News Marriage & Relationships

Cross Cultural Relationships

ORIGINAL POST
Posted by Fili 15 yrs ago
Hi,


A while ago I conducted an online open survey about cross cultural relationships. If you're curious about the topic, I would be happy for your thoughts and feedback on some of the quotes from that survey.


So far, 6 posts, starting point :

Misunderstandings – Cross Cultural Relationships #1 - Read More


Latest post so far :

Success factors – Cross Cultural Relationships #6 - Read More


What do you think?

Fili

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COMMENTS
tigerbay 15 yrs ago
I found your website confusing. Especially the first link you posted.


Perhaps if you explain your purpose and context in a home page.


This page Read More was easier to follow as you have written some context at the top of the page. But this is #2 of many. I quote-

"Curious about cross cultural relationships? so am I. At the end of 2008 I conducted an open-survey about cross-cultural relationships, inviting my open and willing blog readers to share their experiences of CCRs. This series of posts highlights some of what the participants shared about their cross cultural relationship experiences."

This was very helpful. Perhaps something like this at the top of the page.


Someone once taught me that words on thier own (without a context) are meaningless.


With some more thought about how to get the message across, this could be an interesting site. Much more than a collection of data.

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rainbow1980 15 yrs ago
Nowadays, i don't think cross-cultural relationship is much different than non-CCR, except for different mother language.


Do not understand the point of raising this topic, from time to time...


For whatever relationships, i can say its tend to be workable to be with the one who are in similar situation like you. ( same age range, same financial stage, same sate of matrimony, i mean both single or both divorced without kids or both divorced with kids.)

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TXcowboy 15 yrs ago
I know I should say that we are all equal and all is going to be peachy, and even though I haven't done western women in YEARS, for marriage or for a serious relationship I think is better to stick to people with your same background.


The reason is simple: If relationships are difficult enough between people of the same cultural background and the same language, imagine throwing in more barriers and complications.

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Fili 15 yrs ago
tigerbay - the post itself includes some links to posts before that, though I agree it is without commentary, I leave it there as it is for people to read and interpret in their own way. I would actually be interested in people's thoughts, like rainbo1980 here.


rainbow1980 - it's interesting that you see CCRs are just the same as other relationships. I would dare say that's very open minded of you.

Though there is selection bias inherent in the non-academic survey - the series of posts suggests that there are those who definitely see CCRs as different while there are those who would see things as you do. Anyways, thanks for sharing that thought.


TXcowboy - where you see barriers and complications, others might see excitement, novelty, and life-long discovery. But I believe your view is that of the majority, especially those who intentionally choose to not engage in such relationships. It's interesting to try and think of what makes a person see the more negative side rather than the positive one and vice-versa.


Thanks for the comments.

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tigerbay 15 yrs ago
OK let me be more direct.


You asked for feedback on the quotes.

To me they seem like a disjointed series of comments. As subh I find it difficult to comment/feedback on what has gone before.


If I was looking for CCR info it would not be in the least bit helpful. If you sorted it out you may get many more responses. People are reluctant to give information unless the canvaser is clear about the purpose. This is why I did not respond when you canvassed comments several months ago.

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tigerbay 15 yrs ago
Apart from my above comments about the Website.


I am inclined to agree with Rainbow1980.


Also, the people with the most to say on CCR may well be those who have not sorted out the CCR thing yet. A bit of a paradox here.

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merm 15 yrs ago
I'm into CCRs. Am too curious to share my life with somebody from a similar background.

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merm 15 yrs ago
I'm into CCRs. Am too curious to share my life with somebody from a similar background.

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Loyd Grossman is Miss Venezuela 15 yrs ago
My girlfriend is from Pyongyang. She and her family get very nervous when I go round their house and make jokes about Kim Jong-il's haircut. I can't understand this as I often say bad things about Gordon Brown and no one in my village seems to care. Not sure if she's the one for me; if only she could lighten up a little.

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sicn 15 yrs ago
LGIMV, maybe they are nervous because they are afraid their neighbors will find out you are married. You will have their duaghter's head cut off if they do.


Well, according to my observation, ppl who can already speak many languages fluently tent to prefer talking in their own language if they can. And some ppl eager to learn a new language like to talk to freinds who are native speakers of that language as much as they can.

Same applies to relationship.

For those global people, I mean living overseas most of their lives, do they still cross any culture if they have relationship with each other?

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dicelady 15 yrs ago
i think men and women are different in thinking , in the point of a Asian woman, sometime can not stand the way of foreigner men, i do not think it is the communication barrier, it is the culture difference.

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tigerbay 15 yrs ago
Dicelady


I never really understood women anyway ;-)

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dicelady 15 yrs ago
Tigerbay


When the men said "no complaint" that mean they do not want to solve or know what the women need.



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rainbow1980 15 yrs ago
well, when women complaint, they usually don't need the solution, they just need hugs and kisses...


If man pay no attention to this and just turn his back to the woman, he lost her trust forever.

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dicelady 15 yrs ago
rainbow1980


yes, this is party of they need but sometime need solutions too!


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rainbow1980 15 yrs ago
If the man doesn't care about this woman, of course it doesn't matter what he do to this woman. But if the man really want to make the relationship work, he need to pay attention to this.

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dicelady 15 yrs ago
Rainbow1980


i really appreciate your sincere reply but it is no great deal now, i found my friend are mean at me! i do not want him ruin my life anymore.


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evildeeds 15 yrs ago
"when women complaint, they usually don't need the solution, they just need hugs and kisses" "he need to pay attention to this"


I'll be very blunt here, this does sound very immature and self absorbed. It always takes 2 to tango and you are not without a mouth or hands. You are always able to initiate as well, this is 2010 not 1910.


I'm also married to a HK woman, to be honest never notice it. We've been together so long the only differences are language abilities and that's it. There certainly aren't any real cultural differences, maybe a couple of traditions but that's not even noticeable and becomes a part of everyday life.


Cultural differences only surface if you want them to. People who only want to live their life in one way will never overcome these.



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rainbow1980 15 yrs ago
I suggested the most efficient and effective way to comfort your woman, of course every one has their won way to live their lives. but life is short, let's keep it simple and easy.

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dicelady 15 yrs ago
evildeeds


i am talking about the intimate(close) and respondence from men (when you like a woman who treat u like this , you will pleasant like a fish in water), if life partners or couples without this type of action from each others, i think the relationship should be like a "roommate"! Hope you can get want i mean at my language abilities !

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PupMonkey 15 yrs ago
I think it's interesting that TXcowboy finds relationships difficult. I think that's more telling about him than about relationships in general.


I am in a mixed race relationship, my fiance is Chinese and I am white. We don't have any problems except the usual: money, spending time together, doing the dishes.


My British friends thought that Chinese people were strange and exotic before they met my fiance, who is just a normal bloke. I think in 2010 it is not opened minded to think mixed race relationships are normal, I think it just IS normal. When I met him, I didn't think he's this Chinese man, I thought here's this really funny man who is gorgeous!


One of my British girlfriends is black and she seems to date white men. Not through any particular preference, just that these are the men she meets.


I don't think its an issue. People who do think it's an issue need to focus on their relationship and have fun, not get hung up on irrelevant differences.

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woods99 15 yrs ago


The most important factor in making a cross-cultural relationship work is to respect your partner, and his/her cultural background.

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homely 15 yrs ago
Cara, congratulations on your 10th wedding anniversary!


I find Western women who marry Chinese men usually work very well as making such a serious decision to chose & leave their own cultures and familiar territories to be with the men they love & respect required courage. The men appreciate this and will therefore work harder for their respective marriages.

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Z 15 yrs ago
I'm going to second cara here -- as long as it is only adults, the CCRs can be fun and invigorating as you discover things you didn't know, but bring kids into the mix and things can become very volatile very quickly. Especially since you are having these discussions in a sleep-deprived state when nobody is at their best.


My parents actually have a mixed-race CCR from back in the days when they were not at all common. They managed quite well, because for the most part they happily ignored my mother's family. I think that it is actually very difficult to blend cultures equally - one is likely to dominate, and I'd even be willing to hypothesize that the dominant culture in the family is most likely to be the dominant culture in the geographic environment [i.e. more Chinese if located on the mainland, regardless of which parent is Chinese; more European if located on the continent, regardless of which parent is non-European]

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Z 15 yrs ago
I'm going to second cara here -- as long as it is only adults, the CCRs can be fun and invigorating as you discover things you didn't know, but bring kids into the mix and things can become very volatile very quickly. Especially since you are having these discussions in a sleep-deprived state when nobody is at their best.


My parents actually have a mixed-race CCR from back in the days when they were not at all common. They managed quite well, because for the most part they happily ignored my mother's family. I think that it is actually very difficult to blend cultures equally - one is likely to dominate, and I'd even be willing to hypothesize that the dominant culture in the family is most likely to be the dominant culture in the geographic environment [i.e. more Chinese if located on the mainland, regardless of which parent is Chinese; more European if located on the continent, regardless of which parent is non-European]

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PupMonkey 15 yrs ago
My fiance's family don't do anything for CNY either. I don't know anything about what you're supposed to do, as far as I know, CNY is just going for dinner! We're back in the UK now and we decorated the house with things his mum sent us.


Honestly, I don't see why CCR are a problem. Maybe I'm just too tolerant and accepting of his culture that it doesn't cause arguments in our relationship. We're both very laid back and happy to just go with the flow. Sometimes we do Chinese things, some times we do British things. Both of our cultures (as if British people have a culture) and both our personalities are expressed in our relationship.


Don't worry... be happy!

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PupMonkey 15 yrs ago
Gosh! So many questions!


We will be getting married in 2 years, so no kids yet. We've been together for 7 years and we did meet in the UK but his mum was ill so one year into our relationship we had to move to Hong Kong. I have been in Hong Kong since 2005 and only recently moved back to the UK for university.


I don't have any white friends in Hong Kong, they're all too arrogant. I lived with his family for a while until we could afford our own place. I speak Cantonese and Mandarin and do everything he does. I've prayed to the ancestors and I've done the shakey shakey at the temple. His culture isn't that much different to mine, if you can say British people have a culture. It's just not an issue. I'm sorry for all you people who want to make it an issue.


The only thing I don't like is that he has to give money to his parents. We've argued about that a bit. I didn't mind when we were living with them but when we moved out I thought it was just silly. They are a lot richer than we are! lol

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Fili 15 yrs ago
The summary of all the posts I wrote about cross-cultural relationships can be found here - Read More


Big thanks to all those who participated and gave feedback. If you have anything else to add to the discussion, please feel free to leave a comment on the blog post.


Fili

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