Posted by
Sesame
11 yrs ago
Last Dec I met a wonderful guy. We hit it off right away and we decided to give it a go despite the geographical distance (he is based in the UK and me in HK). Since he is a pilot so we got to see each other on a regular basis. I have also spent time with him in his French home in May. All was well until end Sept, I lost contact of him all of a sudden.
For the past 10 months, we stayed in touch via whatsapp, skype and email nearly everyday. He had never been out of touch for more than 3 days. He always let me know where he was. It is so out of character of him to just disappear like that!
I have tried to call, SMS, skype and whatsapp. I could not get in touch with him. It has been almost 3 weeks now. Horrible thoughts creep up at the back of my mind. He might had an accident or fallen seriously sick.
Unfortunately we do not have any mutual friend. I just did something brusque - I found her daughter on Facebook and I sent her a message. I know it sounds crazy and intrusive but I do not really have any other way to find out what had happened. All I need to know is if he is okay.
What can I do? Can I call his airline he works for? Will they tell me anything? I can only pray for him and wait now:(
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People won't disappear like that. We were talking about taking the next step - how we can progress our relationship further. And we always speak our mind. There are a millions reasons he can come up with if he wants a breakup. And he does not need to "run away". It is so very out of character of him! Yes we do share details about family. However I have not yet met his family and I do not have their numbers. My fault of not asking!
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I am really sorry to say this, but I am guessing his wife found out, and he promised her to break off contact with you, which he is now doing.
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Thank you very much! No, he was divorced 5 years ago. The fact that we could talk over the phone any time of the day IS one evidence he is alone. We pretty much know each other's daily routines. Even if your guess was right, he could have made up an excuse to break up without spilling the truth. Disappearing like that will only make me do whatever I can to track him down. He clearly know I am not a clingy woman. So this would be totally unnecessary. And it is out of his character! Honestly I am not worrying about our relationship. I am worrying about him! I just need to know if he is safe and okay.
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Divorced for 5 years. We are seeing each other exclusively. Not imagined by me! Well would he lie? I dunno! I am just analysing based on facts and his character. That was why I am worried sick! Now the most important thing is to know he is alright. Everything else is secondary now:-(!
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Thank you Malka. I have both of his Uk and French addresses. His real name and his daughter's. I am here to ask for advice is there any other way I can track him down; not here to ask for opinion on my relationship. I guess everyone is different when it comes to when they think they should introduce their bf/gf to family and friends. Mine is a LDR! But thanks anyway! I am having some Brit friend to go over to his place next week.
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Have you contacted the British consulate? They would know if he has been admitted to hospital etc.
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Can I? Thank you Auspropertyowner! I will do that. Thanks!
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I am so glad I was wrong about his relationship status.
If you have his address, and friends in the UK who can help, then sending someone to visit his address is a great idea. They can ask neighbours, and look for signs such as a dusty car and piled up mail, perhaps they can file a missing persons report with the police ?
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Ah CaptDave, thanks! But I only have his addresses. We do not have mutual friends:-(. I am enlisting the help of my Brit friends to try to locate him. So you might not be wrong! I just feel that it is highly unlikely. I am always brutally honest with myself and day one I asked him to be brutally honest with me too! Realizing the difficulties of long distance relationship before making the leap; we promised each other to be open and honest. So he did not need to lie really. Or if he had lied in the first place, had a wife or something; and he did not want to look bad, he could come up with whatever excuse. No need to flee at all. That is my logic!
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"I am having some Brit friend to go over to his place next week.": ask your brit friend to check. also his daughter would have contacted you if something bad had happened to her father (depends on how you asked).
but my opinion is that he dumped you or something prevented him to contact you, a higher probability than his death or accident.
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yep he might dump you. yes unexpected. he can go back to his ex. indeed. a divorced couple can be happily re-married. dating a divorced man is highly risk
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Molly
11 yrs ago
So at the start of your post you met "a wonderful guy" then you "found her daughter on facebook" and messaged her - now you want to dob him/her in it at work ..... Darling you were a fling and even if there was a reason why he/she had not contacted you messaging his/her daughter was wrong on so many levels. Pray for yourself and not him/her
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OP, I understand your frustration but, please never ever contact his daughter via FB again.
If you respect him as a partner, you could have considered if he has told his relationship with you to his most important thing.. Believe it or not, it is a big step in a relationship to disclose that a child that either parent is in a relationship.
If he had been in an accident or worse, you would have heard by now no matter how much mutual contact you had. He has reasons not contacting you, if you love him, let him go and see how it goes.
In the mean time, fulfil your life with something else. Worrying will give you worry lines that cannot be backdated except for Botox.
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since you have been whatsapp-ing each other often before, you should be able to check if he has been on line or when was his last seen date... unless he changed his phone number too, or blocked you.. in that case, you know he is safe but just want to get out of the relationship. Did the daughter get back to you?? If not, then he is perfectly safe, healthy and kicking….
I had a more or less same experience with you and …. is also a pilot too... (haha)...
OP, it doesn't matter what kind of women they are involved with, some men are just born coward and couldn’t face the music bravely… you just have to accept that… if he wants out, he is out, if he really is playing the disappearing act, you don’t want to end up with this kind of character anyway… you’ll be angry at first, then sad and eventually, realize it is after all, maybe is for the best. . everything happens for a reason and remember worst people give you a lesson…try to cheer up and move on…
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Sesame, ignore the sceptics
remember, never let the truth get in the way of your perceptions!
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WWcC
11 yrs ago
Wow, I cannot believe all these nasty replies here!
I had a friend in the Uk who was just that 'a friend' - i have known him about 20 years. He was about 15 years older than me and I think initially he did fancy me but I never did him and told him so. However each time I went to London, we hung out and had lunch / dinner etc. He told me about his wife and daughter and I think he just liked my company and I his. Then he disappeared. I never had any contacts of his wife or family as never really thought I would need it. Then I sent him emails and never heard much until approx 2 yrs later he told me he moved to US, lost a lot of money in property and was staying with his sister and was pretty stressed out. Then we were in touch for a couple of years and then again nothing. Its been at least 5 years now and I often wonder where he is or how he is. I know years ago he had cancer and got cured. I often wondered if he got it again and passed away. This is sad as I did enjoy talking to him and catching up when in London but I often think about him and hope to get an email from him.
This lady's was in a relationship with this man, unlike my story, but the replies here are so harsh. Maybe they did have a great relationship, we won't know only she will - stop assuming it was this or that. Something more serious could have happened to him hence no reply. I think you should try to find out via your Brit friend, after all if he was cheating you'll know for sure but he / his family will be thankful if you find he is in some kind of trouble. I think you can call his work and just ask if you can speak to him or leave a message for him to call you back and ask when is he expected back. If they said next week for example, you will know he is 'expected' back and then can make judgements.
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sesame, hope everything is fine with you.
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