Posted by
selda
17 yrs ago
I mean, does it work?
In some cultures, romantic love and marriage are totally different things, you marry the one chosen by your family, and fantasise about someone else, or keep him/her as a side dish.
In matters of love i have always followed my heart, rather than used my brain...so i can't really comment on the viability of "practical love", but am curious to hear about other perspectives.
I fall in love with men who run away from me, and ignore those who run to me...even when they are obviously nice guys, grounded and healthy individuals, who are generous with their time and emotions.
Is it possible to learn how to love a good man, and forego the bad ones, and the emotional rollercoaster that inevitably follows?
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gabb
17 yrs ago
I think we should all follow our heart. Love comes naturally, it's not suppoed to be "forced". But my problem is I tend to just say no and never give people a chance just by my gut feeling that I will not falll in love with them simply because they do not fit into my "criteria" of who I will like romantically.
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Give those that run to you a chance and u will see how incredible they are. If u keep ignoring those that truly wanna be with u, u end up being hurt by jerks.
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Tolu
17 yrs ago
seriously , i need someone who needs a serious relationship in china and i would love to have a direct link to her , and i will be happy to travel down to meet with her ,, will like to tell more about my self to her ,, age 30 upwards will be good for me...
Thanks
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selda
17 yrs ago
i know, i know...but as gabb said, there is always that problem...these people might not meet the ideal criteria we have in mind.
You meet someone who is loving, caring, generous, fun to be with, the sexual chemistry is very good, you like his friends, his style, his personality, he respects you, calls to make sure you got home safe, makes time for you even if he is very busy at work, etc. but for some reasons you can't stop thinking about some bastard who broke your heart, was unreliable, mysterious, and so damn good-looking. It's such a common scenario...i would say 90% of my friends experience this!
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San12
17 yrs ago
selda, i read the other thread in which you said you always end up choosing someone who's like your father. Do you think it doesn't have as much to do with how the guys are like but their availability or lack thereof? Could it be that you're subconciously trying to replicate the same kind of emotionally distant/unavailable relationship you had with your father because that's what you've known so far and are most familiar with? Just a thought.
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dazed
17 yrs ago
selda, i sympathise completely...and the bastard who just broke my heart wasn't even that good-looking! and much older than me. and eventho i've ended it i still keep thinking about him. but san12 has a point. i find i'm attracted to older men/father figures because i had a loving but complex relationship with mine. how to break the cycle when you're subconsciously drawn to these types? perhaps it's time to force ourselves to listen to our brains rather than our hearts?
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I thought love would conquer all. I also thought if there is good communication every hick-up in a relationship could be solved. I also thought that compromise was the key and respecting each other and there boundaries accompanied by empathy and understanding. However I have also learned that these key requirements must be equally done from both parties of the relationship.
Sayings I have heard:
A relationship is like two shire horses pulling a plough, if they don't pull evenly they will end up going in circles
Someone said that the greatest lesson one could learn is to love another and be loved in return.
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Who sang that awful song I can't recall??? Agree with JC on this one.Thinking you love someone just because you can't be with the person you really want to be with isn't fair on anyone.
Stay single and keep searching.
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selda
17 yrs ago
so, i guess most people here agree that you can't grow love the way you grow tomatoes, no matter how much devotion and care you put in it.
Whenever i meet a nice guy as opposed to the usual emotionally distant jerks, I am tempted to give it a chance, but i feel that if the butterflies are not fluttering in my stomach, it's pretty doomed from the start.
If i am interested, i come on too strong, let's call it overdrive, my engine is roaring, and i can't wait to get to the destination :-) so if the guy is a bit faint-hearted, he runs a mile.
On the other hand, when i am not interested i am a paragon of virtue, which makes the guy pursue me like there is no tomorrow.
If only i could be as cool with he object of my passion, the problem would be solved!
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NKNTR
17 yrs ago
SELDA is a Turkish female name wondering that are you a Turkish Female or not?
(I am based in Istanbul, Turkey )
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