This is really very hard to explain. I have a boyfriend who live in another city. We keep in touch on daily base more than 3 times for about two years. It was good yet now things changed. He is a man very suspicious and testy. and always try to control me 24 hours per day via phone or message or internet. And I don't have private life other than him all the last two years.
I haven an skype account which I kept for work use for many years. he is in my list but he never authorise me. One day he found me was there actually I did nothing just keep it on and he got upset. He asked me to give him my password and I did. As it's a very long time account thus I do have a long list but I don't know most of them other than the colleagues.Sometimes some nasty guy sent dirty message but I never replied or responed. Yet when he was in the account he got upset as he got some nasty message from whom I truly don't know. He got very upset and he pretended to be me and induce them to talk dirty and then he tooke it for granted that I was addicted to talk dirty there but I swear I never did. He force me to give all the passwords to my emails. msn and he talked to those whom I deleted. and then he sent emails around to my friend. known and unknown to ask if I have involved with them and forced me to admit that I did wrong. Actualy he found out those who sent dirty messages didn't know me at all but he didn't believe. He is very changeable . and always change on half day base from to continue or to not. and then he threated to send the picture of chatting which he did and the stranges under my name to everyone in the list including my shared email account with all the other colleagues at the office.
This lasted for about 1 month. 6 hours after he threated to publish all the screenshots he made he message me that he still wants to continue if only I give him all the passwords to all the acounts public and personal.
I am very sad and I once wanted to end but I am hesitated. I do still like him but I can not really bear his behavier.He is not young in any sense but too immature and insecure.
What should I do? Could you please give some advice. Thank you very much
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Don't u think he is too much for a control freak?
He got no proof and he is just obsessive and possessive, and you are submissive to his unreasonable demands.
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I think so. it's very sad.
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ozbbq
16 yrs ago
Dear, a person who truly love you will never do anything to harm you. in this case this man is not only controlling you, he is actually abusing you in an extend.
I would not advice people for their relationship, but in this case you need to get out before too late. coz he already have the access of you personal and work email. It will certainly harm your representation in work and personal life.
Dear, send a email to all you contacts now to tell them there's a hacker who hacked into you emailing system NOW, than change your password. after that, leave this man and give yourself a life than you deserve.
Do tell your family or a few friends that you can trust to keep an eye on you.
Walk now and get back your life. if you still have a doubt about all this, ask yourself. Will you do what he did to you if you truly care about him. If your answer is no, you walk. if your answer is yes..... than stay.
Good luck
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Dear confused1234,
the answer to your prob is in your screen name...no need to be "confused" anymore..its as easy as 1-2-3-4 !! really...its good that you still like him, but you said it yourself..he's soo immature, and if he really loved you, he wld trust you..even after finding out that the nasty messages were from someone you didnt know. So, wot else do you need to do to prove to him that you're innocent? It cld go on for years. So, best to put a stop to it.
Like the reader above said, change all of your passwords, and move on with your life. Tell him its over, and that he was too immature for you. Thank him for his time, and care and love. But that you dont need someone in your life to control you. And then you move on. He sounds like a drama queen..and theres so much stress in your life, that you dont need this added to it. Really..who does he think he is. Kick him to the curb...you need someone stronger who will look after you and encourage you...not to control or baby you.
Good luck
Best of luck. And, SMILE :-)
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hi, ozbbq &jon_99 ,
Thank you for your kind advice. Yes I think it's time to move on . Yet as it's feeling evolved it's easy to say and hard to do. He wrote me saying that he would not do that anymore. he now behaves better but I am not sure how long will it last.
Actually I don't have many contacts.and if I put an end in this and I will be very sad for long time for sure too.
Do you think it's possible to keep him as a friend only? He still writes and message s, in a more polite way. I hasn't responded to him yet .
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bin the bum and move on love. or do u really want to live under an insecure bullying tyrant like him??????
lifes too short for that sort of life.
but its ur choice1
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ditch him quick. and change all your passwords NOW!
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I did. he left but still message from time to time. I feel sad. very.
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he sounds like a nutcase
move on
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sicn
15 yrs ago
Long Distance Relationship+Skype(messenger, AOL, MSN...)+passwords+on-line chatting+messeging...
is the recipe for disastrerous relationship.
Most of the time readers only hear one side of the stories.
From the perspective of your boyfriend, how much chance that his suspecion could be real? Or turn the table around, do you have any doubt that he has been completely faithful to you?
I guess it all boil down to how much room in a healthy relationship to allow each other to "breathe" a little?
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To sicn,
I never doublt him. I still belive that long distance relationship is as true as all the other ones. if only there is feeling involved. it's nothing about distance. Yet he just wrote me today saying that he is currently seeing someone else who is local to him and he see potential and he wants to pursue it. You know it's aching. I did truly love him though he hurted me too much.I saw him in person. not only a shadow .Nothing hurt that that someone you thought would never change tell you that he is seeing someone else.So it's over. you are right.
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sicn
15 yrs ago
I didn't know it was over.
I hope your heart healed.
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Once a 'controller' has dominated a person it usually only gets worse. Marry hm and he would most likely control even your bank accounts, credit cards, etc.
I have a friend who is married to a millionaire and he tries the same tricks on her, so don't think it is limited to certain 'classes' or types.
Basically, in demanding your Skype password, he is saying he doesn't trust you or. he is insecure. And likely manipulative!
Change your Skype password, Block people who pass unwanted messages (right click on name and select block)'; Under TOOLS >> OPTIONS >> PRIVACY select ALLOW CALLS FROM 'only people in my contact list' *ALSO* ALLOW CHATS FROM 'only people in my contact list' *ALSO* DESELECT allow my status to be shown on the web *ALSO* SHOW PEOPLE I HAVE VIDEO to no one.
And AFTER changing your PASSWORD you will have at least gained some semblance of control of YOUR life.
You don't need anyone that much, go let him find a 'puppet' elsewhere.
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ovi
15 yrs ago
Dear confused,
Think this as the best..at least you dont have to make decision about your relationship.
It's hurt .I know. I just expereince the same things a week ago. Long distance relationship and I beleive in it until he said he is seeing someone else.
But I beleive time will heal...just give time ....the time..
Best of wishes
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Confused
You need to move on.
I have had freinds with boyfriends like this, it gets worse and is very destructive.
If you were not in a long distance relationship (LDR), it would probably be worse.
His behaviour is not a symptom of the LDR, his is just a possesive jealous type. And often they can get nasty. Occassionally violent.
Move on.
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