Posted by
elebabe
16 yrs ago
Will you forgive your partner if he/she checked your sms behind your back? The reason for doing that is insecurity and wanting to know if he/ she is 100% into you. I know it's something disgraceful, but my bf has been very secretive since we started going out (for over a year now). I know we all need space and privacy, but it bothers me as I can't trust him 100%. Recently I checked his sms. Now I feel guilty and want to confess to him as I can't stand hiding things from him. Shall I confess? Will he forgive me? Please advise. Many thanks. E.
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Trust is the cornerstone of a relationship. It can only get worse going forward.
Ditch the idot and move on.
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Yes. I'd forgive you. (and have).
The larger issue is your insecurity
and lack of communication to your
partner. Tell him your needs , be open to
theirs, and revisit the topic weekly.
Trust will grow and you'll become closer
Partners & Friends.
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hi there,
Absolutely agreed with Flashback here..
Just leave it behind and stop checking his SMS anymore. But definitely not suggest to tell him about that. Just no need.
Bring back yr self-confidence and stop curious about what's he talking or dealing with all the time...Focus on yrself and not him, it will makes you more happy, trust me. If he's too secretive even in front of you, then I suggest to ask him directly why he's doing it and tell him u doesn't feel respectful, see how he reacts. If he cares about you he will stop doing that that's all....
Be happy!
Posted by flashback (3 hrs ago)
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Look ... leave off with the confessions....
The reality is, we don't need to tell our nearest and dearest every crazy thought that spins around in our head.
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Thank you all for your comment...
iwilltry - you made me light-hearted...
flashback & carrot - leaving it behind may be the right way, but I was thinking if I told him, that would stop me doing it again, and if he understands my reason for doing that, he would forgive me. As Polyinthecity said, I'd forgive him had I put myself in the shoes.
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PMH
16 yrs ago
Hi Elebabe,
trust me, even if u tell him, you will not stop doing it again when u hv doubt abt him.
therefore, the best cure, if u want to be wz him, learn to trust him.
confessing to him, will ease yr guilt n make u happy but not him.
juz keep it as yr little secret n need not tell him what u did.
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phm & flashback... Thanks again. You are right, I do see now if it's something that won't do good for the relationship but me feeling better, why doing it? well, point taken. after all, i need to deal with the trust issue which was derived from a very bad past experience... thanks.
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nom
16 yrs ago
I totally totally 100000000000% agree with Yoda Nirvana!
you should kick him in the nuts before cutting it off too.
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yoda / nom...
I am afraid that will be too much. Afterall, we live in the civilized world. If I find him cheating, then he is not worth my love and I will leave him. That's all. The world is so big, I am sure there will be someone out there who deserves my love.
Thanks for your comment tho. :-)
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E
I also had bad experiences in the past which damaged my trust towards relationships. It is very hard to rebuild it. I can't say now I 100% trust my husband after nearly 5 years of marriage. But I choose to be positive and try not to let those doubts dominate my life. Sometime you have to let go of the shadow and be happy. You know what I mean?
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Do not confession, but stop check his sms. Love is trust, but one day if you found he is not your best choise and he cheat you. YOU have a right to find yourself right away.
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thank you all for your valuable advice. one thing that i see clearly now is that confession won't do any good to the relationship. and i have decided not to check sms any more, instead i need to deal with the trust issue. i will try that and best regards to everyone who visit this thread.
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elebabe, your feeling of insecurity for your bf makes me wonder if he is the right one for you.
i had the exact same feeling in previous relationships and it never improved. I have now met "the one" (we're getting married) and even though I've never said anything to make him feel obligated, he's completely comfortable and open to sharing all information with me, including such things as who just called / texted him and what they said - that's why i can trust him and have stopped feeling a sense of insecurity as in my past relationships.
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candyichiban, thanks for sharing.... that's the questions i ask myself too. i guess the "right one" will not make you feel insecure.... and congrats to you that you have found "the one" who can make you just be you, and free of doubts. good for you...
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I wouldn't do that to anyone, but I would not mind my partner doing that to me. If he is my partner, I shouldn't hide anything from him. And if he thinks he needs to do this, then maybe I have done something to make him feel insecured? Maybe a good time to give him some reassurance?
As for confessing, no. I have often found that confessing only serves to clear one of their feeling of guilt. If he does not know about it, then just stop doing it.
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Wow, memories, I also did that before with my bf of 6 months, found some messages from other girls... asked him who they were and why he had so many and why he was meeting them so often .... he said they were just friends and colleagues .... then promptly dumped me, explaining that he didn't need or want to have to explain who he knew, met or why to the one he had chosen to be with...
In hind sigt, he was absolutely right, I was totally wrong, self centered, insecure and put myslef above what could have been a wonderful relationship... I see him every now and again with his new girlfriend and still tear up a little...
Advice: Grow up bitch, stop thinking your extra special and start being a real person...if you don't you will lose...
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