Want to separate from husband

I'm thinking of separating from my husband. We have a 4 year old son and I don't think my hubby is very involved in his life. He still likes to go out every evening and likes partying at nightclubs where I have no desire for that type of life anymore. I think he should be a single guy instead. We're basically on completely different wavelengths when it comes to parenthood and I don't feel close to him anymore. He is actually a good guy but not what I am wanting for the father of our son. I would like a partner who is a more involved father. Many times I feel like a single mom so it wouldn't be too different of a life if I actually was one, right?


I've been really bothered by his mixed up priorities and don't think I can go another ten to twenty years like this. I also don't want to hinder him from doing what he enjoys either. So, i think it's best to go separate ways. I also would like another child but don't think he's a devoted enough father to have one with him. My thinking is that we should separate now because I'm 39 years old and I might have a chance to find another partner before I'm really past the 'best before' date.


Could anyone tell me what the legalities are about separation and divorce in HK? Are there any support groups for women who are going through divorce? I really need the support now because my heart is quite broken for a long time and I don't want to talk openly to my friends and family or they will just be worried about me. Also, does the husband need to pay child support even though the wife earns similar salary? Actually, I have my own business and some months I earn same but other months it's less. The problem is that the income is quite erratic for me. Right now, he pays rent and I cover school fees, helper, and our family food allowance.


Anyone who has been through something similar and can share some words of wisdom, I welcome your comments.

Hi 24 , did you ask your husband not go out every evening ? May be he out every night because of work.

Hi, 24.Did you ever talk to him?From your point of view,your hubby isn't bad.Before you make a decision try out communication...If it don't work I don't see any reason to feel bad like this...But here we may need more info.How long has this been going on...

Hi 24. Two issues here, the practical issue of finance and the emotional issue. Try and work these out separately.


On the finance side, there MUST be a law in HK that will require your husband to support you or at the very least his child. You must ensure that you continue to earn your own keep and not rely on your own upkeep on alimony.


On the emotional side...there are men who are unable to set their priorities straight. They want to have their cake and eat it too. They do not value what they already have chosen and committed to because they are always looking out for what's 'out there.' Maybe when you bring up the subject of divorce your husband will wake up and realise what he is throwing away -- the best that life can offer. All the parties and the women and the fun will be over. He will get old and the girls will get younger and younger and pretty soon... he is a dirty old man.


You will grow old, be a better person because of this pain (I hope) and move on to a better life that you and your child deserves.


There... spoken from the depths of hell and back.

Thanks for all your feedback so far. I'm really torn lately. I still love my hubby but we fight all the time--really terrible fights and they're just so damaging to the relationship. It's been like this since the birth of our son, very up and down. I'm so tired by it all that I feel like giving up. There are other things, of course, other than the going-out attitude vs. my stay home attitude. We haven't slept in the same bed for months and months because he is a very heavy snorer and I can never get a proper sleep, which of course, even tires me out more and makes me so irritable. Anyhow, these are just some of the things. I guess some women might say they're not such bad things such as cheating and maybe I'm expecting too much. I don't know, maybe I am, but I do know that I am quite unhappy most of the time. I just wish there was some sort of support group that I can speak to with other women who might be in similar situations--ie. troubled marriage after having a child.