Posted by
lost101
18 yrs ago
My husband recently admitted to me unwillingly that whilst away on business trips sometimes he gets a "happy ending" massage.
Is this considered cheating?
I feel really bad cuase it's been 9 months and I still can't seem to get over it, I can't show any affection towards him and I just feel sometimes it might be best to leave except for our young baby that we have.
Can anyone tell me if I'm over reacting to this as I know he didn't sleep with anyone and he said he was always drunk at the time and it didn't mean anything but I still feel like sh*t when I think about what he did.
What to do?
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We have been married for 9 years and things were fantastic until this happened and since he told me he has been begging for me to forgive him and asking what he can do etc and said nothing like this will ever happen again. I said I wasn't sure if I could stay and he was so scared of loosing not only me but his child as well so I think he is really sorry, its just the part were I have to show effection is hard cause I keep thinking back to what he did with someone else.
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I think OP needs to ask herself a couple questions.
1, Do I want to be with a cheating husband?
2, Do I want my child to grow up with a father who pays for sex?
For me, a man who pays for sex is worse than a cheater, but a man who pays to cheat. That's gotta be pretty bad. I have to be honest, I'm a bit naive and I'm not sure exactly what a happy ending entails. I hope I never will find out.
Just to dispel Hoyo's incredibly negative opinion of men, my boyfriend recently went on a business trip to San Fran and he did NOT cheat, nor pay for sex, nor anything! He did go to bars and hang out, and he did forget to get me a souvenir.
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Your husband paid a prostitue to do a sexual act...if that isn't cheating I don't know what is.
How do you think your husband would feel if you went for a massage and the naked man who massaged you naked then did a sexual act upon you, not once but many times. Do you think he would be happy about that and be able to forget about it?
Get rid of the creep!
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he was acting really weird then told me he had to go to the doctor when he found out he had caught a STD so he had to tell me cause then I had to get checked out too and when I didn't have it and he did it all came out. There was no intercourse involved in his cheating just oral but still I felt dirty and like I lost a huge part of our relationship overnight.
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Your man, with another woman, involved in whatever way -- IT IS CHEATING, FULL AND COMPLETE, NOT HALF! Period!
What you do about it, is of course your take.
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The only thing he could've caught from oral or h.e's would be thrush, or I guess, herpes and both could be explained away. Methinks it's not the whole truth..........
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it was a form of herpes and I looked it up on the internet and asked doctors and it comes from a females throat so I do believe him when he said that that's all that happened.
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You just have false hopes, lady.... very few men come out with the whole truth. My experience. When it can't be totally denied they just give you the bare minimum details supported by great arguments!
Wake up... you sound very naive.... how young are you? Is this your first relationship?
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@@
18 yrs ago
I would suggest both you and your husband get some conselling, first indivdual then togehter if needed. If you want to save your marriage then I think he must "really" understand what this has done to you.
Also, there are many STD's which can be picked up with oral sex - including HIV.
I think Dr Melanie Bryan is excellent (if you can afford the $1500 per hour - well worth it).
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JC is right, women know these things about their men. Some men don't cheat, it's a fact! There are some men out there who do know right from wrong, and know how to treat their significant other with the respect that they deserve!
What OP needs to decide is if her husband did that, and if she wants to put up with this behaviour!
Why do men cheat and pay for it when they can get the same service from home for free?!
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couples counselling definately sounds like the best option if you ask me... at least you might be able to get to the bottom of your feelings for each other... Good Luck.... Friends have used Resource counselling in Duddell street, it comes recommended...
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I think, if he takes such a risk, and almost gives her an STD, it shows a total lack of regard and incredible disrespect. At worst an STD can kill you, at best it can leave you infertile, and he took that risk with her life? Do you think such a man deserves a second chance?
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Forgive once, may lead to a second and third trial. Men are always like this, keep on challenging women's limit. this time is massage-sex, next time will be drinking-sex....unless you really trust he will NEVER cheat you again, and define again the meaning of "cheat" because men may think having sex with other woman is not cheating.
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Sailinghome -- I did not know you need counselling to get to know your feelings for eachother!!! That shows how far apart you are!
The guy is untrustworthy if he doesn't use protection or in anyway makes his wife vulnerable to any disease. Cheating is only one blunder he has committed.
Counselling will probably help to find out what is wrong in his head... issues from childhood or some serious setback/shock in life.
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Zonked: my comment was based on the fact that lost101 does not know what to do... she feels she should be with he husband but does not know whether she wants to be with her husband, and to find that out, I thought that counselling may help.
Lost101: I do agree that what your husband did was very wrong, but I (personally) think that everyone deserves a chance... we all do really stupid things that we regret, and if after some counselling you decided that staying in the marriage is not the right thing, I wouldn't blame you... but to end the marriage now without even trying to save it for everyone's sake, including your child, is in my opinion a very drastic decision to make. you've obviously tried to help yourself get over it for the last 9 months and it's not worked... maybe it's now time to see if someone else, outside the marriage, can help..?
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Totally understand. My man cheated on me a year ago and he keeps using prostitutes. I know i should dump him but i'm still very in love with him. I agree that men once taste that, they just can't resist. Although most of them would ask for forgiveness and promise they wouldn't do it again, these are just sugar coated words. What we get will be disappointment and hurts.
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I think everyone deserves a chance...God always give us a testing time...To seek for counselling is a very good move...Friend of mine had a similar situation once, and they fixed it through counselling...He told me it takes a very long time to build up a trust with his wife...it's worth doing the hard way...He is a happy man these days...
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Justin Credible (Part Deux) - Well actually he cheated on his wife...
We are not perfect, and we all make mistakes...But if you are not willing to forgive then shouldn't be involved the relationship in the first place.
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goldenleaves - I agree...Forgiving your mate does not mean that you condone his or her actions. Rather it means that you feel and work through all your feelings, and then eventually find your way back to seeing your partner as someone who is human, just like you.
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I think forgiveness in a relationship is important when he forgets your birthday cos he's under pressure at work, or he doesn't pick up the dry cleaning when you're too busy to get it, or he casually mentions you put on a bit of weight this year, or he does something equally stupid.
I don't think forgiveness should even come up when he almost gives you an STD because he got oral off some dirty hooker! (I say 'dirty' as she was diseased.)
I'm sorry, but he paid for something he could get at home, and he got an STD from it. DTMFA!
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