Posted by
Ianthe
14 yrs ago
He's 45. When we first met about 5-6 years ago, it was the classic non-stop, really hot, really good sex. That lasted about 10 months. Then, almost overnight, he had no sexual interest, no sex drive, nada.
Last year (yes, I know it's crazy that I'm still with him, but what can I say; I love him) we had sex a grand total of 7 times, always mediocre.
He's very physically affectionate i.e. hugging, holding hands, cuddling up on sofa or in bed, kissing. But zilch on the sex.
I know men of his age have declining libidos. I just can't understand how he went from hero to zero almost literally overnight. Or why, on the rare occasions we do have sex, it's like he can't be bothered to make love to me (he lies there and I do all the work).
I realise frequency of sex declines among couples who've been together for a long time but.... six or seven times a year?? Is that really normal?
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usual funny input from hklady...aeh sorry wowoooo.
several reasons could expain the above:
- stress (how did his work develop?)
- male menopause
- a significant change in the lover's shape/weight
- a mistress that is doing the milking
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Thanks Cookie09 and Rumdoodle.
He has hypertension but is on daily meds to control it for almost a year now... I had hoped his libido would return once the condition was being properly treated, but no luck.
As for the other factors i.e. stress (who in HK isn't stressed? And as wowowo noted, isn't sex meant to help stress?) and a mistress -- again, also considered. We did have a huge blow-up a few months ago when I found out he'd been regularly seeing an ex-colleague on social occasions with our mutual friends (my warning sirens went off the second I ever saw a photo of her), which he dismissed as "for work reasons", as they are both in the same industry... which made no sense to me as they work for rival companies.
Told him I wasn't going to tell him what to do, that he was free to do as he pleased -- just not on my time i.e. he'd had to leave me first. So far, he's still here.
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reading this posting, I get the impression the sex life declined suddenly after the medication started...it's likely due to the medication. If he was having an affair you'd notice other changes, and the change in frequency would be more gradual, so I'll assume that's not the case.
I would speak with his doctor, ask ask for help.
good luck.
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Wowowo... the point is now we're almost never having sex, so that's not why he's still around, so he must actually love me (and I believe he does).
I just want to know if 6-7 times a year is normal, I guess... and if anyone else can speak from experience (is this likely to change if circumstances change? or will it continue to decline).
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If I make any changes to my appearance it will be because I want to, not because he wants me to. I am not a dog, or a house, or a website. I believe that if you love someone, you love them no matter what they look like or how they might change over the years, and if you get dumped (or you dump him) because of a few wrinkles or grey hairs or extra pounds, then the relationship was a farce all along.
CaptDave: the slump started about 3 and a half years ago (we've been together nearly 5 yrs), meds for hypertension only started 10-12 months ago.
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Wowowo I'm not sure you understand what a relationship is. Of course behaviour modification goes on all the time (e.g. he cuts back drinking/spending excess time with his friends in bars; she stops nagging him and being disrespectful to his mother; etc). We change because we love and respect our partners, NOT because one day he says "you should cut your hair/ go blonde/ wear different clothes/ lose weight or I won't love you anymore" -- because that is always the threat.
If he says "I think you should lose weight because I'm worried about your health, and I think you would feel better physically and about yourself" then that's fine. But if it's because he's trying to re-mould you in another's image, then no way.
Like that mad girl in China who had multiple surgeries to try and look like Jessica Alba, just to please her boyfriend, who dumped her anyway.
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sicn
14 yrs ago
Ask your husband's doctor check his hypertension drug. Some drug has side affect of depression that could cause lower libido. If nothing wrong with your husband physically, then it is normal as long as it is within the scope of your coping. Did you talk to your husband about it yet?
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I don't read wowowo's posts anymore.. just scroll past them.
If it was me, the first thing I'd do is talk to him about it. Call me mental, but if you're really worried about it, instead of guessing or interpreting, wouldn't asking him what's going on be the best? My fella is my best friend, we always talk about things that are bothering us. Communication is the key to a successful relationship.
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Wowowo, I'm sure you mean well, but I find it difficult to understand what you are saying.
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Firstly, I am not a man, so I have no chance in guessing. Secondly, if you can't be direct and genuinely helpful, I would prefer you not to comment at all because otherwise, your comments are useless. Thank you.
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I was reading through the forums here and found one woman in particular kind of bitter in life and when she reply to any post, she wanted to impose her thoughts on people. I think this woman have been hurt so much she is starting to see her bad love expereinces as a norm on every human relationships.
Frankly, yes, most humans wont want to be eating same kind of food; but with love, always comes respect. Its always who the man go back to at night - home - that is always important.
What I learnt in life is, as there always is a basis on everything that leads us to a general conclusion, at the end of the day, things could end in different ways because all situations are different, given the players of each high drama of life has different personalities and characteristics.
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ed, please put an end to this gibberish...
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Ed
14 yrs ago
The End... any further posts will be deleted
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