Posted by
bettinayan
18 yrs ago
I've been with my BF for 6 yrs. things are going fine and he moved in with me at the beginning to this yr. At first, things were cool coz could see each other daily. BUt things started to get worse... He's the aggressive type. I've always knew. After the first 2 mths, he started to get more and more aggressive. everything i ask/say either dun bother to answer or just say"yeah", "whatever" etc. I just let him. Until 2 nite ago, he told me he noticed this problem and it's getting worse. He knows what the problem is and mostly because of him. HE said it's not my fault and that the relationship is starting to fall. He suggested to move out and have a break. Should I let him. We (esp me) are scared that if he does moves out then it's the end. I dun want this to happen and end our 6 yrs together. but i'm starting to get tired. tired of the way this relationship is going. i dunno if i should just let it go or keep holding on.... i know i want to keep going but i dunno if i can
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If you don't know if you can keep on going...then why make yourself suffer?
If he doesn't take a break...do you really think it will get any better?!?!?
Let's be realistic...it has a better chance of getting better with a little separation than it does in it's present state.
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shaq
18 yrs ago
Three words; 'WORK IT OUT' with your bf for that's all part of a great relationship in the future.
You can fix things if you put your mind to it and put a positive spin on the whole thing. Remember, BAD experiences are not to impair us, but to improve us. Cheers, my dear!!!
ShaQ
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HI shaq. Thanks. I'm trying to thing how to work things out with him.
He proposed last july (our 5th anni), then moved in with me around feb this yr. I told him if he still wants to marry then we gotta sort this problem out. How can we continue? But after 2 days, we havent really done much. went out for dinner last nite, not like it used to be, but a touch better than before he bought up the problem. i guess we are trying to avoid it and get over it. but i kow it's not good, coz the prb is still there. He will go for business trip after next wk. i hope during the time he is away, we can be alone and think.coz it's pretty hard now since we live together (studio apartment, no room. just bathroom and bed/lounge/kitchen together.) so i dunno what to do at home, with a small environment like this.
Thanks for your suggestions too A4XGR & after_e1even.
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He's an aggressive type? And he's becoming more aggressive?
Do you understand what you are saying?
You want to save the relationship because you put six years into it. He's getting more aggressive but that's OK because you love him and you put six years into the relationship and you're afraid you'll be all alone.
When will the six years not seem that important? After the first slap? The first punch? The first broken rib? The first visit to the Emergency Room?
I have seen too many relationships begin to break down with small acts of either physical or emotional abuse. And I have seen how they end.
You seem more afraid of the uncertainty of a tomorrow alone than of the "security" of being in an abusive relationship.
From my previous knowledge, your response to my post is likely to be defence of him and an attempt to justify his actions. Yes, but... ?
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If you both want to work this out but don't have a clue how, you may want to consider counseling. Maybe he's having pre-marriage anxiety since he's proposed. It's a big change in life. Hopefully counseling can clarify some things for you two.
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funcgkw. i dun think it's pre-marriage anxiety. Before we came back to HK, he shared house with many different people. All started well, but towards then end, somehow he always dun like the other person. He said he can't live with other people, he needs alot of private space. The same prb is happening now. He said he can't live with other people (that's me now), but yet he proposed last yr. i really dunno wat he wants. marriage needs to be together, living together. but if he can't then how can we get marry?? I tried to talk with him during the wkend, but he said he needs time to think. He also told me to calm down and let him think. He doesn't want to talk about it until he actually knows wat to do. I guess these few days i just have to leave him be. and pretend nothing is happening @ home.......
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momo8. Thanks. i know the where the root of the prb is. but personally, i really dunno how to act. each time i wanna talk/ask him something related to this prb. I just can't control my emotion, tears starts to roll down before i can start talking. i end up not saying anything. I know he will not physically abuse me though. It's just the way be acts and the bad moods. He knows how i feel, coz about 2mths ago, i told him he had a prb, but then he didnt think so till now. I'm not going to let this just go. I'll def have to solve the prb together.
Anyone can suggest how to hold your emotion? coz i really wanna talk with him, but the emotion thing is always in the way..... i've always been the easy crying type
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momo8. Thanks for your message. I really need someone to support behind me and just share to. He will go on Business trip next wk, mon-fri, i guess this will be a good time for us to think and quiet down by ourselves (without him moving yet). Maybe then we know what each other wants & think.
This is the worst time to celebrate my birthday... ~sign~
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