50 Dating Dilemma

I'm a single American girl whose lived & worked in HK 10 years. I've come to the sad awakening that being over 50 and trying to find men to date is virtually impossible. I've tried the Personal Section on this site as well as some of the internet and match making services but whilst they have male members over 50 none are interested in meeting women over 50 and the don't even want 50+ females as members. What a more mature woman to do? Any suggestions ladies?

Hi, :)


You know what i've come to realize? Just have fun and enjoy yourself, pamper yourself with facial treatment, spa, the whole shebang. if the right one comes, it'll come. else you still have fun with your friends and families right? Most important of all, make yourself beautiful for yourself :)


Go out and meet more people, but don't think about whether he's the one or not, cos it'll drive you crazy!


Besides, we can always go out and have one night stand and never look back :P :)

HA! THE LITTLE DEVIL IN ME IS TALKING :p :)


ENJOY UR DAY :) stop worrying :)


kiwi-LJ :)

Hi usawmninhk


Have sent you a personal message. Please check.

Hi,

I posted a couple of asiaxpat ads to test 'the market' and perhaps be lucky and find someone to go out with socially. One ad not giving my age, but looking for a man, age 45+. I got a lot of repsonses from younger men and had a few really nice dates. Some could have developed to a long term relationship, but I really wanted to meet a man of my own age to go out with. I didn't want a toy boy and I don't do Demi Moore, although have a had quite a few opportunities to meet younger men. Perhaps must change my mind. No male 50 somethings around.

My second ad clearly stated I was looking to meet somone 50+, only a couple contacts. Nothing came out of those.

If Hong Kong is difficult, just guess how Shanghai is!!! A dead end, not only for a woman past a certain age, but for many Western women, I feel after observing the social circle here. I only arrived a month ago from Hong Kong, but have been visiting for business for three years. I almost got already packing to get back to Hong Kong and have a life. I won't give up being a woman and replace a healthy human contact with beauty treatments and pampering just to feel alive in Shanghai!

Hi

I've placed a couple of ads on this site and replied to a few. I've managed to meet some nice men and had some fun along the way. I agree, the 50+ guys are few and far between, and I think that most men who respond or advertise on this site are really just after a bit of fun - no long term relationship types out there. I figure if I'm not going to meet a soulmate, at least I've met some nice guys and made some new friends. I agree with kiwi Lj - love and pamper yourself and keep on trying - you just never know.

Aussie Maid

Thanks for all your responses. Yes I agree with you all we must make ourselves #1. If we don't love and pamper ourselves no one else will. As for internet dating, couldn't agree more. Any responses I have rec'd from ads were younger men and I too was holding out for the older men which seem few and far between. Kay-gee I wish you luck in Shanghai - think we both have to change our mindsets about younger men and be more open minded like Aussie Maid and Kiwi-lj. Hope the balance of the week goes well for you all.

Hi


I have the same thing going on the past few years, tried hard to meet people and looking for a boyfriend. Think i got more 60+ dates!


no chance, no way.


I 'd giving up and try to do something else, like have a pet or talk to my friends and family more. Now i think i have happiest time i have in my life. no more hassle to go out and talk to strangers, thinking they are looking for ONS, or they have wives....no more...move on darling...

Sorry girls but my wife is 55 and I am 45, she is my best friend and younger guys love older women. I would not even consider my life without her as her drive matches mine at our age. Lots of my male friends all want older women for the particular reason that they know what they want and how to keep it. Most women get better looking as they get older, they just don't realise it.

Love and marriage is not the same for older people. Almost everyone brings a lot of baggage to the relationship. For Americans (with a national divorce rate of 50%), it is not as if you have a 50% chance of success. If you look deeper in the statistics, it shows a much different picture. The divorce rate for first time marriages is slightly over 20%. On order for the overall divorce rate average to be 50%, people who divorce in their first marriage have an average of 4 marriages in their lifetime. I have a friend who married for the first time at 63 to a women who was 65 and had never been married. That is extremely rare. They are both a little odd, but they seem to be happy together. Most people who are single in their 50s have at least 1 failed marriage in their past. We would all like to think we are pleasant, normal people. Somehow, the marriage dynamic brings out the best and worst in people. I am very cynical about love. If I tell a woman I love her, it seems to be an immediate license to exploit and abuse. If I keep the love issue slightly out of reach, she stays at her best behavior. I wish "real" love were possible, but I have lost hope that it is possible "for me". As an older man, I have adjusted to living alone. I miss being a part of someone else's life. I always prefer women of my own age. While younger women are attractive and fun at times, older women seem to be more in sync with my thought patterns. Unfortunately, older people can be rigid and intolerant. I have heard many older women say something like, "I have taken care of a man for 20 years, so don't have any ideas that I will take care of you." I understand that to mean, "I will trade a little sex and conversation for you giving me all of your money. Don't ever expect me to do anything, don't give me any trouble and don't ever expect me to love you." I have already made that trade and I would rather live alone. I think women like to say that in the beginning to set the ground rules for a relationship. I interpret it as saying I am a worthless chump and I should get ready to be used. All I really want is someone to really care about me and I want to really care about them. Given differences in political, religious and social views, it is almost impossible for someone of my age to find "real" love and mutual respect. I think most older people settle for a "business deal" type of relationship or a type of mutual exploitation. I don't prefer living alone, but it is better than having that type of emotionally empty relationship.

Hi, Basker


It's interesting to hear from a guy's perspective. In a way, it helps me to understand how men interpret what women say. I think no matter what age people are, we are always looking for mutual respect and "real" love, no matter how hard it is to find "real" love. :). It doesn't matter if we're males or females , we don't want to be taken advantage of, that's why women would think, "i don't want to take care of a man and work like a maid/slave". we want equal partnership, i.e. "you take care of me and I'll take care of you". 50/50 is what we're saying, well, most of us anyway :).


i hope one day you'd find someone who you can relate to and talk to as a close friend and a lover. if not, hey, it's equally good to have close friends whom you can talk to :=) and go out and have fun.


good luck.

Thanks to All for your suggestions and messages of support. Can't tell you how much they are appreciated. I am keeping a positive attitude and wishing everyone who responded all the best!

Nobody want to be taken advantage and that's exactly why the older you get, the harder for you to find the real love. 50+ is just too wise. Try to be naive and try to give without asking for return straight away. Love is more about giving. if you love someone, you would enjoy taking care of them. Love is business, and business lasts because both sides gain.

I am a single woman living in HK too.. Where do you go to meet qualified men in their 40-50s? I have no interest dating younger men.

I agree that finding a right partner is extremely remote for western women my age. Being 51 and widowed* in Aug, 2008, here is my summary of the negative factors facing us:


1. The no. of avaliable 50+ expat men is decreasing by the year (owing to exit or

death) while the no. of 50+ expat women is increasing

2. Those qualified few will most likely going after younger women

3. Younger men (expat or local) don't usually go after middle age women

4. Most feel uncomfortable dating much younger men (say -10 years)

5. Some women ruled out dating local men for cultural or language reason and

hence seriously limiting our selection

6. Most women in our age group was leaving dating screen for years and

hence getting rusty (and scary) for building new relationship

7. Our social circle is getting confined as we age and channels to meeting new men

are narrowing. (All men in my office are married but most women my age

group are either divorced or widowed!)

8. The feelings of children on our dating remains a prime concern

9. Being middle age single and holding more senior position at our work place,

expat women don't usally consider leaving for economic and job satisfaction

reasons

10.As the no. of divorce and widowhood (the average age of women being

widowed is only 55 in the States) keeps increasing after 50, there is

simply no relief in sight


Where do we meet qualified men in 40-50? Well, I wish I knew. But if you can find one, please be aware of fierce competition. My suggestion is that one should balways be at at peace with our own circumstance and live life natually, happily and with a great peace of mind. Enjoy your circle of friends and your children and who knows who's you gonna run into along the way.


* Try not being widowed in Hong Kong! The funeral arrangement was a real pain!!


Cheers.

I just wanted to jump in here to let everyone know that it IS possible to find someone! I'm American and I found my husband in China(he's German)... I was 50, then we were married a year later. AND still in love! So, I have suggestions for you if you're interested. I'm so glad to have found this forum.

Congrats to you Magic Lady. It's over 2 1/2 years since I started this thread and it was good to go back and reread the responses. I have a 50+ girlfriend who was widowed a few years ago who treated finding a new man like a business plan, made a conscious effort, met a gentlemen 3 years ago and is still in love today so I do know it's possible. Whilst people say don't try too hard, I think my problem is that I don't try hard enough and by try I mean getting out there and meeting new people whilst doing things I enjoy. That being said. YES most definitely I would appreciate any and all suggestions you may have. Cheers

Hi There, so glad to hear from you. Something so very important: don't look for

a man to jump-start your MOJO! Women need to work on restoring their Confidence,Passion & Desire in order to attract the man/relationship. Yes this does take some work and energy to give to ourselves. You know how we women are... we always give to others and stretch ourselves too thin and lose the vibrancy we once had! First off... where are you now in your relationship with yourself? You need to analyze where you are now and then decide where you want to improve and the life you're moving toward in say... 2 months! You took action in starting this thread, so take action again. Cheers and Magic!

Hi Magic, Thanks for your assessment and words of wisdom. Yes I like most women spend way too much time giving to others and dealing with work related issues and not enough time on myself so this is a good starting point for me. Cheers