http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/marriage-relationships/threads/127928/how-to-get-over-him?/
Gosh, it has been over a year since I posted that thread… and I still had not been able to purge my mind of this guy… that is, until the weekend before last. When I suddenly found myself picking up a phone and calling his wife.
I still am not sure on a conscious or logical level where that decision came from. It felt like something in my deep inaccessible mind had finally finished processing things and had come to a conclusion. The response to act was a “Do not pass brain! Do not stop to collect your thoughts!” kind of thing.
There was no dramatics involved. The whole conversation was very civil, with an undertone of surprise and sadness of course. I simply asked was I talking to Mrs. So-and-So and then said that I was very sorry to inform her that her husband had not stayed faithful to her. I briefly explained how I had been involved with him in 2007-2008, that the thing was already over, but that it kept bothering me and finally it had come to that phone call.
She asked why I had not contacted her earlier, when the affair was happening; I could just say that I had tried to think it was not my business at that time, but when time had passed and I still could not get it out of my mind, I had suddenly felt I wanted to make the call. She also asked if I knew they had two kids; I said yes, and mentioned their names.
She then said for the past year she had actually had a feeling that her husband might be involved with someone else. Having heard that, I felt very right that I had called her. At least she would not have to doubt her feeling, or base her life on lies. I emphasized to her that I was sure there was a reason for her suspicions, and even more so now when she knew it had happened before.
Lastly, I did not feel any elation for having busted his cheating a** or having my “revenge”. I just felt sad that yet another wife has to face infidelity and a cheating husband. And, I did and do feel that it is now finally over for me, and I am finally over him.
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Well, I'm glad you feel better. It does take two to cheat you know. Not sure if she'll mention it to her husband; after all what would be the point?
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Hmm, just read that previous post...
Alls I can say is "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"
Shoop!
I hope you do feel better...I mean, you knowingly got into a relationship with a married man, felt good about it all along, but then, surprise, surprise, felt bad when it ended. And now you feel like you have been a hero for telling his wife he is most likely cheating on her with someone other than you.
Am I missing anything? It wasn't even like this dude lied to you, he told you he was married and you still got into it with him...and now you say you are doing this to save the wife from facing infidelity and a cheating husband.
Odd story...
I'm with Loyd, what would be the point of the wife mentioning this to her hubby? She has had suspicions, but she has two kids with this fool, likelihood of her simply saying, whatever, being a little sad about it, but having to just grin and march on, thats more likely.
Hell, its all really a very sad thing...the whole damn story...
Hope the wife can figure out how to get through this...and just for that, I hope you feel better and really are finally over him, coz as I am sure you know, there isn't any further this can go. He's likely to keep doing what he is doing...and if his wife were to leave him, no doubt he would see it as an added bonus. Opportunity central, in his eyes!
Sad...sad story. Such a shame...sigh.
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Oops, repeat submit button pressing.
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well done. at least you satisfied your selfish interests.
whether you have actually helped that family or not, is a completely different matter...
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Marriage comes with responsibility and if a married person chooses to cheat...he/she has to understand that it might be discovered and there might be consequences.
As for Christelita, she now knows that she should never ever get involved with a married man. There is no future there.
As for the wife, she will not grin. She is likely to stay in the marriage, but it will never be the same again for her. And that's what Christelita probably wanted...to feel that she is not the only one who got to suffer over this mess.
When you start a mess...do not expect things to stay neat. I find nothing odd in this story. To me it's yet another sad story of cheating.
Hope that from this point onward Christelita can move on with her life and find a not-married man to build a relationship with.
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Christelita, her husband is no angel but what you did was completely selfish.
You feel hurt, so you want to hurt his wife and children also? You say you feel sad for his wife when you made the call yet you did not feel sad for his wife while you were having sex with him at the time?
I bet you are still hurting because you've written about it. It didn't solve anything for you, did it?
The deed's done so I really hope that this really is a closure for you and you can move on or it would have been such a waste.
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I think that getting involved with a married man puts a woman in an impossible situation as she needs to be holier than God. She needs to understand that the man will not be able to give her enough attention. She needs to be considerate towards his wife and kids. She needs to live the ''secret life''. Some women think they can handle this, but when they fall deeply in love with the man...alas, they can't handle any of this anymore.
So to all women, do yourselves a favour and don't get involved with a married man. I am sure that many will not listen.
By the way, the man was just as selfish, if not more.
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ho com on! this is more like getting your revenge, you just rubbed more salt to a would you had created,, you should have just mind your own business...you knew he was married with kids but you still agreed to go with it, an now you're saying 'at least she wouldnt have to base her life on lies"... she's now feeling the pain you have caused and I bet you feel happy about that, not that fact you have finally moved on, becouse the truth is "U HAVEN'T" I agree with GemmaW. You should be ashamed of yourself at least.
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She agreed to go for a married man. He agreed to cheat on his wife + kids. There were two people involved!
When the relationship ended...the man was left with everything. The wife. The kids. And a memory of a pretty hot affair. Not bad, is it? She was left with nothing, except for apparently a heart broken to pieces. So she thought...why should I be the only one who is suffering because of this mess?
Hey, I am not saying what she did was right, but at least you should understand where it's all coming from. Of course it's a revenge, what else? People get jealous. In psychological terms 'revenge' is referred to as 'transference'. You ease your pain by passing it to another.
And no, I haven’t been in her shoes.
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This act has nothing virtuous about it. A completely selfish gesture.
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My Kong Kong, you got the point there. Described my situation pretty head on. And got me thinking, if by being selfish or whatever you want to call it eases my pain, then don’t I have a right to choose to be selfish? Should I continue to feel miserable so that some woman I don’t even know can continue to live in an ignorant married “bliss” that’s based on lies?
Sorry but I really choose to be selfish and think of myself, not the wife. She’s got to take care of herself and the problems her cheating husband has created for her family. I am going to take care of myself and if there’s something that I find eases my paid then I feel I have the right to do that.
And to you holier-than-thou perfect people out there who apparently never make mistakes and always put other people’s wellbeing first, remember that it took two to dance this tango and while I admit my guilt, I insist the guy was just as or even more guilty. After all, he’s the one who was married yet still chose to cheat wife & kids. I was single and available, choosing to put only my heart at risk of breaking. He risked breaking his whole family.
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At the end of the day, take this as a lesson learnt. When a married man engages in an affair - he takes the risk of losing it all. That's the gamble. Sometimes you get away with it, sometimes you don't. Forget all the sanctimonious clap-trap about the wife and kids - that is what he chose to put on the table, and when the cards got turned over, he lost. Simple as. At least this way she has the option of finding someone who is a worthy husband.
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"I just felt sad that yet another wife has to face infidelity and a cheating husband".
No, it isn't ANOTHER wife, it's the same wife you contact to ease your pain with!
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Christelita. I don't know what rights have to do this with this. It's pretty simple stuff. As a consenting adult you got into a relationship with a married man who never hid the fact he was married. When you didn't get what you wanted, you caused as much destruction as you possibly could. Pretty childish really. No wonder the dignified wife asked you why you didn't contact her earlier. LOL.
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Not just mean, very cruel and selfish. What a cry baby!
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We all make mistakes. However, few of us deliberately set about to compound them. This is what you have done.
My Hong Kong and LGIMV are both right when they say you wanted not just revenge, but as much destruction as you could wring from the situation. I don't think anyone's pain is worth that amount of hurt to the innocent. You didn't hurt him. You hurt his wife and children. Okay, he took the risk too. Was he such a fool as to expect decency from you? I'm sure you promised discretion etc. etc. to get what you (and he too) wanted, and now you blow the atomic bomb.
The way you describe what you did concerns me. You say you did it like some automatic response... ie. picking up the phone on a whim and calmly blowing this woman's life out of the water. I suggest you go to get some therapy. There's a serious disorder at the base of these behaviours.
In fact, I have a problem with this whole escapade and the way you have documented your actions so as to draw a hideous amount of attention to yourself.
Why don't you do something for other people and stop whining and whinging about yourself, and destroying other people's 'happiness' as flawed as it was? We are all trying to make cracked vessels hold water. Patch yourself up, but not at the expense of others. Do go and get someone to help you learn these basics of moral responsibility.
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Didn't read the part 1. But I believe time can heal if a person chooses to forget. What Christelita did was stupid, but not wrong. People are liable for their initial actions, thereafter messy consequences following on. What to blame should be the infidelity itself but not she revealing the truth. Selfish? Who in this world isn't by human nature? Don't we all calculate in facing of difficult choices or dilemma in our own interest?
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If Cristelita did what she did immediately after the man dumped her, i would understand it. But a year later?
Most people get to experience rejection and getting dumped at least once in their life. Some walk away with their dignity intact and try to salvage what self esteem was left and move on with their lives, while some cannot handle it, plot but don't act on it while others go psycho and wreak as much destruction as they possibly can.
I agree with flashback, seek professional help.
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Wow, you really are a nasty piece of work.
Yes, he was wrong as well, but to inflict pain on children (never mind the wife) to make yourself feel better? And then to proclaim and try to justify your actions on a public website?
Agree with flashback & mike204 - your behaviour is not normal ..... but obviously you need to realize this in order to seek the help you clearly need.
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Well done, Christelita. The man deserves the hurt and pain too.
Even if you did get in a relationship with him knowing he is married, by no way does that mean you should sit silently hurting alone because he chose to dump you and go back. He deserves to be hurt. And he put his wife in the line of fire by going out and cheating on her. He is to blame for what you have done. He did not care to protect his family so why should you care to?!
I don't think she has inflicted any direct pain on the kids. Why did the father not think of protecting them?? Why did he go out loving other women?
Hurt is normal. So is revenge. Where in there is the need for professional help?
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Zonked, in no ways are we saying that the father isn't wrong. In fact, he is the biggest idiot in this situation and I am sure that had he posted, he would be attacked and shown no mercy.
However, what we are saying to Christelita is that she had her fair share of wrongdoing in this as well and she should know the consequences. And the reason why we cannot relate to her current action is because she showed no remorse for the wife or children when she had the affair, yet now she feels she's done the right thing by telling the wife? Isn't this pure selfishness on her part? It's like, "I'm hurt so I will hurt everyone as well, but if I can get what I want, it doesn't matter if others are hurt". This is not okay.
And yes, we all want to take revenge on people who have hurt us, but not many of us would carry it out especially when she's just as much at fault as he is.
I disagree that she has inflicted no pain on the kids. I speak as a mother with kids, a role that many people who aren't there do not fully understand. If I was the wife, that very phone call would be the end of my whole future.
I am aware of how many affairs go on (thanks to this forum). However each time it happens doesn't make things okay. It is heartbreaking.
I disagree with what you did, Christelita, but I certainly do not wish you to continue feeling hurt because of what's been said. I'm sure others agree with this as well. I sincerely hope you can let go of the past, learn from it and move on.
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I can't believe some people would sympathize on this one..it's either they do it too or as phsyco as you. yes it takes two to tango but she chose to be selfish, the married man is a jerk and he was clear for that, yet she still chosed to ride on him. We all make mistakes but as for you......read this....
mistake # 1- sleeping with a married man- simply plain dumb and stupid
mistake # 2- calling her wife a year later to tell her- nothing but super "BITCH"
mistake # 3- trying to justify yourself saying "he's the one whose married and cheat on his wife and I was single and blah blah blah
- that just made you a psycho, u need a reality check..people like you will never be happy, bad karma will always follow you, u will never move one, u will always feel hurt...that unless...if you put yourself right and not try to justify.
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GemmaW, you don't need a phone call to destroy your life or that of your kids. A wife knows when the husband is cheating. Yes, she does. Just by choosing to ignore it and not trying to get down deep to find out does not mean she is protecting herself and keeping the family safe. The cracks will show.
I am just saying Christelita did not directly harm the kids....
Of course in any such situation where a parent cheats the kids are harmed the most and for the long term. I most defnintely understand that as I am a mother myself.
But it is the duty of the parents to not put kids in such a situation. Christelita is an outsider; she has been brought in contact because of an erring spouse. All the blame is his. All.
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Christelita, I remember I read your post #1 and I can felt your pain. I am not going to comment on whether what u did this time is right or wrong as we all have our own set of moral belief and opinions. I'd like to give u a small piece of advice though, you really need to "LET GO" you need to release your hate, love or whatever feelings you have for this guy, direct your attention to activities that you enjoy, build a new life, consider this whole mess a lesson learnt, if you keep clinging to the past and consume by your hatred, how are you going to find someone else and enjoy to be loved and be in love. This one mistake in your life has ruined you so much, why did you still let this mistake continue to dominate your mind??
What is done cannot be undone, I sincerely hope u can move forward and start a new life, good luck!!
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Yes, a wife or a partner probably knows her spouse is cheating. It is up to her whether she chooses to confront or ignore it.
However, Christelita's reason for calling the wife still remains a selfish one, and an act out of revenge. Surely this can't be right? And at the end of the day, is she really healed from such action? An act out of revenge is never a good thing. It does not heal a person. What's more important is learning how to let go, forgiving oneself and the guy, then move on.
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Yes, I am – what I did - was selfish, I am not trying to deny that! I am not a saint who always puts other people’s needs ahead of my own. But I am also not a totally selfish bitch who ALWAYS thinks only of herself. I am talking only about this one instance, which however has stretched over a long time already. I don’t think I am mentally disturbed and in need of psychological intervention. Some people make amazing diagnosis based on a few posts on a discussion forum!
I have lost all trust in men though. In addition to the guy I was involved with, I know of four married men who have cheated on their wives. I also know two females who were involved with married men. My social circle is not large, so this number is quite staggering to me. Or then I am socializing with some very strange people indeed…
I don’t think I will ever get into a relationship again. Sure I will miss the companionship, intimacy and all, but I am too disillusioned to be able to trust anyone any more. Good news to you guys there; no need to fear that you’d accidentally be drawn under my psychotic bitchy influence and god knows what kind of horrible twisted revenge!!
These guys, and gals, who cheat, you’d never in a million years believe it when you see them. Respectable people in well paid jobs, never anything dodgy about them that’d hint that they have that another side to them. Their friends would swear hand on bible that these people are not capable of cheating. Yet they are.
Tommyknocker wrote about the wife: “At least this way she has the option of finding someone who is a worthy husband.” Tommyknocker, can you please tell me HOW can a woman ever know for sure that a man is a worthy husband? Like I say above, I personally know people who cheat but nothing shows on the outside. The only way for the spouse to find out is either by catching them in the act, or having someone expose their infidelities to them (like I did).
Lastly, I needed to make that phone call to purge the guy from my system. And this thread is the final step of that purging. I am chewing the last bits of dirt and hurt publicly and getting your varied replies; it’s like after removing the already rotting body of a murder victim from an apartment, and afterwards using different cleaning agents and methods to wash away the blood stains, bodily fluids and brain scatters from the various surfaces. When all is done and the marks of violence have been repaired, it will take long time before the neighborhood forgets. But maybe one day, someone from out of town comes in need of cheap lodgings, and the apartment can be rented out again… or maybe it just stays empty for years, until one night it's destoyed in a freak fire...
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When men (or women) stray there is generally plenty of blame to go around.... in this case there are 3 parties, and we've heard one persons point of view.
Christelita, you want to take the moral high ground in this whole situation, but it seems to me you are no better than those you condemn. I can see you've been hurt, and "will never get into a relationship again"... so, yes you need help, if only for your own happiness. You need to stop blaming others and come to terms with your own actions.
Good Luck.
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So, what kind of help I should get? Recommendations?
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Majority of posters seem to agree that I am a selfish bitch, so what’s wrong in calling a spade a spade then…? Maybe Ed would allow me to change my username to “Selfish SOB f.k.a. Christelita”?
Only My Hong Kong and Zonked showed some understanding and sympathy for my situation, thank you for that. Letting go, like Amparo Kia suggests, unfortunately is as easy to do as it is for a depressed person to “snap out of it”. I suppose however that was what I was trying to do over the past year, but apparently most unsuccessfully. From that subconscious trying probably arose the “automatic response... ie. picking up the phone on a whim” that so worries Flashback – no, the decision to make that call was not done on a whim, only choosing the moment when I did it.
I realize this surely makes me sound even more bitchy and revengeful than ever, but I don’t know how to any better describe the situation and the components over the year that eventually led to it.
As to the wife being wise into the situation already; the phone call was too short for shock to set in, and there was a tone of resignation in her voice. Like she had had her suspicions and I had just confirmed them. The shock, if any, must have only come later. - Should I call her again? After all, she did give me her mobile number when I asked for it.
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sicn
14 yrs ago
I am not trying to be helpful to the poster here. Enough helpful ppl tried and failed on her. She claimed she was not crazy, hello… like she has the ability to tell… If I were the family in this story, I would place a restraining order against her, or simply submarine. (How stupid the husband to even let her know the home phone number!) Have to praise the calm composure of the wife. She probably sensed the caller’s mental state better than the caller herself.
If the story is true, it is an eye-opening for the married guys out there drooling over the smiling available women, believing they are everything your wives aren’t. Maybe they are right; their wives are never so lacking common sense, deceitful, desperate, and destructive.
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This might be too much information, but I am actually seeing a psychiatrist who knows this whole story but the only diagnosis I have is for mild depression which is very stable thanks to medication.
The guy not only gave me their phone number, he actually took me to his home a few times, of course when wife & kids were out. The wife asked if she could meet with me, and I provided my cell number, asking her to do the same.
And for the restraining order, I believe the court would need some kind of proof of actual stalking or harassment, and I doubt one phone call quite qualifies as such.
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Ed
14 yrs ago
Please refrain from insulting or abusive comments (I have deleted one post for this reason...)
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C, one thing about this forum is that we all don't know each other but our screenames. You don't have to feel like you've been hurt publicly because none of us know you in person.
However, you can see this as free advices to help make your situation better.
Sometimes love makes us do stupid things and we really need a reality check and this thread has hopefully given you that to help you move on. Lastly, don't feel that only those who are deeply troubled need counselling. Lots of positive people go for counselling to make themselves a better lover, a better parent, a better employer etc.
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Christelita. Actually, you seem to be getting on okay with the wife. As you're so disgusted with men, maybe a gay relationship is the way to go. It wouldn't be the first time.
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Not sure why all the vitriol aimed at Christeleta - but face facts - the guy abandoned his family by embarking on this affair. When you involve more than one person, you live with the consequences. She is quite within her rights to contact the wife - be honest - what if he had contracted some STD and brought it home - kind of has the same effect.
Simple message is, stay away from married men. They will promise you the world and deliver nothing - then expect to wander back in to their old life until the next time. Why should they? The wife and kids will be far better off out of a relationship like that than sentenced to a lifetime of unhappiness.
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sicn
14 yrs ago
Said what I said, I gave a serious thought on this matter. I think GIMV had hit the nail on the head. Now since everything is on the open, everybody knows about everybody. Maybe it is time to explore some new options. After all, aint you all curious about each other? Why not get together and find out whether you all can get along? Anything is possible! Then why not a happy ending for the three of you? What about the kids, hmmm, as long as the adults are happy, they will be just fine!
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Christelita, you should stop thinking like you're a victim because you are not. You willingly and happily got involved with a married man. His leaving you was expected since he was married, never lied to you about his status. If the man did not leave you, you'd still be happily screwing him without a care for his family. The real victim here is the wife who did you no harm. You say you hate men because they are cheaters.....it's obvious you hate yourself and that is the root of your problem. Men are able to cheat because of women like you who unscrupulously get involved with them.
I hope you realize your problem because only then will you be able to start healing and moving on.
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I am with mike204.
Who out here actually willfully gets into a relationship with a married man or woman?
Raise of hands? Well, it does seem like a lot of OP's friends are in this boat.
The norm, it is not. There is a name for women who know a man is married and still get into a relationship with him...not sure what the word is, but hey, they are made of a different fiber than the average woman who is looking for a single guy only...even a guy in an ltr will not suffice. Single means ready to mingle...married is pretty much, common sense, off limits.
OP needs to quit harping on about "he was married and he still got into it with me" and as another poster said, step up the plate and say out loud "He was married and I still got into it with him!"
*SMH*
Two hands to clap, two to tango, blah blah, what does it matter? Guy dumps girl and girl goes and tries to end his marriage for him so he too can feel as dumped as she does.
No great hero story in it.
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hi Christelita, i actually liked your confession to the wife and to yourself! all u have to do is to move on... we all made our wrong decision in life and hurt ourselves but remember time heals and we should learn from our mistakes and become a better person.. never lost faith and trust to people as there are good n loyal ppl out there for good n loyal ones!!!
im a woman myself and i had my blood n stains in my past, being cheated and cheated, married and divorced, but it will not be any matter anymore until you find the right one for you, the one who has love, with dignity. what u have to do is to make up your mind whether to find that right one!
lastly, in my opinion, cheating men or women are unforgivable, if i'd have a cheating husband i'd rather know the fact so i could make my decision!
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F100
14 yrs ago
Christelita,
Personally, I don't think you are over him even though you think you are.
If you were, I don't think you will be writing this post.
I definitely think you should NOT give the wife a call.
She might have given you her cell number so that she could have yours or else she did so without thinking.
Even though she might has suspected something. I am sure she must be in shock.
Don't you think you've done enough damage?
I am a firm believer in treating others how you would like to be treated.
Please don't think that you are helping the wife.
Cause you are NOT.
Trust me, She doesn't need or want your help.
Like a disease, she needs you OUT of her life.
Before you try to help others, you should first
get yourself sorted out.
Good for you for seeking help from a professional for yourself.
It's a good step forward.
Please leave the wife alone.
You are like cancer to her.
I bet she wants you out of her life FOREVER.
As for the husband he lied to you and used you.
He had no plans on leaving his family for you.
You knew that but I think you were hoping that you were "special".
He dumped you when the pain and grief was greater than the fun he had.
You NEVER were special to him. He just wanted a good lay.
I know that you might think that what I have written is harsh.
But you should have a taste of your own medicine.
It's the TRUTH....and that's what you wanted the wife to know.
As Justin said, it takes two hands to clap.
You are not entirely to blame, the husband is as well.
He shouldn't have set eyes on you in the first place.
Take responsibility for your actions.
Most of all, realize that you've done enough damage and leave the wife alone.
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I will be in the minority here and say that it appears what you did was right for you.
Nobody else here is in your shoes. If it has been bothering you for so long and you are living with your guilt and that is the best way to deal with it then so be it.
If I was that woman I would want to know what was happening. I think we can all
sit around and judge the other woman, but at the end of the day that other woman is not married. I think it is a very different circumstance if both people are married.
Don't forget, a lot of men these days tell women they are separated or about to get a divorce when in fact they actually are very much married and will remain so. Is this the other woman's fault? I don't think so. Men should not lie, and be upfront and honest and there would be less cheating all around.
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F100
14 yrs ago
To agreen,
The point is Christelita has done "what is right for her".
She doesn't think of the potential consequences of her actions.
Most women know, that getting involved with a married person isn't a good idea and will likely result in heartache and grief.
The whole point of her calling the wife was to make herself feel better.
In the end, it's ALL about Christelita.
She doesn't seem to give a crap about anybody else but herself even though she says she does.
She makes up whatever excuses/reason to suit or justify her needs.
Agreen, you mentioned that "nobody else her is in your shoes." That's because there's this unwritten rule that almost every decent woman knows - you should stay away from Married men. Wait till the divorce comes through.
Christelita, is doing the right thing by handling her grief by seeking professional help.
I don't agree with her excuse that "I was really helping the wife by telling her that her husband is a cheater."
She was really seeking revenge.
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Agreen (edited), the point you missed was that the man never misled Christelita. She knew he was married and was going to stay married to his wife. She jumped into a relationship with him despite knowing that.
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Christelita,
I symphatize on your situation and I'm sure a lot of ppl in this forum also feel the same way. No doubt that it is a difficult state to get out of.
So question is, how to get out of the situation?
I think at some level, consciously or unconsciously, you do admit that it was partly your mistake to get involve with the guy in the first place. I think that's why you post your story here (pt. 1 and pt 2), so some posters can blame you for what you got yourself into, and you are punishing yourself that way. You hope that you feel less responsible for it (once you get punished, your mistake "goes away"). But you probably don't feel any better, that's why you still feel distraught about the whole thing. You also called his wife in order to (a) make you feel like you have make amends with yourself, and (b) revenge against him - both also to make you feel better about yourself. I still think that you probably didn't feel that much better after doing those as well..
What I'd suggest you do is own your mistake and forgive yourself first. We all slip, and it is just human. You probably have set a very high standard for yourself and that's probably why you can't forgive yourself. But you are human too and you do make mistakes. The ones who are smart generally make the worst mistake - it's just a double-edged sword.
At the same time, I suggest you also "forgive" him in your mind. The thing about revenge and keeping the hurt is that it will twist you psyche and you will not be able to finally move on. You will be carrying this big bagagge, which is destructive to your future happiness. Unless you want this to happen, I'd say, forgive him as well. He is just human as well... and makes mistakes of course. It's none of your business whether he eventually makes amends or keeps walking on the wrong side of the road. Eventually, he will get his reckoning - not from you though. Let go.
Get a life... go out with your girlfriends, do things you enjoy. Love yourself more. Take up a dancing lessons. Don't be afraid of hurt again - that's the only way you can live and love. After all, we are after love... Make sure you don't make the same mistake though. You know the saying "slap me once, shame on you...etc"
Bit by bit, I do hope you can forgive and forget - and move on like what everyone is saying on this forum. It will for sure take time and at times will be difficult. But it is what's difficult that helps you grow and realize more and more about yourself. Don't be bitter - because you will 100% be unhappy. Keep a positive attitude.
OK, so I can go on and on and on, but if what I think what you feel is right - that's great... if not, that's fine too... hope you find a way to move on in any case.
Good luck!
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Hm quite a few people have still written to this thread since I stopped posting in it. My excorcism must have been successfull, because I have not been thinking of the guy or any of it any more. At one point was musing should I contact the wife again as she had not been in touch with me about meeting face to face, like she initially said she wanted. As soon as that thought had formed I straightforwrdly dismissed it as the only reaction in my mind was "why bother?". I just simply could not care less at this point, and that was what I was aiming for. Clearly a lot of people do not approve, but that also is no concern for me. I did what I had to do for myself, and the other people can do what they have or want or think is right for them. - Mjrelje1, what is YOUR problem? Why ruin a good thread with irrelevant off-topic comment?
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