Posted by
Hk-phooey
13 yrs ago
I'm from France and I have a good job in finance. I've been seeing an Indonesian girl who works as a DH for three years. I've tried to end the relationship many times because I thought our backgrounds were too different and I didn't want to give her false hope. But I can't seem to let her go. I need advice on whether I should stay with her or whether I should listen to the friends that say the cultural difference are too much to ignore.
Please support our advertisers:
I am also in a cross-cultural marriage. The fact that you are seeking opinions from total strangers is significant, surely?
You are obviously attracted to this woman, but in your heart you know that a full relationshipe - living together, sharing everything - is vastly different to the way you are interracting with each other now.
A couple of questions you have to answer. Will she be able to live happily in a European country, or wherever you are posted next? Will your family and friends back home fully accept her? Have you ever spent a long period of time together, long enough to really see each other's faults and foibles, as well as the good things?
Most of the responsibility for making a relationship like this work will fall on your shoulders? Are you willing to take on that responsiblity, are you will to make significant compromises and concessions? Do you accept that in most Asian cultures a daughter retains significant responsibilities for her parents even after she marries?
Please support our advertisers:
A couple of other points. Firstly, does she speak French fluently? Ditto English?
Secondly, does she have at least a bachelor's degree?
If the answer to these questions is "no", then you are probably fooling yourself.
Please support our advertisers:
ummm, if you do not know then how can total strangers know? When I married some 11 years ago, we both knew. I didn't have to ask anyone else. If you don't know then wait until you do.
Please support our advertisers:
ummm, if you do not know then how can total strangers know? When I married some 11 years ago, we both knew. I didn't have to ask anyone else. If you don't know then wait until you do.
Please support our advertisers:
Thank you Woods, good advice, just what I need.
Please support our advertisers:
Dadda,
You are not working as a domestic helper, are you?
A relationship along the lines of the original post is difficult enough, but it would be a lot more difficult if there are significant educational differences between the two people. Some DHs from some countries have a good education (perhaps that is what I should have said) - and I think it is blindingly obvious that a good education would be a huge advantage in a situation like the one outlined, while the reverse is probably true.
This thread is not about you.
Please support our advertisers:
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail