Hey People, I was just having a chat with girlfriends over some drinks and we stumbled upon the topic of "How Soon Is Too Soon (well, to sleep with a guy). We just couldn't agree on the length of time....some said they had good relationships that started from an ONS (yes, its true, seen them together..), another said she waited for a few weeks to get intimate, but didn't end up doing "It" (he stopped calling) and then another said she slept with a guy after 3 dates, and he didn't call her after that?
So guys and gals, what's the deal with the timing? Is it true that if a girl slept with a guy before they are officially a couple, she'll be reduced to a "booty call" or on a reserve list of girls (which means he will continue dating as he already "had" her?)
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I haven't had that much dating experience. I was in a long term relationship, and when he got out of it, I went a bit nuts with the ONS.
In my limited experience, ONS always called! Usually the next day. There were only 5, but they did all call me and ask me out. I don't mean to sound like I'm bragging or anything, because honestly I'm not. I just want to share my experience. Because, my opinion really is, if it feels right to sleep with him, just do it!
I think the girl's attitude after sex effects how things work out. All my friends told me men don't call after ONS, so I acted as if I didn't expect anything to happen the next day, but they always called. Maybe that's why, because I didn't make them feel pressured that once we've done it they have to see me again, and that made them want to see me again.
Basically, Zenith, I don't think you should put a time limit on it, I think you should just do what feels right for you. If you want to shag him after five minutes, and that's right for you, then you should do it! If you want to wait months or years, then that's your choice. It's your body and your feelings, and no one can tell you what's right, except for you.
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Thanks. Both your answers seem to have 1 common principle. Its a personal choice and there's no right and wrong.
But actually, my question is more about what a guy THINKS about a girl when she sleeps with him before there were an item?
And GALS, have any of you find yourselves expecting and awaiting nothing at all after a night of passion? I know Pupa has, but just wanted to know if all women are so Liberated as well?
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Well, if the guy doesn't call.. there's no harm in calling him! That's part of being liberated too!
Oh! I forgot to say in my last post, because you mentioned about if a ONS can turn into anything. My first ever ONS eventually turned into the 4 year relationship I have now. I even immigrated to Hong Kong for this guy, so it can work out!
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Well, what happened was (I love telling this story) ...
I knew him through a friend, and he invited me to go clubbing with him and his friends because I'd just been dumped and he wanted to cheer me up. I'm quite shy, so the guys were kind enough to buy me drinks to help me relax and I soon started to hit it off with this guy. We were dancing and chatting, and the rest. In due course, he asked me back to his place. Then he walked me home a couple hours later.
It just happens that he was friends with my friends so I saw him again, but we didn't make any promises to get together again, and we hung out, and the ONS thing happened again.
And again.. .
And again...
But then I moved cities, and it we didn't make any promises to stay together, but he called, and I called, and then I visited.
I think what makes it a ONS is that we weren't dating, we were seeing other people casually at the same time. Not cheating! Just dating. Neither of us had a bf/gf, so it wasn't cheating. But in my mind an ONS is where it starts off as just one night. If it develops then all the better.
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If a guy just wants to "pump and run", he'll do it after a ONS, or after weeks of trying to get into your pants.
But if a guy wants something serious, he might lose patience eventually... unless you're showing serious interest in other ways.
There are a lot of girls in HK who date just to get free dinners, and have absolutely no plans to "do the deed" with some of the guys they date repeatedly for this purpose.
Don't let a guy think you're one of those.
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Yo People, very interesting insights. I guess at the end of the day, it depends on the invidual. If sleeping with a person too soon makes you feel bad, dont' do it. But if you are alright with just enjoying the pleasure of it, then as long as you play "safe", go for it. Women enjoy sexual intimacy as much as men.
MIN, if you are reading this like I recommended, here are your answers gal!
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It depends on what your looking for. Most girfriends I've talked with say they wait at least a month.
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Why do your girlfriends put a time limit on it? It just seems strange. If they're not sure about the guy, and not sure if they like him, will they still sleep with him just because the time limit has expired?
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