Posted by
lammasita
19 yrs ago
i think most of my dates have ended up freakishly wierd one way or another!
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Okay, one of the worst was when I was of the tender young age of 19 and was picked up at my work (selling parking spaces in a village carpark- great place to revise though!!) and this confident older man chatted me up and got me to agree to go out with him that night. It's all flooding back to me now..... he turned up in swathes of white linen type floaty material (my mum thought he was something out of the arabian nights) and then proceeded to whisk me off to my local pub!!! Me (being the student at that time) was into pints of beer, he, on the otherhand, was into gentille glasses of white wine.... let's just say the night got worse and in the end I do believe I managed to escape in tact having only to give up a goodnight kiss which I will not share with you as it's almost tea time!!! No wonder my idea of men is warped!!!
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Not freaky, just unpleasant. Kept asking me how many sexual partners I'd had even when I told him I was uncomfortable with answering that. He'd apologise then ask me again 10 mins later.
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Aop, the 'dogs penis' tongue is a remarkable description for those moments when a man will elongate his tongue towards you (thinking they are alluring) to a shiny red point that young dogs do indeed protrude from between their legs when excited. A horrible image but true non-the-less, I too have seen it and I seem to remember being quite vocal about it at the time and probably giving the poor man a massive complex. Perhaps that's why it is not seen often?? If told their tongue looks like a dogs dick they may well stop doing that horrid motion, thus saving many females from ever having to see it for themselves!!
In answer to your questions the guy was 48 years old, wearing jeans and a t-shirt and definitely had the gift of the gab.... do not know why he decided to envelope himself in voluminous pantaloons and a large floaty white shirt. We were in the south of england for gods sake and as I recall it was close to winter!! Freaky man. Oddly enough he was one of those that think tasting the dinner you previously ate direct from your stomach was the way forward in kissing. I seem to remember a lot of gagging....had put it out of my mind for 12 years now... thanks for giving me the opportunity to drag the memory up again!!Literally!!
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tia
19 yrs ago
I met a guy in Osaka once on the pretext of a Japanese - English language exchange. Within 1/2 hour, he asked me to go to a love hotel and that he was married with sons that were MY AGE!
I ran out pretty fast....and he proceeded to ring me non-stop for the next week.
The other day, in the hotmail account, I never use, he sent me a picture of his *ah-hem* private parts.
EEwwwwwwwwwww
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mmm thunder its not so much the shape of it ...its how you stick it out when you go to stick it in a womans mouth! Just dont stick it out before touching her lips with yours otherwise its gunna look like a snake thing and make u look like a prat......heres a little poem for you to help you remember...
when your about, to kiss a girl
dont stick your tongue out, and make it curl
that turns it all pink, and dog bit like
and she's bound to be saying, get on ya bike
we all love a kiss, and a touch of french is great
but the penis engaging pink tongue head, really aint mate
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heres a little story to cheer you up though thunder
me and my new boyfriend of a few weeks were in his front room making out on the sofa, at about 3am, when i heard a car engine going off outside...i then realised that it was my little fiestas car engine....so i jumped up, pulled open the window and yelled 'oooyyyy get off my car' Obviously it was too late and the thief had gone down the road in my car...however it wasnt too late for the clubbers to be returning home to see a woman half naked yelling out off a ground floor window....ooopps
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I had some friends around for dinner one time when i was single, they told me they were bringing another single person. When that someone arrived i could tell he liked me. When i later went to the toilet I could tell her really liked me as he had actually put his bag in my bedroom....a little presumptuous dont you think?
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I dated a weird old fashioned young man, he was 20. We went to a karoke pub on our first date. Guess what he did?
He go to the stage for his song, (it was a love song) sang my name in the lyrics, with extreme action and dance. I wish at that point to dig a hole and hide, I excuse myself to washroom when he return to seat after singing and escape.
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hey don't just blame the men for the dog's penis tongue (which by the way is a freaky way to put it) women do it too tons of times ive been lookin forward to that snog and then as soon as it starts i start wonderin is she tryin to find my cavity ??? the worse for me is that everything starts with a snog the snog has to be good some ppl like feet hands boobs i neeed a decent snog to get me going i just can't understand how some women or men haven't got a clue bout how bad they are at kissin doesn't anyone tell em
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MM good point Raull 'doesnt anyone tell em' eh no i didnt lol...and now im wondering whether im any good....oops. Your right though if the kissing aint good then its downhill all the way. Ive been with men who have slobbered my ears so bad ive wanted to scream 'ahhhh yuk get off' I love the old ear kiss and its a great turn on but when his tongue slips inside and you can feel saliva forming all around its not too sexy anymore. Sorry about the tongue thing though but i got it from that Aop and lammisita ...wasnt my words however the simularities are there!
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hahahaha yehhh had a friend of mine who used to complain that her boylet kept doin that. its surprising that how some ppl don't get it the this one gurl i had to held her face while snoggin and with my most innocent look tell her that i luv it when she follows my lead while snoggin and changed her style of swallowin the whole tongue in me also the ear thing i rather be kissin the ear and then lickin the back of the ear lob rather then slobb the ears hehehehe dorris u n me shud hook up and write a book we'll make millions :D
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You bloody won't! You can't spell for toffee!!!
AND - I didn't start the dog penis thing either!!! hee hee :-D xx
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i had a date with an australian writer. the perfect guy very hunourous very handsome , and quite clever. seemd also not too dysfunctional
we ate together and then we were suppoeds to go on a party together, there i met his friends and a woman who seemd pretty close to him but i didn t really care , i was a bit drunk and he kept kissing me in fron t of her so i wasn t very worried.
I say i m tired , and he takes to his place . guess who was in the cab with us ? the girl..
i made very round eyes but i didnt really dare to ask him what she was doing here.
We gt off the cab and enter to his flat there i see weddings pictures all around the place of him ..and the other girl and he was laughing at me because i was so embarrassed and the girl started to laugh aswell and they asked me if i wanted a 3 sum.. so i took my stuffs said something not very distincly and slam the door behind me. and the girl she opened the window and called me back and said that i didnt have to worry that it was " normal " for them and that she wanted us to have sex. well maybe i m to narrow minded but this was definitly to surrealistic
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lil...that was so out of order mate! They could have at least asked you beforehand..wrong wrong wrong.... :(
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i have some other terribel stories and alcohol , and i paid it really expensive not only in money but in dammage so now its decided i don t drink any any more .... i needed a hard lesson thats all..
but i promised i liked the guy before drinking nd maybe more with 2 or 3 more drinks..and foth for the other posts I WASNT DRUNK i got the result and my drinks have been spyked for sure...
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sober chicks sleeping with losers JC? Well thats simple. They feel so sober that they wanna be bad and do something really f*cking stupid so that they feel more normal. Rather than feel straight and happy the next day they feel depressed cos they slept with some twat...then they got something to moan about, once again reinforcing normality and making their lives much more interesting. Get this scenario....
girl goes out, doesnt drink...meets a bloke who say 'wow your exactly what ive been looking for, wanna come to my house and meet my new puppy he's all alone'
She says 'no sorry i have work tomorrow'
Shit that is so boring....so instead her brain wants to be mad and crazy seems she's so friggin sober she feels bitter and twisted so she says 'hey baby i love puppys, whats his name!'
LOL LOL LOL :) :) we underestimate the feeling of being an old boring spinster...and definiately the lack of alcohol will do that to a girl...so get drinking and stay out of the sack! LOL
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sober chicks sleeping with losers JC? Well thats simple. They feel so sober that they wanna be bad and do something really f*cking stupid so that they feel more normal. Rather than feel straight and happy the next day they feel depressed cos they slept with some twat...then they got something to moan about, once again reinforcing normality and making their lives much more interesting. Get this scenario....
girl goes out, doesnt drink...meets a bloke who say 'wow your exactly what ive been looking for, wanna come to my house and meet my new puppy he's all alone'
She says 'no sorry i have work tomorrow'
Shit that is so boring....so instead her brain wants to be mad and crazy seems she's so friggin sober she feels bitter and twisted so she says 'hey baby i love puppys, whats his name!'
LOL LOL LOL :) :) we underestimate the feeling of being an old boring spinster...and definiately the lack of alcohol will do that to a girl...so get drinking and stay out of the sack! LOL
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another weird date... in france we have this very funny comic book called " les bidochons "
the characters who are both very ugly meet through a " marriage comapany " i don t know how to say. they meet up at the train station and the boy ask the girl to carry something in her hand like somethiong to give water to the plants a kind of cane abd the boy is carrying a huge piece of ham
actually it s like almost the half of the porks leg .. very romantic
and when i was working a got a phone call from this guy i didn t knew i kept calling me almost veryday he said he was seeing me every morniong on my way to work
i was a bit curious about that guy he sounded quite funny and we decided to meet up in front of the louvre because i was working not far away from there
he said he would carry a piece of ham aswell , but i didnt believed him. i m arrive in front of the pyramide and i see this guy with the ham.... he looked nice but this was a bit too much maybe we walked in a park and some dogs started to follow us i was really annoyed because everybody kept looking at us like aliens
but i didn t want to say sorry i dont walk with u because yiur carrying a ham
he took me back to work and all my co workers saw him he insisted to bring me there ... every body made fun of me for about a year and they called me raymonde bidochon the caracter of the comic book who actuallyis the ugliest thing that the world has ever carried
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Met this guy on the net - seemed funny enough - decided I would meet him in a pub with severale xit doors (just in case).
Found that he had no, I mean "NO" control over the volume of his voice!! It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life as I knew the publican and all he could do was give me questioning looks!!
The poor pub had to hear everything he said and so I had to do the evil thing... excuse myself to go to the loo and slip out the back, through the kitchen to my car (luckily I had had the foresight to meet him at the pub in separate cars)!
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hahaha i love this thread...thanks guys and girls some great stories....
lammasita, 'slip out the back'...that reminds me of a great night out with my best buddy.
We had a few drinks and these two guys come sit with us. Neither of us are crazily interested in either of them sexually, but they are a good laugh and so when we leave that pub they come with us to the next. We drink there and all is well til these men start getting letchy....we dance they follow and cant keep their hands off us. I start to get really pissed off, however much i tell him to take his hands off me, he just doesnt wanna listen. So i say im going to the loo. I then signal to my mate...and we run out of that place straight into a taxi. I think she felt a bit bad but I was so relieved to get away from the German with the big forehead and wandering legs, hips, hands and tongue (seriously he would be talking to me one minute and the next that dog tongue was in my ear...oops sorry DT)
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i have nothing to add at this point ...lol
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Met a guy through AX Personals. We text'ed for a few days, then agreed to meet for dinner. Having discussed expat life and jobs [I am one of the ones on the low $ide, he on the very high $ide], he had wanted to pay for everything and I reluctantly agreed.
Had diner at a medium priced Italian place—he ordered one of the most expensive wines although knowing I don't drink. Talk during dinner had no high notes, although there was a little "subtext."
We actually had about 5 consecutive minutes of silent time—not that nice quiet togetherness kind, either.
I excuse myself for the WC and have a few minutes of thought—where is this going? IS this anything here? Come back to the table and he is all paid up, coated up, and standing; we walk out, he sees a taxi and asks me if I want it—I guess he's "not that into me" [either…] so I say yes.
Two minutes after I get into the taxi with the 100RMB he handed me, he texts me:
"So, when do you want to have sex with me?"
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thats brill Kristan...that really made me chuckle! Excellently written and typically stated! ahhhh such romance :) :)
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hehe i should have added that the only slight variation to this was that my date wanted me to pay for his Mc D and then get 'entangled' with me! hehehe...haha i'd forgotten that until you brought it all back and it wasnt more than a couple of months back! Sweet memories...zzz
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age of innocence:
You're my kinda girl. Do you go out with him for beers afterwards? No, don't tell me...just let me live out my fantasy.
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Pink Tulip! How hilarious!
How did it go the rest of the evening?
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Yeh giggling gal gotta agree that pink tulip situation made me giggle ,,,,lol lol
reminds me of one night (slightely off topic) i was out with lammasita in a bar in hong kong, a little tipsy but not too bad...my phone goes off and i answer it
now because its a bit loud in the bar and i feel a bit silly (dunno know..drink i guess) this man is on the other end asking me a whole bunch of questions such as where i am and who i am with. I turn into a 15 year old and answer everything, i know his voice...i sort of think...but i giggle and answer on and on (lol) i then hang up and lammasita says 'who was that!?' i say 'sh*t i dont know, can you call them back and find out!?'...hehe and she did bless her and luckily he was a friend! ooops one of those strange nights when my brain cells had just gone ..completely
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