feel no guilt whatsoever. That won't stop them from being "disgusted" or "heart-broken" or "haunted" when the coin is flipped.

Agree with the poor man. I had a casual relationship with a businessmen (single) who traveled to HK on a regular basis. It filled a void for me and I was fond of him and enjoyed the intimacy and affection. Later I met a man and started a relationship with him, over time I told him about my previous casual relationship which I ended as soon as I began my new relationship. He could not accept the fact that I had conducted such a relationship and would question how I could do such a thing. This was from a man who was picking up a couple of women a week in LKF or Wan Chai. Once we broke up I would bump into him and see him in action. coincidently I even know two girls her has slept with YET he had such an issue with my morality!! Total hypocrisy and he couldn't even see it. Jungle Duet don't accept one set of standards for him and another set of you!

I still can't figure out whether you want a friendship with him or a future relationship. If you really want a friendship, you're gonna have to learn to laugh about all his exploits - it seems to be a life choice for him. To what extent can you judge your friends' life choices?


You'll also have to decide whether this is gonna be a "discuss everything" friendship or a casual "I'll tell you what seems right and proper" distance friendship. I tend to subscribe to the theory that certain topics are on a "need to know" basis.


If you want a relationship with him eventually, you might do some research into the bacterial growth resulting from 2-3 casual relationships per week. My take on it: Ewwww. If you wouldn't subject a lab rat to it, avoid direct physical contact.

Travelinteacher I don't think a serial womaniser's exploits are the stuff to 'laugh about it' it's too degrading to know that someone you love can do this to another person on a regular basis and what kind of thinking is behind him telling JD about his experiences.I'm no psychologist but he is trying to absolve his guilt here,he can still be a player and poor JD loves him,the guy has it made.

He thinks he is god's gift to women "I am afraid that you will try to seduce me..." hahaha sorry but this guy thinks he's heaven on a stick!

JD four years without sex is an eternity so ask yourself is this love or just an obsession on your part.You must pull yourself together the situation is becoming too distressful for you.

Sex addicts are like alcoholics and drug addicts,it's an illness with no cure just control.

I agree totally. It goes back to the original assertion as to what type of friends you want to be with this guy. Judging him won't make the friendship strong. Since it should be impossible to laugh off the exploits, you probably won't want to be around him much because you can't respect him.


Perhaps the best conversation is no conversation. It's the only logical outcome.

Funny thing about Hong Kong, I actually know of "player legends" I've never met. When I first got to HK, my friends told me to watch out for someone named "the stallion" (apparently he and his friends called him that). Never met him. Wonder if he's still out there.


Reputations preceed here.

To jungle duet,

First thing first, what's the status of the relationship?