M facing a tough problem, need serious advice!



ORIGINAL POST
Posted by missome1 18 yrs ago
I have been together with my bf since last year end. We went for vacation during the CYN holidays. He wants to see me every day even though I've told him that I am busy and tired on that day. Actually we are in love with each other. He wld send sms or calls me several times a day when he was going out for his business trip. He told his family,friends and colleagues about me. I can see that he is serious and loves me quite much. Everything seems too good to be true...I m wondering sometime.


However I found a shock news last weekend... My bf has herpes II but he didn't tell me before we are together. I asked him then he told me after I've consulted my doctor about the pills in blue that he has been taking them for few months. I am very confussed and upset with he is being dishonest. As I love him, I tried my best to be calm and not being angry to listen to his explanation, and we talked to each other see if we could figure out something. (Cos I understood that even being anyry or blame on him, it can't help to change thing better.) Still no conculsion yet. But I forgave him the next day.


I have been waiting for my test report since last weekend. Honestly I am fear of the report said "positive". But if the report is "negetive". Should I keep the relationship with him? Is that possible? On the other hand, I am fear of getting the herpes from him. Up to this moment, I have not found any symptoms yet.


Are there any people have the similar experience or any professional here, serious reply please! Thank you very much in advance!

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COMMENTS
kopfan888 18 yrs ago
regardless of whether the test comes out as positive or negative he actually lied to you and did not tell you he had it. Thats not a good start in any relationship as without honesty and trust the relationships dead.


Personally I'd walk away

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hkham 18 yrs ago
Agreed with RD, consult your doctor is most effective way. Get the whole picture on hand and whether you would stay with your bf is minor!


Need to be cautious if it is not curable, it may not the impact to you, and probably your kids (in the future).



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missome1 18 yrs ago
Hi, thanks you guys the advices!


My test report is "negetive", at least he has tried to not to transmit me the herpes. Right, he is being selfish and no honesty. But I do understand that why he being like this. As he is fear of losing me after telling me the true. He looked very sad the past few days, he thought that I would leave him if the report was "negetive". I also know that he is really love me indeed. That's why that I forgave him.


I am going to see his doctor this afternoon, I would like to see what is the real situation and his advice if we keep staying together.


One more thing, he is 48, m 42. We have decided not to have any children before we are together.


Some more advices are still welcome, please!

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clan 18 yrs ago
I don't think he actually lied to you. He just didn't tell you the whole story. I can understand your confusion and anger. However give him he benefit of the doubt and educate yourself about herpes first. I am sure that he would never put you in danger My limited experience suggests that it can only be transmitted when there are scabs and I'm guessing (as you have never noticed this) that there weren't any up to now. I think you are handling it very well. You need to look at your relationship to see if it has the strength to overcome this...do you love him enough?.....it's not the end of the world but talk to him....

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missome1 18 yrs ago
Thank you very much, clan!


To lemon tart: Yes, I m sure he does. But just not everyone understands that what is real love. To give, forgive, caring, being honest, always thinking what is the best for your lover... just some people are still learning about this... no matter what age.

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missome1 18 yrs ago
Hi guys, thanks again for your replies!


JC, thank you very much for the information of Medical Center. I will check it out later.


I would like to tell you guys that all the questions you asked, actualy I have asked him already and thought about them carefully. That's why I am going to see his doctor 1 hour later.


He told me that he just found this about last year November from a blood test. But he guess that he has been having it about 6 years ago. At that time he had his only one infection on his tongue and face. He hasn't found any infection from his gentital during the past 6 years. Therefore he didn't realize that he has herpes II until last year Nov. He told me his doctor has his medical history, that's one of the reasons, I will see his doctor later.


He explained that one of the reasons he didn't tell me earlier, cos his previous two gfs didn't get the herpes from him even though he didn't take any medician. Yes, maybe he laid...anyway I m going to see his doctor soon..






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Sasquatch 18 yrs ago
Umm Im gonna have to agree with facaron here. According to the TV ads for the meds everybody with the herps still goes kayaking and mountain biking. So how bad could it really be. Its not like Diabetes or AIDS or anything that can be life threatening. It probably barely affects your quality of life once you on the pill.


Seriously she's said she's (42?) and doesnt want kids. They love each other. Come on here I am not trying to bash or bring down you old folks LOL, but at their ages if they have found each other and can be happy then she REALLY needs to think twice about giving him the boot for this.


By all means blast him a little for not being straight with you so he knows never to go there again and just deal with it. The drugs suppress outbreaks. It IS possible to catch it when theres no outbreak but its rare and even if you get it, your partner already has it so it really wouldnt matter IF and its a big if, you're sure hes the last partner you plan on having.


my thoughts anyway for what they are worth. I know a lot of unhappy single 40+ year old women. If you arent one of them consider what you have and forgive him. You can always throw it in his face every time you fight for the rest of his life LOL.

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