advice to help my friend

A close g/friend of mine is in a terrible way at the moment and I am seeking advice from you savvy guys on how I can help her.


She has been battling spinal damage and I can't begin to understand nor describe the pain she has endured. But she has, a proud and honerable woman (nurse, late 50's, work accident).


Her damage was so severe that she was unable to continue working and has spent the past 5 years with doctors/specialists, government bodies & insurance companies for settlements, etc, 5 drawn out years where they basically treat her like a piece of sh** Through some treatments and chewing on serious pain killers, it helps ease her spine so she can walk a little.


The past two month have been extremely difficult for her. She is behaving quite irrational. (understandably so)


She has been displaying utter distain towards any one that dares to ask her simple questions, that being a bank teller, plumber....the list is long.


A few weeks ago she started screaming at one of her mates that was totally uncalled for. Totally lost the plot. A great deal of anger bubbling inside her.


Last friday some 20 of us were at a gathering and she verbally attacked a 13 y/old girl for no real reason. Unfortunately the childs parents were the wrong sort of people and the mother jumped over a table and physically assulted my friend. This woman is a very fit and healthy 40y/old, and knew my friend was a frail (45kg), late 50ish woman with serious spinal damage. It could have ended badly but some guys pulled her off my mate.


So there it is. This is not the woman I have known and been close to for many years. Something has snapped inside her. She is not married, and her parents have passed away. Her daughter lives in the USA which she is hoping to go and see (awaiting permission from her case workers, another story).


I have had gentle talks with her over what happened but she does not acknowledge her own behaivour. Don't get me wrong, what that other woman did to her is abhorrent, no excuses, and I and several others that witnessed it are prepared to support her if she wishes to press charges.


My dear friend, inteligent, honorable, a giver in life, an optimist, is/has become to some extent out of control or seriously confused and angry.


I don't know how to help her. There is no one I can contact (ie her daughter). I sit with her and we chat about this and that but I do not want to distress her further by bringing up a discussion on her anger and why it is exploding like this. Suggesting that perhaps she should seek psychiatric help could end with her telling me to disapear.


I would appreciate any advice you guys could pass on to me.....Regards Wire

PS: We are both in Australia at the moment

Not trying to be funny here but if your friend is suffering severe psychiatric problems then this forum is the last place to be asking. You need to get advice closer to home, not just medical or psychiatric. Contact support groups, search the net - find some networks. There are other people out there who have suffered the same and in many cases have come together.

Thanks for your reply. I do not intend (nor cannot) help her sort her self out, just looking for a way to gently point her to a shrink. It is true however, her behaviour is stressing me out some what. Her kid (in the USA) is probably unaware of what is going on and I would seriously be crossing the line to get in touch with her. So.... a friend I shall be and just do the chat-chat thing.

Have you tried telling her that you are deeply worried for her? You could remind her of your long friendship and the love you have for her and point out that what she's been through would bring most people to their knees - whereas she's remained strong... but that if you were in her position, you'd probably look to get some support and help through what must still be a very emotionally turbulent time -that it's clearly her decision and you can be with her whatever she decides, but you wouldn't be her friend if you didn't tell her how worried you were...


It's a tough one - but if she needs help, then someone has to raise it with her... good luck

Thanks Kate71, think I will do just what you have suggested.