Cheating 101 times

This is what recently happened around me..


A couple being together for over 7 years, living together in HK. 3 years ago, her bf started to travel Shanghai a lot, and later on relocated there. During the first 2 years, she found he has several other gf there, and kept on forgiving him after a lot of his explaination.


Her bf later moved to another city near Shanghai, to set up a company there, and only came back 3-4 days a month. She again found that he has another woman there, and this time is totally different, this woman found her mobile phone no. and called her..saying blah blah blah..she couldn't stand for this and argue again with her bf. He told her that because she is not around, he feels so bored, and he does not really love that woman.


After that she requested her company to transfer her to Shanghai, with much lower salary and prospect, just to save this relationship. She has no friend, no family there, and totally rely on her bf in this new environment. It's been approved, she moved. Her bf promised that he will end up with that woman. However,..once she arrived,..horrible experience comes.


After settling down there for 2 weeks, that woman sms her that her bf is her HUSBAND! They are now living together. She clarified this with her bf,..he didn't give her a clear answer of what's going on...and after that,...that woman keeps on calling her and being very nasty over the phone, and sending dirty messages to her. She asked her bf to stop her and he couldn't,...even said these are only words,...no harm..."She never be that nasty to me,...so I don't think she did to you.." She goes mad..


The worst is,..that woman called her company, saying that she has an affair with her husband!!!! This seriously damge her reputation and destroy her career at all...


Very sad...this is totally unfair for her..what can she do..

Oh my.. I am really sorry to read about this case. I dont know why some women can go through such lengths to save a relationship with a man who evidently doesnt care enough for her. I've heard about some HK acquaintances of mine who do the same, to the extent of moving to china to provide around the clock surveillance on their boyfriends (not husbands, mind you) who have repeatedly cheated on them with local women. I am not sure if I must salute the selfless love, and lack of ego or pride in this case, or does it mean the woman lack self esteem and confidence that anyone else would love her as much as she thinks this man who cheated on her does/did in the past?


In this case, its gone too far. If you're still thinking of saving the relationship, no matter what, think of this man as a brainwashed kid who joined a cult and you need to get him out of Shanghai.


But would you even want to do that? Havent you done enough? Would he even appreciate it?


Would it be the last time?

I would perfer to ask that women to meet up and show any offical document to proof they are married. If she can't show, mean she lie.

no...they are not married...Chinese woman loves calling their boyfriend who has wife / girlfriend in HK "husband".


They have just been together less than 1 year, ...and the guy,...is not that type of man who is willing to get officially married.

What's more to say??That man is a serial cheater!

NO point to stay with him at all.

She can come back to hk and lead a new life with a new job.

if they are not married, I think the guy should talk to that woman and ask her not to bother your friends anymore.

Based on your description and recolection of details, it would appear this has happened to you. If this is the case then my utmost condolences.


As far as handling the problem, I would dump the SOB and get on with your life. I know this is easier said than done, but it is obvious this guy is a creep and in a way he has done you a favor. Just think if you had married him and had children. Count your blessings and move on!

yes...luckily they are not married and have kids,..or it would be the worst....Tidings is right,..she is very independent and more than able to live by her own. She never relies on this man ever, but just too kind to keep this relationship...


Too kind = everything can be unfair to her??

Forgive and forget...a limit shall be set

I am so sad to hear that...but as you said they have been living together for 3 years and still no commitment for having a family together...I think this guy is wasting her time...and sorry to say that he is a coward...She deserves a better man...

it's 8 years

Oh come on! He had an afair over and over and over! She shouldn't have forgiven him, and THEN she shouldn't have moved to Shanghai for him.


What did she expect would happen? If my husband (if I had one) moved his girlfriend from Hong Kong to Shanghai, I'd probably call her and say horrible things too! As far as the SH woman knows, the HK girl is the mistress and not the other way round.


However, that doesn't help with what she should do now. She should go back to Hong Kong, leave the cheating scum bag and get on with her own life!

angelinashum - sorry! my typo


8 years...


I think he just wants to keep her as one of his gf collection...It's hard for him to make a decision, cos I bet she is a completely loveable lady...True, it's not fair...If he doesn't want to go further...well she has the answer...

I just don't understand why anyone would forgive a guy who cheats on them multiple times!


Ok, so she found out about one woman in China, and she forgave him... why on earth would you forgive him the second, third, forth time? Surely there's alarm bells ringing in your head at this point? If a guy shows you so little regard and enough disrespect, wouldn't you just leave him? Wouldn't moving away and leaving all your friends and family and career to be with him just not even enter your mind?!


Does OP find cheating acceptable? Did she think he would change his behaviour after she's shown that she'll just forgive anything he does? By forgiving him you're allowing him to continue in his behaviour.


Go back to Hong Kong as soon as you can, meet a nice guy and move on from this jerk. He's married now, if you want a future with him he'll have to get a divorce, and I don't think SH lady will let him do that!