Dear all, for anyone who has adopted here in HK and adopted a baby (up to 12mts old), how did you find bonding and attaching with your new bundle? Have been reading lots onthe internet and in books on attachment disorder and want to do the right thing. Also, how you manage with routines, feeding, etc as the baby will have established certain things by the time you get him/her.Any advice on what any of you did once you received your baby would be GREATLY appreciated.Just feeling a little anxious right now. Thank you.
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i think you have to expect that it will take a little while for the baby to adjust to his/her new environment, and for you to adjust to having a baby around. this isn't the case just for adopted babies though but something that mums and dads of natural babies (and babies themselves) go through too.
i would recommend reading "the baby whisperer" and "the baby whisperer solves all your problems". these books teach you how to read the body language of your baby and better understand your baby (amongst other things). once i read the books i could tell when my baby was hungry, tired, bored. it made such a difference. as soon as you can do that you will be able to learn your baby's biorhythms and fall into a routine that he or she is familiar with.
i'm sorry i can't comment on the attachment issue as we don't have an adopted baby.
i wish you the best of luck with everything. most of all i would say relax and enjoy every moment when the time comes.
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I adopted my daughter from china a year and a half ago when she was 10 months. We had a tough time for the first few days with lots of crying and detachement issues, but I just kept her close to me, as close as possible, for days on end until we built trust. I actually carried her everywhere in a snugglie and plied her with cheerios and it worked like a charm. another thing we did was to enroll in lots of mom/baby classes like Panda Junction and Kindermusik. Having activities to go to takes the pressure off of you and gives you a mutual goal or reason to work together. It was great fun and you get to meet some nice people along the way.
As for the routine, we didn't have one at first, but once you spend time together, you realize her needs and her biological schedule and build from that. I did find a big difference once we were able to establish that schedule. She had more confidence in what to expect during the day. It calmed her and seemed to help our bonding, as well.
congratulations and breathe easy, it is a wonderful process getting to know this new member of your family. You will find that every day holds a range of emotions, but by the end of the day she is a part of you like you never expected anyone could be. It is fantastic!
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Thank you both aurelia and iamsmak for your great advice. Actually, I have been on the baby whisperer website as really think her tv programmes are fantastic..(only just found out she passed away last year, very sad!). Will try and get her books.Yes, just read a book saying how important it is to keep your newly adopted baby with you 24/7 for the first few weeks/months to establish that bond. Makes perfect sense just like what you have said.iamsmak, interested in finding out how you found the whole process of adopting form China as we are worried we may be waiting too long here in HK for a baby girl. Did you try to adopt in HK? We are so, so looking forward to adopting a baby here and it's hard waiting. Thanks again for taking the time to write back.
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As far as routines/schedule go, when we adopted our daughters (both from HK) we tried to keep following the schedule that they were on as much as possible. We did not have a lot of problems with attachment, so I can't give much advice there. One comment about 24/7 though, I did not have them sleep with me. Both came home sleeping through the night at 3 1/2 and 4 1/2 months old. I wasn't about to mess that up! Believe me, from what I have heard and experienced it is much easier to adopt in HK. Have you been approved yet? I can remember our first time (4 years ago) we had to wait three months and it was hard. I don't think anyone really understood the emotional rollercoaster especially on the matching panel days.
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Hopefully, all going well we will be approved the beginning of next month. The social worker has interviewed the referees and I believe will now be writing to his boss re: us being approved. Do you really think it could be that short a time in terms of us getting a baby girl?? I know it is all luck and no one can say how many babies are available, it really depends, doesn't it? That would be great if that was the case. Work is going to freak out as I have told them what is going on but didn't tell them how soon as was unsure!! Plan on resigning as soon as we get the baby.
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hi again, just putting this thread to the top again in case it gets lost!!!!any advice on when/how soon you may get your baby (above thread).I know it all depends but if we are to be approved early next month, then we should be starting to prepare in terms of buying things, etc. What to you all think???
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It is so hard to tell. It would help to know if anyone has adopted recently and how long they waited. Like I said above, 4 years ago we waited three months. A year and a half ago we were matched as soon as we were approved, and so were two of my friends. (All girls by the way) Obviously there were a lot a babies ready for adoption at the time. I don't know anyone who has adopted recently so I don't know what the trend is right now. Has your social worker given you any indication of how long people are waiting right now? In terms of buying things, it's not too early to have the basics, crib etc. The first time around we had her room ready during the home study. Obviously couldn't buy clothes because we didn't know how old she would be.
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Thanks all, don't want to jinx things and the minute we are approved I am out shoppping for sure. I know it could be very quick and then again we could be waiting, just don't know. Our social worker really wasn't able to give us any indication only told us the figures in the last few months which were pretty. When I read about all the baby girls available for adoption inChina, it is incredible. Wil look to there if we are not sucessful here. Interested in the baby whisperer techniques in that listening to yor baby and knowing what she needs, etc.Any one of you followed her advice or just went on your instinct? I guess it is similar to having a biological baby and establishing routines, etc. Thanks for chatting, love hearing all of your experiences.
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20 yrs ago
Babies are also much more adaptable than we think. They will adapt to a new routine quite quickly, you may have 3 yucky days at first, but follow what works for you and you will find your own routine which works for your baby.
Good Luck
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