Is it time to let go

My story is a little long.


I met this man 5 years ago when I was in US. It was a wrong timing for us to meet. He was going through marriage turmoil. He moved out and was contemplating on divorce. What made the decision more difficult was that he has 2 young kids.

I could understand why he was very emotionally unstable. We could have a wonderful time together today and the next day I saw an email from him saying he could not see me any more coz he should give his marriage for another try for kids sake. Breaking up was just that simple to him. But in a few months he came back. It happened over and over again. When he decided to go, I watched him go. It hurt really bad each time but my pride prevented me from begging a man to stay. And when he came back, I was still there.

We continued this on-and-off relationship until that day we went on a short weekend trip. It all went well at the beginning. We went for mountain climbing in the day then got back to our hotel. After shower we sat in bed watching TV and I hugged him saying I love you. But he said, I am not going to tell you what you want to hear. I could never forget that night. After he fell asleep, I stepped out to the parking lot walking round and round the whole night asking myself what I was doing. At that night I decided to cut off this relationship because I can not be with somebody who doesnt love me at all.

We hadn’t seen each other for over a year since then. During that time he called me saying that he filed for divorce. He emailed me on holidays saying hello. I never replied. At year end 2005, my life experienced some big change and I need to come back to China. I did not plan to tell him about my leaving but one month before my flight, he emailed me saying that he just suddenly had this panic that he might never see me again. So I told him I was leaving US for good.

In over a year time we saw each other again. All the old feelings came back and it never changed. I always felt so right in every way when we were together, it still did.

After I get back to China, we kept in contact via messenger and emails now and then. His divorce was final last year. One day he was on messenger and I could sense something in his mind so asked him what was wrong. He said I could have forgotten you easily by now but I just can’t. You show up in my dreams all the time. And I want to tell you that I love you, I have loved you for a long time but was afraid to say so.

It was the first time I heard him tell me this in so long time. However, I don't know whether I really believe it. When I was in US and need help, he was never there. For all the birthdays, valentines and holidays, I was always alone. And since I came back he never called me once. He only kept in touch with me in the cheapest way…messenger, free. I don't know what love really means to him.

But I still haven’t got over him. He has haunted my life for so long. Whenever I go on a date, it always stops at friendship. I just can not be intimate with anybody. I hate this.

I have asked myself so many times, is it time to let go?

I agree, this guy just uses you as an extra, his wife finally got enough of him and you should to. Plenty of fine fish around. And not calling is a definite no-no.

actually he filed for divorce first. In his words, his ex screamed all the time. Anyway I never met her so don't know the true story. But he is a very loving father. I guess he just doesnt love me enough.

Complicating things and asking online-people seems to be standard in here. All what you wrote and experienced does not give you any answer? Please wake up !

You definitely need to move on. Whatever he feels for you is not strong enough for him to make any kind of sacrifice for you - even spending some money and calling you! If you have been haunting his thoughts and dreams like he says, you'd expect him picking up the phone and wanting to hear your voice! Read the writing on the wall. It's very clear. Be kind to yourself and cut all ties and move on.

thanks all...when you love someone, you tend to make excuses for that person for all his "not doing"...but then I realize that actually I am just making excuses for my own disappointment. Yes I have cut off all the possible connections with him. I dont have another five years to waste. Thanks for all your advice.

It sounds like he is emmotinally immature.

He has only thought about himself.

He said it was his family, but it was about him.

Ultimately it will always be about him.


Sorry to say.


Time to move on and move up.


And you are right you will have trouble falling in love for a while. But allow your self these healing relationships.

I think there should be closure in your relationship. If you can't talk amicably without falling for his guises all over again, send him an email. You have to close this chapter in your life and move on.

Change the man, change the phone number, change the mobile, change your email address, and don't open any mail.


You can blosk him as an email sender as well to put yourself away from temptation.


It is hard, but it can be done. Don't waste another 5 years.

tigerbay, I have already blocked him in every way possible. I did not tell him why. I guess he would be wondering. I am feeling so awful. This deep wound in my heart, and the feeling of being stupid for so long, anger, disappointment at both him and myself...all mixed up feelings make me want to burst. And I dont know how to vent it out.

How to let it out.

Scream KTV var is great for this, you get your own room and the music is loud and nobody gives a damn. Cry. Rant to yourself, write it all down in a book, leave it a day, red it again then burn it. Get drunk. Remember the clock never stops ticking. It takes time thats all. And when you are feeling really blue, remember the thing about the clock never stopping.


Stop beating yourself up, and put it down to experience.

I guess I will choose to scream at KTV.

Time to let it go, so easy to say, so hard to do...

rititt, did you see this in featherinwind's original thread?


"When I was in US and need help, he was never there. For all the birthdays, valentines and holidays, I was always alone. And since I came back he never called me once. He only kept in touch with me in the cheapest way…messenger, free."


My question to you would be: Why not?

I am never his top priority. Never was, never now, never will be. He just keeps checking on my availability to make sure somebody outthere wants him no matter what.

I guess it is because when we were together, we just felt so right in every way...I never feel the same with any other person...although selfish and immature, he is a nice man with a good heart, a loving and responsible father, a good friend to many people...and his always coming back to my side makes me feel that he does love me...the way he wrote me always touched my heart...he saved all my emails to him, even the mad ones, he told me that since he is single many women want him now but he only wants one woman that is me...but...sweet as it is, I dont see any action. It is only words, always like that. He is a man of "buts". He only says and thinks but never does.

I felt in love with him at first sight and the feeling has never changed. It is very painful to give up on the dream that we will be together some day. Having met him is the most fortunate thing in my life, yet the most misfortunate...it feels like being cursed

I will always remember what you just said, Justin. Thank you my friend and your words have given me a lot of strength. I will make it through this, I know. Hugs.

Your life is in China now, unless you think of moving back to US or he moves to China. Ask yourself, is it possible ? If not, why not open your feeling to others ? It is definitely the time to let him go now. Dont dwell because of him, he will never be "The One " for you as he is still not good enough.


Start your new life today. Things will get easier if you let yourselves move on.