Helpful suggestion for my 8 year old daughter

My daughter goes to an international school. She has mandarin lessons twice a week to help with her homework because I cannot teach her how to speak, read or write in chinese.


Her mandarin teacher called me yesterday to tell me that my daughter hates mandarin and since she started teaching my daughter 6 months ago, my daughter has shown no improvement. In fact, the past 2 months, my daughter has flatly refused to do her school mandarin homework. She comes out of the mandarin lesson with her tutor having written less than 5 characters.

I told the tutor to teach her only when I'm around (when I come home from work) but her teacher says that she has other lessons.


Yesterday her teacher called to say that my daughter just doesn't listen to her and I should find another tutor because I'm wasting money. She said that yesterday will be her last lesson with my daughter.


Her previous tutor was very good but raised the fees although, I believe she also struggled with my daughter.


I've tried talking to my daughter but my advices are falling on deaf ears. I was so mad yesterday that I locked her room door refusing to let her have access to all her toys, books and even homework. I told her that if she was not interested in doing her homework, I'd lock it up in her room along with the rest of her stuff.

She was very upset and co-operated more with me this morning.


However, I'm not sure if I should keep locking her door like this? Will it backfire and become meaningless one day, in the next few days?


What else can I do?


Elminating mandarin is not an option. She has to do it at school and her chinese grandparents (paternal side) really want her to do well in this.


I shall appreciate any suggestion from mothers out there.


I know I have a terror on hand :-(

I definitely think you should not approach the issue with such force. That will certainly cause your daughter to hate mandarin even more. I would spend more time speaking to her class teacher about alternative projects yoru daughter could do. Push for it! If changing schools and stopping lessons completely is not an option, think of what it is she dislikes so much. I guess as an 8 year old, coming in to a school with a Chinese language stream that is harder than she can cope with, your poor daughter must feel lost! My own daughter is aged 11 and at an international school. She copes with the mandarin very well, but she has been there since grade one. Your child has been thrown in at the deep end. My own philosophy and approach to teaching is that children can not be 'passive' learners. THey need to be hands on, inspired, and make meaning and connections with their world. If all her teachers are 'traditional' style teachers, then perhaps they are not inspiring her. A fantastic teacher makes all the difference. In my daughter's 6th grade, her teacher was wonderful. SHe didnt push my daughter too hard, and my daughter was placed in a Chinese as first language 4th grade class. THe chidlren were younger but my daughter acted as mentor, a role suitable for her. The teachers adapted lessons for my child! Talk more with your child's teachers. It is their responsibility to find a way to make it work for her. A weekly project that involves you or her grandparents taking her to a museum, a weekend in Shenzhen, a mandarin speaking movie. Discuss it, or not! STOP PUSHING HER! It will make her hate Chinese once and for all. SHe is only 8. It is still young! Let her explore the beautiful Mandarin language in a less structured way. OR pull her out of the school altogether. I would be very worried about a school that cant help your child's needs be met.

By the way, locking her room will not teach her to speak mandarin, maybe learn a few swear words yes. It will teach her to think you do not love her, that she can be rejected by her own mother. IF her grandparents cant accept that your daughter's approach to language learning is not a case of a 'switch' being turned on suddenly, then they really need a good talking to about how children learn a second language. I would really question why she "has to do it at school". SO often the Chinese lessons are so damn boring. My daughter was in a class in 5th grade that had 3 students to ONE teacher. SHe had NO control. My daughter told me how the chidlren all misbehaved. UNbelievable that a qualified teacher could not cater for three young children. Very questionable that such poor teachers are being given the role of 'inspiring' children to learn language dont you think? If yoru daughter does not participate in the mandarin lessons, or is given a book to read during lessons, so what?

i sent you a PM, might not be so helpful but....

I do not want my daughter to end up like me ... Overseas Chinese who cannot read the language. So, I started doing stuff my Mom never insisted during my childhood.

We introduced Chinese history to my daughter when she was 6. She knew her favourite emperor and was asking to see his tomb when we visited Beijing! We got her books about Chinese inventions, culture and heritage. At home, we prepare Chinese festival foods together. We are blessed to be able to find a private Chinese tutor who is experienced enough to go with the child's personality during lesson. My daughter loves her weekly Mandarin class as her tutor would end her lesson either introducing some Chinese handicraft, songs, dance or story telling. My daughter is now 10 and proud of her Chinese heritage. While her Chinese is not as good as her peers in local schools, her willingness to continue to learn the language is good enough for us.