Posted by
fealty123
18 yrs ago
want to seek help/advices about things that has been bothering me since..
i'm an xpat who fell in-love with an xpat. i'v met him thru an ads in the personals,we became chatmates,til we started meeting each other in other words we became bf n gf that lasts for more than two years..within those two years,we shared happy moments..
At that time, his friend told me that my bf got other gfS not just one or two but i didn't listen.. i was thinking that he's just trying to destroy us cos he's showing interest to me..but lately, i've found out the truth, he's really a womanizer cos i'v witnessed it by my own eyes so he couldn't deny anymore instead he's convincing me to be friends still if we can't be lovers..but i can't take it, it hurts me so much..
my problem now is no matter how i try, i can't take him off my mind, always remember the things we used to do esp on weekends like this.. and so i just ended up crying, blaming myself why did i let myself fell inlove with him..
PLEASE GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO FORGET HIM.
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fealty123, DON'T blame yourself for falling in love with that man... Sometimes there is no explanation to this thing called LOVE...
What you should do is to channel your energy to doing something you have always wanted to do...
No amount of words can bring much comfort... it's a period you will have to go through yourself... When he decided to call it quits, I thought I wouldn't be able to pull through... It takes time... now I am thankfully that we broke up... I am now meeting other guys whom I wouldn't have met had we continued the relationship and am realising there are much better ones than him... He doesn't deserve me, frankly... Thinking back, he is a selfish a**...
You would pull through... and life would be better than before... All the best... :-)
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Yes, all of your sayings are very ture. I also had a bitter lesson from the chat. I hv met a Singaporean Guy who was really nice - with his faked profile. Later I found out by chance was that he is using these all dating sites many years ago already although he is still a married person with six kids. And, he dropped me suddenly saying that he is too busy and disappeared since that time. Although I know that he is a player, still difficult to forget him and we did not meet each other.
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Two years is a long time to be fooled around. Didn't you see any signs of other gfs at all? Feel strange to me.
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again
17 yrs ago
Wow, i know that feeling, im kind of going trough the same thing here... Time will heal i guess, forget that freak, u r not blaming yourself for falling in love but i guess u feel bad that u didnt see things before, or maybe tried to ignore and when u couldnt take it u just ended... and it hurts now..
You did the right thing as it was going on for sometime and its not your fault, he is the way he is and he wont change and let him play and enjoy his life where im sure he is not as happy as he might seem...
It's not easy i know but dont do this lets stay friends thing, it's hard maybe but wont help u to get over it, i tried that and it made me feel worse..
He doesnt want u to think bad about him so my guess is that he will try to make sure u dont think that way..
2 years its a long time and hard to forget but u will get over it... it just takes sometime...
Try to control your thoughts.. you know it better than anyone in this world how to forget and let it go.. You had nice times with him but don't try to imagine how it could be if he didn't act the way he did... it happened and now its time to move on..
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thanks for all your advices,u r all right..
it's so hurting to think that i'v been fooled for two years..
It's like this, i could say he's so good in pretending cos whenever i was with him, i couldn't see any sign that other girls have stayed with him when i was not there cos he's so thoughtful,loving,caring. Although he has many calls,when i asked, he would say it's about business and there were times he spoke chinese(he's good at it)so i couldn't understand what he was saying.Until lately, cos iv learned a little chinese whenever he talked he moved away from me..which i didn't mind at all cos i trusted him.. whenever i tried to break the relationship, he didn't accept and always telling me that he'll never let me go cos what he has for me is TRUE LOVE, that wherever would i go he'll follow me..that all he needed from me is TRUST HIM so i believed his words but all those while he's cheating me..That's so painful..
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Sorry. Time passing will heal. I think GZ is also a really hard place for singles cos there are so few expats and, some of the ones you meet, well . . . . maybe there's a reason they (we) ended up here?!! Get involved with GWIC and maybe some friendships there could help take your mind off the pain and perhaps even know of a decent guy to introduce you to. Find any club where there are people who share your interests? And get a medical check, sorry to say! **It happens. Even one of my married friends got herpes from her husband (talk about painful, she was completely blindsided but, yep, she divorced him). You will recover, just actively try to find other things to focus your mind on.
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thanks for your responses!
since d moment i decided to end up everything,i lost interest dealing with other men, i dont entertain any at all,i'v got the fear that they will just do the same n will only be laughing at me in the end..and i'm not going out with friends anymore,i prefer to stay home..am just work-house-work-house now..i know what am doing is not good way to get over it but i cant force myself,but maybe this attitude is just for the meantime and just praying i will learn to accept the fact in the near future..the fact that we r not really meant for each other..
meiguoren, thanks for the concern, but am sure am healthy..
have a nice day to everyone!
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F100
17 yrs ago
dear fealty123,
think of it as him doing you a big favor.
you are mourning the side of him that is "fake".
he deceived you and all the other women he's been with.
ask yourself why you are mourning a person who is a complete fraud and has no feelings for you.
he's done this before and will do it again.
he's finally shown you his true colors.
count that as a blessing.
good luck to you and
good riddance to him.
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fealty123,
I am sorry about your story.... I am same as you before, lost the interest to dealing with men, just work-home-work-home, feeling blue, even don't want to see my friends too.
But something make me change lately as I went to hosptical few weeks ago. I was thinking life is too short, yes, sometimes you don't know what happen next and why not enjoy my life. But don't get me wrong, I am not asking you to meet guys and fxxk around. What I means it's why not spend the good time with your friends, meet them for drink, dinner , talk and laugh ..... etc. Take it easy and I know it's hard to do that but you have to, otherwise, you may regret. Take care
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HI LovelyD-I read about what happened to you in another thread. Are you OK?
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Girl it's time to get angry with this womanizing loser and get your self respect back.He played you for two years and he'll keep playing you if you stay friends.
All the wonderful things you did together that's the past,he probably also did the same with the other women he was seeing.What a creep.Doesn't it want to make you kick him in the balls?Breaking up is NEVER easy but you just got to empower yourself and get your life back on track.It will take time but you will do it.Take care of yourself and learn to love yourself.
The hurt wil pass and one day you will forget him.Cut all contact with him even his friends know him for what he is.
Wishing you alllllll the very best in life and love.
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Hi balzac,
I am ok now, thanks for your concern.
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thanks for your advice lovelyD, i'v been thinking about that too but there were times, when i tried to go out with my friends,i just suddenly lost interest going out instead of making them get bored with me, i just said,am busy..
as for momo8, i believed that he was doing it with other women also so i want to do more than just kicking his.. anyway, since we're over now whatever he does, he's responsible for it so i don't want to think about it anymore(but can't help to think bout it).. just hoping he would change for the better or maybe he changed already cos maybe he loves them more than me(other bitterness i have)..
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Time to slam the door not close it gently on this jerk.Time to empower yourself and stop wallowing in bad memories.Easy for others to give advice but everyone has heard about or has been in your situation.
Both to LovelyD and Fealty don't distance your friends get out and grab the day!Don't let these guys play with your mind they're not worth it just pond scum
Keep happy and healthy mind and body and time will do the rest!
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fealty123 > Yes, I agreed, it take time but I am sure you will overcome.
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momo8.. > Thanks for your short message to me. I am OK now and start my new life again.
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thanks lovelyd.. how i wish it will be soonest..
take care!
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