Posted by
gerling
16 yrs ago
We were crazy in love,he is really loving,caring,sweet,sensitive,gorgeous,and he always touched my heart.
We seperated for half an year,cuz he wasn't able to break up with his girlfriend who is with him for 6 years and loves him to death.A month ago we met again,he said he couldn't forget about me and was always very sad,missed me even when he was with her.It broke me heart to hear that cuz I love him so much and missed him almost everyday,then we cried and tried to be together sometimes,things were just great...
Then he decided to be with me and to break up with her again,but surprised me again,he said when she really ran out of that door,a big part of him has left and it was really hard to take,he thought it was not right to leave her like that...
I know I have to let go,think he just doesn't love me enough,but if that's the right thing to do we already did half an year ago,why we are still here?He always said he knew that he wants me and really loves me but he was also just confused if there is so much love why he still isn't able to leave her?
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Thanks for reply Mikael,he is always very sad and feels guilty,and now we decide we are not going to see each other anymore cuz his father is really upset about what he did and he promised them not to contact me anymore.
I think it's the best way,for all of us.But it just breaks my heart so much,he is really a dream boy of mine,but no one is perfect,this terrible short coming that couldn't make decision and coudn't stick on it is really devastating me.
I am really leaving him this time,but I just wonder,am I the one he really loves?Or he really loves her but only has passions for me?Or he just loves both because he is not easy to be content?(Not physically though,he resisted so much cuz he said he wanted to simply be with me that's all.)
It might help me if I can really figure it out.
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If he really loves you, he would NOT be switching between the two of you... Move on gal... it's not worth it!
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Wow, this "love fest" sounds great! Except, if a man really loves you, he wouldn't let you leave him for any length of time, let alone 6 mths! Wake up and smell the BS girl, he wants his cake and eat it too. Ditch him and find someone you don't have to share.
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He isn't your dream boy... he is in love and dating someone else who he chose instead of you! He really isn't worth it!
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Thanks for the replies again I just try to move on and have some peaceful moment and got some sleep,haven't slept last night.
But again received his sms said he is sorry to contact me again but he hurts so so much,it's unbearable,he couldn't sleep and can't work,he doesn't want to but couldn't control and wants to call...
I really wanted to cut and ignore him,on the other hand I still wanted to help him?Am I just being stupid or I just love him so much that accept everything?It's so not me...
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Hey, I saw this in a movie once. Eventually, you'll all go out to a bar together, and at first it will be awkward - but before you know it you'll all be in bed together. Problem solved (just be careful - the above tends to happen to a real bad soundtrack, and with a very intrusive cameraman present).
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he probably geniunely loves the both of you, there is no reason physical or mental reason that he could not love you both equally at the same time. it has been known to happen. no one can really control that, only delude themselves that they can't love 2 people at the same time.
saying that, if both the women (in this case) don't agree to this lifestyle he needs to make a choice. and if he can't/won't then you need to make it for him. and the only choice you can make is to leave him.
that's the way it is, no one is evil or wrong or smart or stupid. it's life. you will survive without him and you will fall in love again, hopefully when you do everything will work out the way you expect it.
good luck!
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Love happens, but not all love stories have a happy ending. It doesn't matter now who he loves more, or if he's the one or not. What's important is how you feel, and what kind of love life you want.
You can choose to keep loving him, but it seems obvious that you'll be in constant agony and pain, and maybe occasional good times.
Or you can choose to cut him off, maybe you'll feel like hell for 3 or 6 months, but after the healing period is over, you'll find happiness again, trust me on that!!!
It seems like he's not strong or mature enough to make the right decision for the three of you, so if you truly want to help him, or if you truly love him, you have to be in control. Cut him off, it's for the best.
Good luck
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sicn
16 yrs ago
"But again received his sms said he is sorry to contact me again but he hurts so so much,it's unbearable,he couldn't sleep and can't work,he doesn't want to but couldn't control and wants to call..."
I can bet a million $ that is the same text he sent to his other GF when she walked out on him. Being "nice" and soft-hearted for a person who can't bear the pain that he had conflicted on others on himself, is completely a waste. Don't understand the "dream boy" thingy. He could have done all the right things but dare to hurt you like that. To you, he is totally forgetable.
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FKKC
16 yrs ago
I hope you can be strong and get over him. You are just one of his desserts. OK?
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Thank you very much guys,especially rasbro,Taya35747,sicn,that really helps me a lot!
For the very first time I chose to not "help" him to "get over me".I had been cared about him too much,now I need to think about myself more.
Thanks once again!!
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Hey Gerling,
my best advice to you is to move on. How do I know. ? cos I was in the same position as your guy...i too have been dating someone else, but a girl came into my life, and i thought i'd give her a chance..and true enough, i hve feelings for both of them. Or, had feelings. I found it hard to stop seeing the "other" girl, and would also send her txts like the one which you boy sent to you - you see, sending something like that makes the "other" girl feel special..but it doesnt necessarily mean that he wants you in the number one position. All of the comments above are true: if he does truely feel that you are the one, and that his feelings for you are strong..then he will choose to be with you. Sadly, he doesnt. And sadly, for one reason or another, his feelings for someone else are stronger. He just wants you in his back pocket..for when he's feeling down, or having issues with the "number" one. Sure, he wants you in his life. But, not in that capacity. And that is something which even he would find it hard to admit. He would make up excuses to say he loves you, missed you, cant be without you...but words are cheap, and are just it..words on a page..words on a phone..without any action, they are nothing..and meaningless.
In my case, I did the honourable thing, and cut it off after a while. I couldnt hurt any of them..and felt it was wrong. So, i broke the contact. Now, I can smile, and take faith in the belief that I did the right thing.
Best of luck to you. Find strength and love..within yourself..to love yourself. And not expect anything less than what you truely deserve.
:-)
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Ever read Dan Savage in HK Magazine? - as he says, DTMFA!
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Dear,
He does NOT love you, nor he suffers when you are not there. He wants you, which is different. By the way, he also wants her and as long as he can have you both he will be happy.
Why he miss you and suffers when you are not there? Because you deny him the candy (sex). Is as simple as that.
If you want to find out whether he really loves you or you are simply his plaything, tell him plainly: "We will never have sex again until you commit (marriage) to me".
Love is respect, love is commitment, love is unique and only shared with the family. You can´t love two people, that is simply desire.
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MS123
16 yrs ago
Quit it and have your own live. Why suffering for a men who doesn't really love you? ... One day you may probably become his number one but it is no meaning as he may have his number 2,3 or 4 behind. Who knows? Is he able to give you confidence? Woman does many things to delight her men and even get lost of herself. You have choice to be brave and happy!
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Thanks for the replies again.
Dear Michael1977,he didn't want to have sex and said just wanted to simply be together,sometimes it's me that wanted to do that for him,but he refused and said we will catch up in the future.
Dear MS123,he is a very sensitive and weak person and he also admitted that,he wanted to try psychological counseling.I still hope he can be happy,then I wouldn't worry about him anymore.
Luckily,after reading so many helpful advice,I really feel free and happy again.I still think about him but without pain.
Thanks again!!
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MS123
16 yrs ago
"still think about him but without pain". I had experienced that with a married man who is the one I love most in my life but no choice to be apart as wanted to get rid from pain. That situation drove me crazy and I wanted to die!!! Now, it has been 6 months being apart, am still thinking of him and feeling pain. You are luckier than I as you are feeling no pain now. Take care!
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JONAC
16 yrs ago
Oomskaap...you did it again...please read the post before me...hahaha.....I cant stop laughing...okie as far as your problem...that guy is just f*cking around I feel...which happens with almost every other guy...ask him to zip it up and leave...and U get urself someone else...there are tonnes of those so called nice guys around ;)
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Dear friend,
To feeling, we should deal with it decidedly. If not, you will hurt yourslef and others. The guy is not free. He does not have right to be with u. So, please enjoy your life and move on. Time is the best medicine. Believe me and Believe yourself. Make u bz and make more friends, gradually, you will forget the bad things and have a good life. Come on!
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He loves you and he loves her, this is normal and there is nothing wrong with it, and he is not a swinger. He is, however, going to keep taking you up and down with him, as he is too weak to make a decision and stick with it. The grass is always greener, the apples are always sweeter, and that girl I loved before is always more beautiful when she is gone from my life. If you like the ride keep going drama keeps some people full of life. If you want a love that is all your own you will need to move on. The more room you give him to keep going he will probably do it.
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i can understand this boy,but i do not agreen with his minds und actions..
so,girl,relax self,and in short-time forget this relationship..give urself some time,to clear think what u will do in the future with this man..
good luck!
jc
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Thanks bigbenyoga,you made me laugh and I agreed with you:-)
jc,I would have disappeared from his life long time ago,but I still had hope,cause we were REALLY connected,and he always made me think that I am his dream.But after all these things happened,I think dream should just stay in dream,it's just not real.I still think of him and look at our photos for minutes sometimes,but luckily I don't feel that hard anymore,probably I was extremely sad and cried too much before and now my heart is self-defended?Hopefully I can fully move on soon,as he promised me that will not disturb me anymore.
Thanks again for the wise adivice!
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He is, what we call in English, a player... Decent actor too probably.
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hey dear,
Why dont you try this once and for all ....... Do it the Stanley Ho way .....
Tell him you dont mind and share with the other chick but it will be $$$ dollar involved, plus you take the odd days ......... When $$ is involved you will see that the man will come to his senses .....
Otherwise, try flirting with other guys and let him know ...... you just didnt test the relationship enough to see if it is really worth it .... and see his response ...... and then tell him you love him as much as you love the other guy ...
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hey,
i was in the same situation but theres a difference.that is im in that guys place and im a girl.when i kept reading these comments i felt so sad.coz i did love both guys very genuinely.but in different ways.
for me, my current bf(lets say hes smith) is like a brother for me.and hes my best ever friend.i really love him and i dont want to see him in pain for a single second.hes my life and i can do anything for him.but u know the truth is hes not the person that i feel for.
i had a crush since i was in my teens(even before i met smith).(lets say hes john).
smith knows everything about john but smith asked me out coz hes like crazyly loving me.so we started our affair.i tried to forget john.but it was unsuccessful.after that so many problems cameup like yours.
smith cant even think of living without me.but john is still silent whether i begged him to contact me coz i badly need him.
my everything is john and i do really really love him for the god's sake.i know hes also loving me from his soul.but it seems like hes not disturbing us and i really honour that.i know hes suffering like hell but he bears everything silently for me as i guess.i did everything to go to him but my heart said to wait with ur boy friend(smith) coz hes innocent and he loves u like crazy.so i gaveup my only love for my best friend smith.i suffered and suffered like i want to die.i lost my whole set of examinations coz of these probs.i was blamed by my mom ,friends and many people for betraying smith.but now things are getting better with time.smith and me are living more peacefully.
so please dont blame people like telling them players.everyone is doing their best to be a better person.
u know real love is not having somebody u love by ur side.but being genuinely happy by seeing the happiness of the person u love.
" real lovers never get together,
those who gottogether never live as real lovers,
whos being apart will live as real lovers forever"
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Thanks for sharing your story seventhplanet2.
I know he is not a player, he is just too weak. His father blamed him for being unfaithful to his that girlfriend and they made him promise to not meet me anymore. However, few days ago, after we separated for 22 days I heard from him again. Obviously he is still suffering and said he was wrong to let me go, now he realizes how much he loves me and doesn't want to have a life without being with me so he wants me to give him an opportunity. He wants to be someone that I can count on, and he will try everything to make it work for us, even if he will lose family support and has to sell his property...
I know when he said that he probably mean it but in reality I think he is just not able to be strong. I am too scared to get hurt from him again, even though I still love him a lot. So I refused... It hurts so much, but guess this is the only way...
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Just leave him! Treat yourself better. Try to think about there are so many decisions in life which both have to make and face together. Can you really accept that he may possibly get stuck between 2 or even more options again? I think he is not a good choice for you! Make a complete full stop to this relationship and start a new life. Trust yourself...there is more nice time ahead. When you meet someone who is nicer, you will thank yourself in making a sensible decision today!
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I would say he mistakes his ex-girlfriend with someone else. Family Constellation / Hellinger Work strongly recommended.
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ODS
16 yrs ago
obviously he is trying to get 2 girls in the same time. he know how to make women love him - and mind you i guess may be more than 2 girls on his 'hand' now. good luck
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hi girl, I was in the similiar situation just like you. Probably I will his ex-girl friend role. loving him to death but still he dates another girl. We both love him and he enjoys our company. It is simple, he is SELF. He wants different love from different women, especiall who can stay with him for 6 years. I agree with you, he must be sensitive and good looking and other good qualities as a good lover. Girl, if you want to get married and settle down, you have to move on. He will be a irresposible husband and father. He is looking for love every day , every month, one month in his life will bored him to death...if you can stand him having a lover or mistress in the future. Then put up with him, if not, better let it go. You know what, when he stops dating another girlfriend, maybe he wont be so PERFECT in your mind.
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