Posted by
cookie09
16 yrs ago
i think disrespect is the bigger issue than unfaithfulness because it will hurt you every day and diminish your selfconfidence.
you have to sit him down, lay out new ground rules and if he breaks them, leave him
What kind of disrespect specifically - just the unfaithfulness, or are there other things ? is he rude, demeaning in his speech ?, or does he beat you ? or does not give you enough pocket money ?
Marriage is based on mutual trust and expectations. It seems probable each of you have different expectations about right behavior of husband and wife. There is not right and wrong in this, just two points of view. I suggest you talk about your expectations of him, and listen to his expectations for you, and then decide if you want to work thru your differences, or give up.
i am sorry to say but you have to put your foot down with an ultimatum. change or i leave..and then follow through with it.
he seems having got away with it before, or he simply doesnt care. both not good for you
Ahna
16 yrs ago
Get out off that house. As fast as possible. Nobody is blaming you. He didn't turn out to be the man he thought you were. In fact, he's not a man at all. He sounds quite pathetic to me. I second Kenny, respect yourself. Don't be afraid of the shame... you have done nothing wrong.
As long as you continue to accept his behavior AND live with him, he will continue his activities.
If you continue to accept this you lose self-respect.
Holding back on money is a 'control' pattern. Try cooking minimal meals and tell him, if he complains, you require more money.
Maybe it is time to call his bluff and get a divorce (and a health check-up).
read this book Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins
you will understand yourself better
NY6
16 yrs ago
a man's point of view:
leave him and set up your own life!
he's screwing you in all disciplines and seems to enjoy lying to you again and again.
...and i just read "dont be afraid of the shame .." - wtf is the shame for? theres no shame, if theres somebody to take responsibility for this its him and not u.
be strong!
n.
easyl
16 yrs ago
talk to him sincerely for the last time and ask him to stop it, if he doesn't stop it, then leve him while u ahve not had kids yet because when u have kids it may be harder, and also try to know why he cheats, get him to open up sincerely to u,
KennyL
"A lot of this have posted good advice, even the men"
I detect some misandry here. do you want to explain this comment ?
Well, deep down you should ask yourself why he is unfaithful. Does unfaithfulness mean disrespect? It is the God given right for men to be adventurous and it is our instinct. That is why men are called men, not woMen. Your husband still respect you and love you. Otherwise, he will simply leave you for someone younger, sexier and hotter in all aspects imaginable. You should still love him and make him happier. Having a child is bad idea as you lose two years of interest in many positions. That is the quickest way to push him to fool around more.
LEAVE HIM !!!!! He doesn't love you and will NOT change after 3 years of marriage and past affairs.
You have no children with him, so no hesitation, just LEAVE HIM. You deserve to find someone who will care about you and who will be interested in building a family with YOU.
Good luck !
Please support our advertisers:
Hi Stubby, it is a sad story. I agree with many of the comments here, leaving him might be the only option. You will get over him! This bad relationship is bound to leave you very confused and disappointed with men overall!
What seems strange here is that he started to cheat on you sort of 'out-of-the-blue'? You weren't very clear as to when things started to go downhill or when you did find out of his improper behavior...
If you spoke clearly and directly to him, without seeing any improvement on his part, it is time to leave girl and search happiness somewhere else.
Good luck.
Leave this guy, he does not deserve you!
All foreign men in asia cheat, or lie about their cheating.
Vallient
That is ill informed racial stereotyping and is absolute drivel.
i would reformulate that:
Foreign men in asia cheat, or lie about their cheating...to the same percentage like the local men
I would go further in my reformulation as it still implies that the majority of men cheat.
I have been in China for almost 6 years and met many expats during this time.
The vast majority do not not cheat. But then the majority that do not cheat are going home at night so they are invisible in thier faithful activities.
hey my sentence doesn't say that it's a majority ;-)
I think this has gone on long enough. You really do need to face up to the reality, that you made a mistake marrying someone you hardly knew. Was it a free meal ticket? I am starting to see the signs of you being a woman who wants to be the expat wife. Sweetie, you don't have the intelligence nor the smarts to handle a husband like this that is pretty obvious. Grow up and get a life. Get out of the marriage, he only married you for the sex, or perhaps becuase you were holding out at the time till marriage. There are no free meal tickets.... go out and get a job and stop expecting handouts from the world.
Tigerbay
So your saying your one of the men who lies about his cheating, no need to protest "I understand"
Anyway its over when a man cheats it's a decision maybe not a long thought out one, but he made the mental cost bennefit analysis and you lost.
Please support our advertisers:
Oh that life were that black and white.
Ho humm!
"All foreign men in asia cheat, or lie about their cheating."
Interesting leap of judgement, Valient. Where in this thread does it even suggest or identify Stubby's unfaithful husband as a foreign man in Asia?
He's a foreigner, woman are from Venus, men are from the planet where all their fantasy's come true.
stubby, why are you hitting yourself mentally and emotionally? its obvious that there is something in it for you to be with a guy who doesn't love you and wouldnt even bother to hide his infidelity from you. he said marrying you was a mistake (in his email to a friend). so, you are going thru his emails? even when you are married, shouldnt that still be private, and can only be accessed with permission from the owner? now listen to mamma, this man is doing everything in his power to hurt you. why?so you will feel terrible enough about him and the marriage that you would want to leave. give him what he wants: LEAVE!!RIGHT NOW! (oh and dont forget to take at least half of his assets with you. jk)
We seemed to have the same problem....I say WISE DECISION.......!!!!! I would like to meet you.....
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail