Posted by
Ivy2009
15 yrs ago
I have been going out with several guys through internet dating. During the first meeting, they will say "you look nice & sweet. and I lik talking to you very much..." They would also send SMS to tell you that he was missing you. However, they never try to call or even ask for a 2nd meeting.
So what is the problem? I really don't understand.. How can I make them call and ask for a 2nd date?
Soooooo desparate!
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you yourself said what went wrong...DESPERATION
if you act desperate and look desperate... men will run away
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What about asking for a second date yourself? Yea I know us girls don't like doing so because we wanna be worth to be seen again. And that can only be proven if the guy puts effort into it. Sometimes you gotta stand out though. I man with many options will choose the best option he has. Be the best option.
Also in my experience I have known men not to text and call the day after so I'd get desperate. I personally would get angry. I don't like people playing with me so I ask for open cards. Saying maybe you should ask him on the first date already when and if u guys gonna see each other again. Tell him to call you the next day to confirm the date. If he's not calling forget him. He's not interested. Next.
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Ivy, if you are interested in the guy and you don't want to come on as too strong or too desperate, how about send him an e-mail the next day, tell him u enjoy the date and if the guy is interested, he sure will call you and if he doesn't, then like Ice said so, move on to the next target...
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Allow me to invite myself to the "delusion fiesta".
That a guy had a great time and then never called back is unheard of. In fact, I am pretty sure many females can relate to that old story of the guy who "won't stop calling", right?
Soooooooo, when a guy doesn't call again, and unless his phone was eaten by a giant monster from the sea, he is simply NOT INTERESTED.
This is like the old "why after we slept together he never called back?". I mean, do you really, honestly believe that if a man had a great time in bed with you he wouldn't call again?
Men are hardwired to call back. Ever since the telephone was invented we are brought up by our mothers, fathers, and political and religious leaders to be the callers. And by the way, stop lying to yourself; a man that is "too shy to call back" is also too shy to put/reply to an ad on the internet, leave alone going to a date "unchaperonned". Ladies, use some logic, pleeeeeeeeeease!
Don't bother to call him because chances are he will have to lie to you out of pity, or even worse, he would be cornered into dating you again, so he will have to make sure he looks so bad you don't want to see him again. Simply move on and keep looking!
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thanks everyone... can I say if the guy is interested, he will definately call again? But how long will the guy wait to call?
Is busy at work a reason? Most men cannot handle 2 things at the same time, right?
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Totally agree with TXcowboy. If a guy is interested he'll call/email/text whatever and get you out on a date. He is unlikely to tell you that he is missing you (WTF he doesn't even know you why would he be missing you??). I would say give the guy some time... they all have different ideas about when to contact someone, so don't assume anything.
Also don't assume that a second date means you are dating them... they just thought you were worth another look at, they might decide you aren't.
I think you really need to calm down and stop acting so desperately and like a spoilt little child. Just chill out and have fun! Also, just because he wants a second date doesn't mean you do. Why don't you stop focusing on 'getting the man' and rather on having a great time and seeing if you connect?
Some guys are busy at work, some guys use it as a get out of anything line. Depends on the context. If they want to see you they will make time to see you even if it's 15 minutes for coffee at the starbucks in their building (but that's not really first or second date stuff).
To be honest, you sound niave, desperate, immature and if I was a bloke I would run as fast as I could in the other direction from a girl like you. Fortunately, I know how to have fun, and have no problem meeting great men. Try relaxing, being yourself and having a good time and you might get the results you want! Good luck!
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If a guy is interested he will send you a message on the phone the same night or the next morning, tops.
If he didn't reply to you during the next day, except in very rare occasions, that ship has pretty much sailed.
Then again, sometimes it happens that we guys need a "backup plan". We date girl A, which we don't really like and we don't call again. Then, a few days later, we date girl B, who we like but she is not the kind who will "do it" on the first night.
Then we find ourselves really "excited" (if you know what I mean) and without a girl, so we think "what the heck, we need a fix fast" and we call back girl A with some lame excuse "I was busy with work". Since girl A really like us and will "do it", is a walk in the park. The next day we don't call again, and try one more time girl B.
Sometimes we will even call girl A several times, depending on how long does it take to have girl B in our arms.
Hope it helps.
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Trust me on this one: Even if you tatoo this whole thread in your forehead they will still think that they have the magic xxx that will make you change your mind.
You don't need to worry about a thing.
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As a female, i found what TXcowboy said is absolutely true. I heard and seen so many same stories that the men fooling around women while those navie women still dreaming that the guys were different, and hoping that they will change for them...
p.s. Thanks TXcowboy for telling the ugly truth...
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Glowac106, thanks for your comment. As for pandabearest, respect is earned, not given away for free.
Women have a plan. Since they are 20 they date bad boys left and right. Then, one day, they become 30 and suddenly whoever comes first is Mr. Right.
We men have a plan, too. We pretend to be Mr. Right, take what we want and go to the next victim. Come on, do you really think that a nice young wealthy guy would really fall for a normal girl get married and give away half of his money, leave alone his freedom?
The title of this topic is "understanding men". I am a man, and very few men will speak about this as openly as I do.
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tpol
15 yrs ago
Women have a plan. Since they are 20 they date bad boys left and right. Then, one day, they become 30 and suddenly whoever comes first is Mr. Right.
I know alot of women that have behaved like this.
It's not really whoever comes first, it's more the best of 5 or so, usually, the bank balance or the career of the man earns them big brownie points.
I've asked a few of my female friends about this. I asked, who come your hubby is nowhere like the guys you used to date? Their reply was basically that their circumstances have changed and so their criteria have changed.
Early 20's was like party, get drunk, sex, etc with hunky, in guys.
30's is to settle down and they prefer a man who has a good career, financially stable and someone who can look after them (as the ones they met when they were in the 20's probably won't change).
That's why I say to alot of nerdy geeks out there who worry about not finding a wife let alone a girlfriend, that their time will come. Be patient.
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Everybody gets what they deserve. Trust me when I tell you that if a girls who marry the guys with little income and no blood in their veins do so because they simply couldn't do better.
"I've asked a few of my female friends about this. I asked, who come your hubby is nowhere like the guys you used to date? Their reply was basically that their circumstances have changed and so their criteria have changed."
Let me tell you what have changed. They can't attract bad boys anymore, and the sexy wealthy guys are not interested in old women. To me, 35 has always been where I drew the line.
So they have to look back at the guy with the thick glasses from the IT department, or the old flame that loved her since childhood but was living in a little town and making little money, and then they go with them.
The best part is, they glorify themselves by saying things like "well, I was young and stupid, but finally I realized that looks are not important". How about "I am 30 and I want a baby, and I know bad boys are way too smart to fall for this"?
As for the nerdy guys, I would rather don't get sloppy seconds. Nerdy guys should concentrate in making as much money as they possibly can, and then let 20-25yo girls go after them.
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if you're desperate - you could join one of these cruises
Beauty catches eye of rich beholder
Monday, November 23, 2009
A Hong Kong beauty who says her dream is to marry a rich man may get her wish.
The University of Hong Kong masters graduate, surnamed Chow, 26, caught the eye of a mainland multimillionaire during a two-day matchmaking activity on a yacht in Shenzhen waters over the weekend.
The trip was organized by an agency and attended by 15 self-claimed multimillionaires and 18 women from Hong Kong and the mainland. The 39-year-old man, said to resemble movie star Chow Yun-fat, was reported to have been attracted to Chow, who is said to be equally infatuated.
Nine other couples were paired successfully, though another Hong Kong woman, surnamed Lam, 33, had no luck. The agency said she was too picky.
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tpol
15 yrs ago
PizzaAce, the geeky nerdy guy gets them coz even these women at 30, the nerdy guy still thinks that they are hot. Furthermore, these guys lack experience with women, especially women who can pull out masks to hide their real self. And so, they are conned easily.
But to them, they got a dream girl. To the girls, they got that Caring, Safe man.
It works out and with the many that I do know, they've had babies and a nice family. They are financially stable, the woman doesn't work and is a tai tai with helpers who look after the children and the house.
It's is like what you see at pattaya. Supply and Demand and they come to a partnership whereby both parties benefit.
I don't see anything wrong with it either.
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Some of these comments make me believe in equality: Guys are as stupid as girls.
Do you think a girl who did hundreds of guys in her 20s is going to talk openly about it? Haven't you heard about the term "newfound virginity"?
That girl age 28 to 35 (if a 35yo girl can pull that off, that is) will look for guys that are not in her "area". This is easy because, as you know, these "safe" locals don't go to the places where you can find most of us foreigners. In HK that would be Lan Kwai Fong.
These geeky boys are not getting any smarter. They will feel blessed that the nice girl will finally "fall in love with him", and she will conveniently hide the extra miles in the odometer.
I think is fair and I am all for women (as well as men) using whatever means to achieve their happiness. I salute smart people regardless of gender.
As for me, well...I don't really care someone else picking up my old sofa or refrigerator after I threw it to the curb.
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feel so ashamed for guys here bragging about how glorious they are in using whatever means through life for their utterly selfish goals, for that matter and when it comes to female, to screw as many as possible .
You too have sisters, at least MOTHER? Or you did not? From what you expose here, sounds like you did not.
And as for over thirty and not "pure" any more, maybe it's because they learned their lessons in a hard way , lessons taught by guys like you here?. And, "pure", does that not mean "naive/stupid" in your dictionary?? jesus..
And the assumption that the girls at their twenties always (or most of them) date bad boys,.. who on earth did that research? generalise is utterly stupid thing to do. Let alone groundless judgement based on such.
There's such thing as feelings for most normal and emotionally healthy people, people who do not play, people who do not lie, people in who's world there is RIGHT and WRONG.
lying is not right, cheating is not right, raping is not right, playing with others' feelings is not right, playing with others' feelings to get into her(his) pants is not right, - worse than rapist to a degree, as it's another HUMAN's feelings and heart is under play, the most valueable thing in a human and what differs us from other beings!!
stop playing cool and vague. bottom lines!!
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merm
15 yrs ago
I know next to no women here in their 30's who were promiscuous in their 20's. 10 years ago people were a lot more conservative. Now some university students freelance as prostitutes or compensated dates on the internet as they call themselves. Prostitution is thriving in Shenzhen and Guangzhou and some of the negative effects have spilled south of the border along with benefits for the second class men.
I like to dance and go to clubs a lot. If you don't know me you'd probably think i'm a bad girl. The truth is i don't drink or smoke, stay well away from attached men, don't do ons, have always been faithful. I don't even wear makeup. When i'm not partying i'm always learning something, i watch hard talk and think about what will come out of copenhagen, that sort of thing.
Back to ivy's question, after a first date if i don't hear from him i assume he's not interested and unless i'm very interested in him i won't contact him anymore, not at all because there's plenty of fish in the sea - i don't like to reduce anyone to just one of many - but it has to be mutual. When a guy liked me right away, i've usually received a text within 15 minutes of saying bye. Usually it's just a really short sms saying goodnight but it's always heart melting sweet and i keep them!
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