Posted by
handcream
17 yrs ago
I met a guy couple of months ago by internet and after second time of meeting him I am kind of fancy him, but he started keep the distance and we hadn't keep in touch for a while until about one week ago we started seeing each other again but only for casual hanging out,dining out and going for movies, and i think he's been seeing someone else as he revealed some details during conversation...but still i quite enjoy spend time with him and cannot resist seeing him again so i asked him out sometime, and he seems quite happy and willing to do that. If we go out he usually pays everything.So i don't know what i am getting into as i think he must know that i like him and feel pretty good about it somehow,and he's still seeing someone during weekend,which i honestly don't feel too comfortable about that,maybe i am feeling a bit insecured ...so anyone ever been there knowing whats the best thing to do??
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Ask him!
It's highly likely that he's dating around right now - that's not unusual in some cultures (eg US) or for internet daters. If he's dropped some info in, he's not even trying to hide this from you - he's probably trying to tell you that he's not being exclusive with you and that if you want to date others that's ok too...
You've only had a couple of dates and they sound casual, so keep it light... you have no hold on him... find out if he's seeing others and then decide whether you want to continue the relationship on that basis
btw - re the money - I wouldn't read anything into that - I had a friend many years ago that internet dated - he was smart, successful, handsome & always paid... but often walked away after only one or 2 dates... his rationale was if he paid, he'd always treated the girls nicely, so they couldn't say he'd been a b*****d...
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trix
17 yrs ago
Why allow yourself to be one of the many girls running after this man? If a guy really wants you, trust me, he WILL be after you.
In 1-2 months, you will start another thread on why he can't commit with lots of "he's just not that into you" replies.
This is a tried-and-tested scripts- the only thing that changes is the leading actor/actress.
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I know but its so hard to be so direct to him.
So is there a SMART WAY TO ASK to make me feel less pathetic??
DEFINATELY NOT somthing LIKE -Where are we going? ( I don't even have a stand to ask something like this as we are just friends)
-Or Are you seeing someone else? (Obviously he does and I do too but so far no one impressed me that much as he does).
and I do not like doing such kind of thing to a guy either it makes me feel so cheap about myself.
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We supposed to meet tonite for the movie I like to watch, so shall I just leave it by saying I am sick ????
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trix
17 yrs ago
Of course go out with him!
But the trick about courtship is that you should give a litte, pull back.... give a little, pull back....
Courtship is not a one-way street. If you have to do all the heavy-lifting yourself, forget it, it won't work. The guy's not that interested. Even if you have to make an effort, you also need to guage if he wants you back.
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Have fun. After dating for a month or two, you may find out things which make you incompatible. Maybe he doesn't like children. Maybe he wants to move to Africa next year and you don't. Maybe he has a bad temper. You need time to figure things out. People who get married quickly sometimes get divorced equally as quickly. Take your time. I've been married for 14 yrs. My husband was dating others when we first started dating, but he fell for me because I didn't push him. Eventualy HE asked me if I wanted to be exclusive and I did, so we started to get serious after a few weeks. We were very young though. As an adult, some adults might want to date for a month or more before they decide to be exclusive. If you're not sleeping together, you won't be as vulnerable, so avoid that until he makes you his girlfriend or if he doesn't, you won't have so much to lose if you stop seeing each other.
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A normal courship that is Trix but if the guy is suspected of serial dating then the mind boggles as what to do....pull back,give a little sounds like a Dragon Boat race!
By all means go out with him to the movies and keep it light and friendly and interested.He will make up his mind who he wants to date but be careful.If he is truly out with other women he met on the net and you come across as playing games well you know the answer to that one.
He's got the buffet menu in hand.
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So here I am again, hope you all had a good weekend in this summer time.
It all went well on Fri night and he did everything to make me happy.We just being silly and have fun, except he's distracted by sending some texts in front of me in the restruant and avoid answering some call... Maybe I am asking too much at this point, I supposed to be contented for all the happiness he gave me and I was happy to be with him at that moment. But More, more I feel like wanting more from him, and I think he can sense that too and saying he will see me again soon, But wat is this, is he just doing me a favour to make me happy or hes actually not that contented to be with as I do with him, something missing on me what he's looking for ,thats why he has to see someone major on the weekend, sounds like i am a backup?
Also this time i found he's not that handsome or that Great or even not my type, but somehow i still fall for him, I have a weird feeling that he smells like my Ex-husband (although i never been married), its like someone could be so nice to me never wanting to hurt me but just something wrong there, dunno which bit is missing... So maybe he's doing the right thing that keeping a distance with me before someone better coming into my life...I am wondering now how he will react if i go out with someone else in the future, will he stop seeing me or he will still be the same?
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trix
17 yrs ago
Isn't this all too much too fast? You've met this guy a few times and are even uncertain about him- he's not that handsome, great or even your type. But you already think of him as your ex husband. Why are you emotionally committed to him? Shouldn't you get to know him better before deciding whether you want more from him?
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I think in nearly every single case when someone starts a thread about whether nor not s/he "likes me" it could be answered with NO. Sad but true.
If someone is not calling or emailing to ask us out, they most likely are not interested I'd say. Especially if you've already been dating a bit.
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Because he came across to be like someone i knew before right from the start,someone with whom i have the most serious relationship with before. That's why I have a special feeling toward him at the first place,and I even felt guilty of not trying a bit hard this time, thats why i asked him out,But not everytime I made the first move, and there was a time we lost the contact and i almost forgot about him. And one day he texted me again for watever reason and then it all comes till now... but again I could be so Wrong, people is different and He could be someone else is just my illusion.
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you have nothing to lose if you have not slept with him. Otherwise, you have to learnt and know how to handle him well to keep him.
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Yes thats the point. But I think I am attracted to him more intellectually than physically. Maybe he doesn't want same thing as I do. I had a chance to spend one night with him at his house but I decided to sleep on his sofa that night. And I can tell he lost a bit interest on me after that so I contacted him agian. Its not because that I don't like him, its just he doesn't attract me sexually. I think probably thats the reason we seem always not on the same page although we still like to see each other sometimes, and we do have great time together. The question now is how long can I keep him by not sleeping with him as maybe we don't want the same thing.
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Sorry - am I missing something here? Why on earth would you want to "keep someone" that you're not physically attracted to?
You say this guy reminds you of someone else - did you ever get over this previous guy? Maybe that's something you need to look at?
If you want to be this guy's friend (because he attracts you intellectually not physically) why not just say so? If there's a connection there, he may be relieved to stop playing games and you'll have a great friendship with no pressure, and if not, then you'd best let go..
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you either sleep with him or not to go to his house at all! Do you realise what kind of message you sent to men's psyche if you "sleep on the sofa"?
I think men like women to be direct and confident. Just be yourself.
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Thanks Solo con te, I think maybe you are right. I just cannot put myself together sometimes when i was with him, a bit uptight and logic totally torn apart and playing so dumb like a teenager...
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