Posted by
millian
17 yrs ago
Please can anyone share their experience?
How do you cope with this - really infantile behaviour plus 'falling madly in lust' with a 'masseur' half his age.
Has anyone lived through this and succesfully come out the other side?
do you stay or do you go?
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ador
17 yrs ago
Hey there, Do you mean that you are falling in love with a married man? I didnt really have this kind of relationship (you knew, means falling in love), I was interested in a married man, and he also interested in me (i sense it), we pay a lot of attention for each other and "flirting with eyes" always, the big problem is we are working in the same office, so I try to ignore him as I really dont wanna get hurt and it's not good to have this kind of affair in office, becos I knew I will get nth gut hurt and he has nth to lose. Recently I sense that some people is gossiping about us at the office, becos people knew that he pay attention in me.
So do you mind to share your situation? or we could chat in private, i do need help in this kind of situation sometimes.
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ador
17 yrs ago
Carmen
Thanks dear, I knew what I should do and you are right, that's why i'm ignoring him.
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I donot see anything wrong having an affaire with a married man so far as it doesnot lead to marriage.this is an emotional issue.
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Oh! Come on!
They're a lot of available single guys and girls out there - why want to get yourself get mess up with married ones and be the 3rd party. Very Silly, indeed.
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millian, so sorry to hear your man is acting the fool! First off, see a lawyer to know what your rights are. Get all your ducks in a row - believe me, as hard as this is emotionally to deal with, it's even worse if he decides to mess things up financially for you, too. Also, see a counselor, even (especially!) if he won't. DON'T let him have his cake and eat it.
check out www.survivinginfidelity.org
There are some really supportive people who've been where you are now and they have great advice and info to share. Only you can decide if you want to stay, but you can't do it alone.
Whatever you do, please take care of yourself.
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Little Carman and TGIF!!!! thank you so much for taking time to reply
I think the comment by TGIF sums it all up as far as I am concerned- acting the fool. Where she is concerned she has admitted that her motivation is money or a passport. (she is at least 25 years younger than my huband). It appears there are two possible men on her radar (both married) and the first to give her a passport or provide money will 'win' her! - He is aware of this but just seems to 'be in lust' with her that he cant accept this as being true. Are men really so naieve?
However I am in the secure position that financialy I am OK and what little money we have is in my name (no joint accounts). It is also my job and payment of rent and bills that enables us to live and work in Hong kong.
Many thanks for the website - I do have a wonderfully supportive councillor but this its just the sort of additional support I need.
It is courage and strength that I am finding it hard to find at the moment especially when you have been with someone for many years and survived many traumas together. I think if this realtionship was a 'love' match I would find it easier to make the final decision!
Thanks again to both of you for your support
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You're welcome, millian.
As for wondering if he really is that naive - many people seem to have the talent for lying to themselves. Or maybe he knows why she wants him and equally why he wants her and it makes sense to him. Either way, does it matter what his motivation is for screwing up your marriage? He's made a detrimental decision about your marriage without your consent, YOU now have the decision to make whether to walk away or wait it out. If you think divorce is tough, it might actually be the easier road to take. Reconciling with a partner who's betrayed you is NOT easy and it won't be easy for him either, tho I'm sure he isn't thinking of that now.
You have my sincerest sympathies and hopes that you can find the strength to make the decision that's right for you.
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I agree with Little Carmen - boot him out immediately.
When he's homeless and struggling with finances Ms Massuese might suddenly lose interest, plus he'll realize how much you do for him and will probably come crawling back with his tail between his legs.
Whether you take him back is entirely up to you.
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Please google "surviving infidelity." The website listed under that name has amazing resources to help you cope with this. My dad used this site when my mom was unfaithful. I hope this helps.
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I do not agree that millian's choice is "do I settle for this scum bag or am I prepared to spend the rest of my life alone"!
Rather, the immediate choice is whether to put her life on hold while she waits to see if her husband will decide to recommit to their marriage. At that point, she could again give HIM the power to decide what their marriage becomes.
OR she could decide now to separate and file for divorce now or later.
The idea that a woman in her forties (or any age) is "spending her life alone" if she is not married is ridiculous!
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Indeed. And it sounds like she's supporting hubby while he dallies with the masseuse. how insulting.
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hi,
Dunno who can advise why is it men in their 40's married life; not only their sperm motility is low / sleeping and their sperm is even if radiculous below 1 millions as I had no choice by kids thru IVF (ICSI) with lots of painful injections
Sad
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