so sad...

I like this guy for quite a long time. About 2 months ago, we started to date. We had a great time together, or at least I think so. But today I find out that he is having a vacation with this girl(he made the impression that he went by himself, and I never asked). I am heartbroken now...


We never discussed about anything exclusive, but for me, seeing someone else seems like to swallow another bite of food when your stomach is already full. Making the situation worse is that I know this girl. She is adorable, I like her a lot! Now I feel like I am a loser... What can I do?

That must sting 2much – I am sorry to hear what has happened.

But you have to admit that, lucky for you, this lasted only a couple of lovely months and now it's over.

It sounds like you can't abide the thought of sharing (I'm with you on that one) so you must just move on.

We all have regrets and 'what ifs' in our memories, but that is what makes life so rich.

Don't feel like sloppy seconds or a loser; you're not.

If I get annoyed at the amount of time I am spending on some man that has shat upon me from a great height, I realise i need to focus on more important things. I then turn to my trusted rune stones which seem to give me the one element that helps me forgive and forget the situation, so that I can move on.


good luck and be nice to yourself xxx

Ya I know it is time to wake up and walk away. Though I really like him.

But I have to see him and this girl almost everyday! Just can not imagine how should I react when I see him, or, even worse, them together...

He is not a nice guy

Thank you so much for listening guys. It helps a lot to have someone to talk to right now.


Lammasita: I do feel like second/loser. Never had this kind of experience before. How can I get over it?


JC: Always enjoy reading your post. Never thought one day I will need it myself. thank you...

yes met guys like these before, the best way to deal with is to cut your contacts with him asap, count the days, 1 month later, you will feel absolutely nothing about this guy. Hard to believe? have a try and come back and tell us how you feel - good luck, sweetie!

But you're NOT!!!

The idea of having to see them seems a bit cringy. I really feel for you on that one. It will wear away with time but for now definitely makes it hard to just walk away.

I know what I'd do, which is very probably the wrong thing to do, but I would allow that friendship fade away. However, there can be a lot of regret that comes with doing that and you have to ask yourself if you really need and want that friendship or not. I must admit I would feel foolish every time I saw them. I would get through it okay, but would not enjoy it.


Just please try and promise yourself that you will not let this affect your self esteem.


Listen to your negative thoughts about yourself, but then let them pass away. Imagine them smaller and greyer and finally whizzing off into the distance; get rid of any negative thought you have had over your past actions. They don't help or heal but they do hinder your progress back to normality.


Just give yourself time and take care of yourself!





....I just wish I could listen and act on my advice as easily as I can dish it out!!

2much >> there's always a tsunami-oriented guy/gal out there to ruin one's life. When you happened to be at the receiving end, however, never see youself as a loser, but someone who has been enriched to face tomorrow and what it'll bring.


You've had great advise from folks here, but you still see yourself as some loser .....; that's not the way to go, girl. Put a positive spin on the whole thing and live happily. Peace out??


SHAQ

Do not be unhappy for what happen, instead learn from it....Be Cool and Happy!

Why so many tossers around. They do not mind to admit they are!! Oh well, another one bite the dust. Well you never alone, cos you can see so many people posting here were being fooled by scums. I am always one of them...no worries.


I just so scared of liking someone cos it always hurt.

Just spent my night at gym, hoping that could help me out of blue... But there was no single minute that I stop thinking of him. My heart hurts so much that I wanna scream!!! Still love him, though wish I could hate him.

They will be back later next week. Have to pull myself together before that.

Ps:Reading all these heartfelt input, I thank god that there are still plenty warm hearts out there, I will be fine, I will...

2 much> good to see you done some positive action. Yeah go to the gym, shopping, watch a movie, that will take your mind away a bit. I understand it hurts ( me still hurts too!) but life goes on, we got to live anyway, why not live happily?


Why we feel sad and angry on somebody`s fault?

I am going out of my mind now, don't think I can sleep tonight... Help me!!!!!!!!

2much - no one can help u except you, everyone gives you sound advice, you just have to act on it. no matter how much you are thinking of the guy, if you make sure you stay away from him, u'll be all fine in a month. there is no excuses about you having to see them both all the time, just stop seeing them, if your friend is a true friend, she will still be your friend in a month or 2 when ur over him.

Thank you guys! What I am gonna do now is to light a candle, put on some sad music and take a long bath. Probably will cry my eyes out. Hope I won't drown myself purposely :(


Ps: I have to see him because the work thing, so unless I change my job, I will have to see him...

Asking myself if I still want him back if he want to, as much as I love him, the answer is no, which even surprises myself.


Must stop thinking about all those beautiful moments, late night talks, sweet hugs/kisses and all... And definitely can not dwell on the idea that he is actually having a good time with her. But the problem is HOW?


Ya, I know from the beginning that it is not wise to date someone at work, but just could not say no when he asked me out and could not help falling for him along the way. Too bad...

JC - I applaud you! think of those who have been with someone for years and abandoned, and what about those in marriages over a decade? I remember the way i healed myself when i was last heart broken - i was out meeting with my friends, playing golf and doing some yoga etc, back home I had all my collection of happy tunes on all nite and danced along. So it took about 2 months to get over and i was with the guy for over 1 year, try all of these then.

The worst day had passed, barely slept.


I know it has only been 2 months, no big deal, but I believe when comes to love, you just can not compare the hurts.


Will take a dance class tonight, with happy tunes for sure...


Can not delete his msn, phone number, destroy his photos like JC said. It feels like tear my heart open and rub salt into the wound. Stupid, right?

The second you delete his msn, get rid of his telephone number and his photos you will free liberated. You have no clue what you are missing. As a matter of fact it will continue hurting as bad for as long as you long on to all that. Get over it. Concentrate on something else

Hi 2much, you are very lucky as you just started to date 2 months. I was dating a guy nearly 2 years and now I found out he just get married 1 month ago. Should I be upset and heart broken ?

it's always ok to get upset, even cry it out loud for a good while, but then we got to move on...and live. Time is the best remedy for curing this.


You never alone too. no worries.

LovelyD: I am sorry to hear what happened to you...


Nemesis:It is the second time, last time ended 1year ago(last 3 years).


Now think about it, I know the problem is that we have different expectation. And he is so good at hiding, I was totally in dark about his multiple-dating.


The fact that he never loved me makes me sick. Any further thought about him will be a totally waste of time and energy, BUT against all my better judgement I still dreamed of him last night and woke up all tears...


They will be back in several days, should I confront him or just ignore them and move on?

My dear 2much, confront him about what exactly? About not sharing the expectation of exclusivity that you had?


I truly empathize with you - I understand your hurt. I understand your pain. These feelings are natural (albeit tremendously uncomfortable) to have under the circumstances. I promise you, you will get through this.


I have found that when there is the desire to understand (& learn from) what happened, it is best to stick to the facts. The simple fact is, what either of you expected in the relationship was never made clear.


Underneath it all, it is possible that you both were playing some unconscious "don't ask, don't tell" game. He never told you he was going on holiday with someone else, and you did not ask! Did you feel that you had the right to ask? Or were you afraid to? And what was behind that fear? Only you can answer those questions honestly for yourself.


It doesn't erase the fact that what he did was plain ignorant - typical of most young/immature men - it was careless and thoughtless.


It doesn't erase the fact that you feel pain right now and you are hurt because you shared something special of yourself with him, and he was too immature to step up to the plate & reciprocate in kind.


There is no need to confront him; it would make the already awkward situation of you working together intolerable. Just take care of your own needs at this time - take care of yourself.


Ignoring things do not make them disappear - you will have to work through this pain, but the good news is at least you don't have to rely on anyone else - this is empowering. You can do this!


If it were me (and it has been, many a time), I would allow myself time to grieve, paying close attention to avoid anything that would intensify or prolong my sorrow (like sad music, hun!). It's healthy to greive, not healthy to loose yourself in a pit of despair.


IF he were to attempt to talk with me/try & date me/pretend like nothing happened, I would say something like this:


"I know you went on holiday with 'x'. I felt hurt and betrayed when I found out because I thought you and I had something exclusive, but I now realize that you may have felt differently. I understand that it was never made clear on either side. I am not comfortable being in a relationship that is 'open', so I would prefer to maintain a work relationship with you only."


By using 'I' and not 'you', you are simply stating YOUR feelings, without blame, without criticism, without judgement... YOU are only being responsible FOR YOU. His mistakes are his sh*t to deal with, not yours. Let him stew in his.


I have been through these things a number of times before - and although I could never see it at the time, I have now eventually found that those challenges were an opportunity for growth: for me to learn what it is I want & do not want in a relationship...to learn to express what I want and need from a partner... to learn to express myself clearly...and for me to realize that I am complete already, that I do not require a partner to make me whole.


Try not to avoid your own painful feelings around this, hun - you need to feel them fully & release them before you can move on. And you WILL move on...


God & the Angels are with you, 2much...

As they are with us all.

lotusinbloom: thank you so much for what you have said. I really appreciate it.


Now its time to stop self-pity, and learn something from the whole thing. First of all, I realise that I made a huge mistake by not expressing myself clearly and taking something for granted. It will never be a healthy relationship if either part keeps avoiding such an important topic as "where are we or where are we going"; Shouldn't have dated someone that I am working with, no matter how tempting the offer is, it will definitely end up in a mess; Its so nice to have some good friends around you, even they might call you "a fool", but they actually will be there and hold your hands through...


I am lucky that I found it out before its too late, that I am independent, that I have so many things to do in my life, that I have good friends to turn to, that I also can get so many warm and wise advice from here...


The sun is shinning today, Its a good sign. In despite of all the pain I feel right now, I know, given time, I will dry my tears, move on and be a better me, good men will come along...

Awww, 2much - you are special and so very right! You ARE an independent and empowered woman; you DO have so many things to do with your life; you DO have good friends to turn to; and you DO have a support group right here! :)


Remember, it was JUST a mistake - one that you know about now and can avoid the next time around! We are all learning - we all make mistakes, 2much.


You are ALREADY a better you, hun! And you are in the midst of learning powerful lessons that will bring you to the man most right for you...in time, sweet one, in time...


With wishes for all the blessings in life...


Me xxx