Did I make a big fuss?

I just broke up with my bf because he forgot my birthday. We've been together for three years and this year he first forgot our little anniversary and then my b-day. I can safely put that day down to the "one-of-the-worst-days-in-my-life" category; it went from full of hope to listlessness to fear and finally to abject sadness.


I didn't want any fancy gift from him but I certainly did believe he'd at least remember it, as he once said even my cellphone number is "engrained in my soul". The fact is, this b-day thing was completely out of his mind until I had to ask him -- several days later -- "did you really really forget my birthday?"


It seemed that he does remember what date is my b-day but it just didn't occur to him that day had arrived, since his first rely was "it's xxx .. uh oh, what can i say? not much. so sorry." He said he's sh*t with dates and doesn't even remember his own b-day (which is not true -- he threw himself a big 200-people fancy beach-side party). Then he said, "I'm not sure right now what sort of conclusions you are drawing but i fear the worst."


Yes I just can't get over this and I know I won't. He did apologize, but then accused me of "setting him up with a trap" by not reminding him of my b-day (how pathetic -- what's the point of broadcasting one's own b-day) because he's got the feeling that i was "always waiting for him to fail", and finally he said he paid a high price for "forgetting A birthday".


It's not just a birthday. I myself forgot two birthdays this month for which I was expected to say or do something nice. I forgot, in hindsight thought, because I dont' care enough about these two people.


I just can't talk with him anymore. I can't be with someone who treats me poorly. And he didn't even try to do something to make it up for me, as I was stupidly waiting even afterwards.


He's an aussie, if that is of any relevance.

I am just very tempted to say...what a crime and what a punishment....is this such a big deal that you decided to break????? is the love counted on the number of dates he/she rembs? I am sure time for soul searching...may be there is some hidden resentment or grudge that u channeled out through this vent...

Men and women have totally different perspectives on many things. For example, women think anniversaries and birthdays are very important, and men don't.


End of story. If you want to have a good man in your life, try to understand this.


Incidentally, I am a good man, and an Aussie, and I am able to remember our anniversary, and my wife's birthday, but I have retired, so have plenty of time to concentrate on things that are not important to me, but are important to my wife.

May I ask whether you remember his birth day at the right time? And is that his biggest shortcoming? What are YOUR shortcomings, do you happen to know?


To be remembered by someone you care for means you must also leave in him or her memorable impressions.


At this juncture you come across as someone who does seem to have a knack for throwing tantrums - a sure way to be "remembered" for, but is that what you want? A man who toes your line?


I know my wife wants me to remember our wedding day (though it was just a formal registration at the registrar's), but when I remembered something she cared for she reciprocated. My wife now tries to be as generous to me as I am to her...we both are constantly going farther and farther in showing our devotion to each other.


If I failed to remember on the special day, she would not throw a tantrum but gently ask suggestive questions...

Did I make a big fuss? Absolutely. Men are atrocious at remembering dates - I constantly had to remind my ex husband about dates - and no, we didnt separate because of him forgetting my bd! I love my bd and so about a week or so out I know that he would have forgotten and say something like "gee...cant believe Im turning x next week". Then he would twig. But, he ISNT into bd's, doesnt even remember his mother's bd. Suspect that you didnt get the fuss after because you were resentful - I mean, did you wait a whole week to ask him whether he forgot? Were you waiting for some kind of redemption? I suspect you are young - early, mid twenties. This isnt meant to offend - it is just an observation that as one gets older, one learns how to manage other's "short comings" and becomes responsible for assuming responsibilities for what you regard as important. And no, us Aussies dont have poor memories - he is a male and males dont fuss over bd's like us women folk! You could have lost a great guy by this seemingly very immature display on your behalf. Once again, not meaning to offend - but if he is a wonderful partner in all other ways, this oversight was simply that - an oversight. I reckon you'll be stuggling to "get him back" after this precious display. All the best.

I'm with p.mason on this. Grow up.


Men are not mindreaders, nor mystics, nor "the greatest information saving technology of all time".


Next bf you get maybe do the following "I hope you remember when my birthday is, its in a week, so dont you go being like my last bf who I never reminded and he forgot! Pssshhhh I TOTALLY dumped his a** for that!"


I get what he's saying though. If you knew from the early signs that he hadnt mentioned it, if you knew he was gonna forget it...why did you sit around waiting for your fears to be proven right? My father doesnt remember my birthday, ever! Does that make him a lousy Dad? Should I chastise him?


Its just a birthday. If it meant so much to you, you should have done the leg work to make sure the moron didnt forget it was so important to you. How was he to know you would be all eager as christmas morning about your birthday? Right?


Valuable lesson learned: not everything that is important to you is important to others...if you want to show someone else how important something is to you, you need to tell them instead of expecting them to mindread or have memories that matter...Trust me, once you get to your 30's and have been in enough relationships, you'll know that remembering a birthday is the least of your problems! Remember: men, not, mindreaders.


Good luck.


PS - sounds to me like you were hoping for a 200 person beach party, if you were, you should have done what he did and organized one for yourself. :o) I am sure it would have been one of the best days of your life...

I agreed with Justin Credible (Part Deux) - Grow up and organise your own party!


and maybe don't expect too much from a man otherwise you'll have to dump one after one.

How sweet, p.mason!! So thoughful, for a forgetful person!

Dear Bobomao,


Listen to your heart, not the ramblings of a bunch of unsentimental fools. You were absolutely within your rights to feel let down. Having taken so much over his birthdays, you had every right to expect some amount of reciprocation. While the door was seemingly closed firmly on any chance of a reconciliation, rest assured the man in question loves you dearly and knows he stuffed up big time. He's just a stupid male who had too much on his plate. Unacceptable but true.


Mr Fu

Both Bobomao and Mr Fu apear to be asians and apear to be on the same side.


The rest of us are westerners, and apear to believe that Bobomao is being unreasonalbe.


Perhaps this is just another example of the world being 'black and white' to some people. So if it is not white, it must be black.



BOBOMAO

If you are going to date non-chinese you are going to have to accept that cultural values are different. And if your behaviour is normal for a Chinese girl, then be aware that such behaviour would be seen as very childish and selfish by many westerners.

Agree with tigerbay this sort of reaction would very much be considered childish and immature by westerners.

It's ok to feel dissapointed that he forgot your birthday but to end your relationship because of it shows that he wasn't that important too you and perhaps your not too him and it is best all round.

Hi Moppet,


I see this kind of behaviour a lot in Shanghai, it is ultimatum followed by spitting out the dummy.

See it on the street, see it on TV.


Can be very funny to watch from a little distance. It is almost choreographed and so are the conditioned responses. Great people watching treat ;-)

I am disgusted with all of the people here(especially the male genders) who is trying to defend themselves from their ignorance. Just accept the facts that forgetting someone's birthday means that that person is not that important, or not special. If a man is really in love with a woman, they are on a date, not yet on a relationship, then this woman is having her birthday, wow---the man will become super nice, come with a bunch of flowers, with presents and stuff just to impress the woman. Why? because he is so deeply in love with her and he thinks that she is special. or he wanted to have something with her, maybe a relationship. I didnt say sex. I said relationship. All my life, i have been living in this world for 27 years and tomorrow is my birthday. Whenever times that i have a boyfriend, my bf has never ever ever forgotten my birthday. Who says man are bad with dates? That is just a stupid lame excuse. How come they remember national holidays where they are not supposed to work and can stay at home and wake up at 11 am? How come they remember meetings on xdate xmonth xyear xtime? Because it is important to them and they think that day is special! some Man is a very egoistic person. They tend to overlook 'small matters'. They think that birthday is not so important, according to them. Or other things that they think is not important, then they dont want to spend time on it, and when woman is making a 'fuss' about it, then man will start saying that we complain a lot. But i think, it is better if the man learns to respect the woman a little bit. The gf celebrates the bf's birthday, so why dont the bf learns how to respect the woman and celebrates her bday too? In bobomao's case, it shows clearly how ignorant her bf is, because he is celebrating his party inviting 200 people! While he didnt give ash*t about bobo's bday. Its true, bobo, he doesnt really cares about u. I wont bother to come to someone's bday party if i think that person is not so important to me. Accept the facts people and ask yourself! Isnt that true?


But if that person is someone who is very special and marked next to your heart. You will remember his or her bday and even weeks before that you are waiting for it or even get a present ready on your hands!


You leaving him is good, bobo. It is not because he is australian, it doesnt have any effects where he came from. But he is just simply ignorant.

RINZ, some people just don't feel the same way. I almost forgot my husband's birthday this year. Does that mean I don't love him, that he's not important or special to me?


Of course not. It means birthdays are not such a big deal to some people, especially adults' birthdays.


I always remember my nephews birthdays because presents are exciting for kids. My husband is quite capable of buying whatever he wants for himself.


I think the fact that bobo's boyfriend is Australia does matter as it appears Westerners feel differently about birthdays than Chinese people.

yes, you made a big fuss...but maybe because you felt neglected even before the b'day incident.


I never rely on my friends remembering my b'day. I tell them a week before ...so they have time to buy a card or a little present. When i was in a relationship i used to inform my boyfriend in advance, so that we could make plans for the evening.


Most people have better things to do than keeping a list of all their friends' important dates.

Facebook helps, but not everybody is on it.

Oh my gosh, if my husband broke up with me for the number of times I've forgotten his birthday and our anniversaries I would consider him a pathetic creature indeed! If that is what really only mattered to him I'd think he had no appreciation for the daily blessings I bring to his life.

I'm not a sentimental person at all and he is much more than me but honestly even he forgot our anniversary this year as we were both so busy over that period.

We just celebrate another day and don't sulk about things like dates on the calendar.

all in all, i think its juz a small issue for u to get pissed off abt. Most importantly he loves u. Remembering ur bday doesnt mean he loves u, so which wld u prefer in a guy, good memory or love u with all his heart?


To some tat says Asians are like tat, its not true, am asian and i dun think like tat. Bt i do agree tat asian girls tend to create problem out of nothing, tis is frm experience.