Under what circumstances is it OK for men to sleep with prostitutes ?

Under what circumstances is it OK for men to sleep with prostitutes ?


I have several friends who have a marriage in name only. The couples have no sex life, and few common interests. Kids are grown up.


They stay together, while the husbands sleep with prostitutes. Their wives either do not mind, or do not want to know what is going on.


The men justify this as follows : If a man is not getting food on the table at home, he has to eat out. My wife must know if I’m not doing it with her, I must be doing it someone else.


What do people think, is it OK ?

(Frankly I’m in two minds.)


p.s. one of the couples I knew in this situation did get divorced. The wife became lonely & depressed as she did not have a large social circle, while her husband has been busy with a succession of sleazy girlfriends. I think both were happier BEFORE they got divorced.

Each case needs to be investigated individually and find out WHY the wife stopped having sex with her husband.


Normally avoidance of sex is a symptom of some other deeper problem within the relationship.

It also happens some husbands do multitasking, ie. keeping an active sexual life with their wives at home while at the same time sleeping with prostitutes outside. Wives have no clue until later on when they got strange illnesses.

wowowo> Please spare us the bromides about the perfect wives wronged by philandering husbands. The real world is more complex; There is usually plenty of blame to go around when a relationship fails. Anyone who thinks they are perfect (man or woman) is already at fault.


MYHK > as you wrote, there are more likely deeper problems. Sex life problems are likely to be just a result of a much bigger issue in the relationship.


That being the case; why then do we seem to focus on sex so much ? Why does everyone want to break up only after this part of their marriage goes off the rails ?

Sorry, I am not going to respond to flaming / trolling.


I will say that infidelity is a common issue in this forum.

The question was - if a woman stops sleeping with her husband - is it OK for him to find it elsewhere ?


As I wrote, I'm in two minds.

I am not talking about temporary situations, I am talking about where the marriage has deteriorated to the point where there is no prospect of the love life resuming.

Yes, divorce is an option, and, one of the couples I knew in this situation did get divorced.


After the divorce, the wife became lonely & depressed as she did not have a large social circle, while her husband has been busy with a succession of sleazy girlfriends.

Finally, they realized, they were both were happier BEFORE they got divorced.


Watching that couple go from a bad marriage to even worse single is why I am in 2 minds about this.

as a woman, i think it's ok for single men to sleep with prostitutes.


there are many reasons/excuses for married or attached men to do so. from what i see, those men would not try to solve the root problems but just do it and tell others that it's because they don't get it at home... its kinda sad

CaptDave: just my two-cents


When a man and a woman is in a marriage, then the woman stops sleeping with her husband. In such a case, it makes sense when both of them starts communicating about it from heart-to-heart, to find out why the woman stops sleeping with her husband, has he hurted her without he's being aware of it, perhaps not physically. Has he blurted a sharp word? The fact is we all can't avoid making mistakes. We're all human beings. Human beings tend to make mistakes. Even machines get jammed from time to time. Nothing is perfect. We also have feelings, and sometimes we (men and women) do or say something which hurt the other without our being aware of it. That's why there's all these xmas thingy year after year, the time to forgive each other and start a new page.


When the communication things don't work, then see a doctor or a marriage therapist. Many couples survive marriage and able to stay happily married though the sex is not as steamy as when they freshly married. The Superman Christopher Reeve and his wife stayed married for many years after the accident, when the husband couldn't do it anymore obviously. Marriage should only be for people who are willing to grow mature intellectually and be the positive role model for the next generation.


If the man got tired of his wife, and this happens, then he can use different techniques, create more romantic moods, take a short romatinc weekend, focus more on enjoying the intimacy only with the wife. At least no guilty feeling afterwards.

You seem to be asking two different questions.


First is about a married man. If sex life between a husband and wife has swindled to non-existing and the situation is bothering the husband so much that he considers sleeping with prostitutes, then I’d say it is high time to discuss the situation with the wife.


The husband should state the fact, i.e. we have not had sex in this marriage for a long time and the situation seems to be permanent. What is the wife’s opinion of this and does she have a reason or an explanation for it? Can the situation be changed? And if the situation cannot be changed, then the husband has to make it clear that he cannot continue this way any more, and is thinking of going to prostitutes to have his needs met.


Then, if the situation still cannot be rectified to the couple’s mutual satisfaction, and if the wife does not oppose or does not seem to care, the husband can sleep with prostitutes. Or the marriage ends in divorce because of this.


If your question is strictly as your title; “Under what circumstances is it OK for men to sleep with prostitutes ?”, I would say when the guy is single and does not have a girlfriend or cannot / does not want to find a ONS. Then it is okay to simply pay for the service and get the need filled.

Sorry, Dave. I don't think it's ever acceptable to sleep with a prostitute. I know that's not very open minded of me.


If I found out my fiancé had slept with a prostitute before I met him, I wouldn't marry him. I think it's dirty and it'd taint our relationship.


However, if a chap gets it for free, that's fine. No food on the table, you gotta eat out!! Man or woman!

Ok, hang on, I know a friend this happened to. He didn't go off and find a prostitute, but he did get to where he had a good old talk with the wife and said, hey, put out, coz thats the woman I married! And if you feel its ok to not put out, then you should also know that I expect that in order to compensate for that you will also be ok with me divorcing you because I would rather do this the honest way before finding someone who will put out.


I mean, come on. You get married its not just for 5 years. Its for a lifetime (or so you hope) and it would be nice if you knew that your wife, or husband, would still be keen on bumping uglies with you 10 years down the road.


Sex is a vital part of a good relationship. Its communication of body and mind (in many cases)...and if you ignore this aspect of a relationship you might as well be roomies!


I mean, guys have hormones that keep them keen all month long, women have hormones that keep them keen for about a week and the other two weeks they have to "make some effort" to get enthused...and of course there is the one week "time out" that some women welcome as a break from having to put out.


Peh, its all a matter of the individual. I know a lot of couples who are still mad about each other, at it like rabbits, a decade or two on. Then there are others who brought in that wedding cert and found it to be the most potent form of birthcontrol out there!


CaptDave: Here's what I think. I understand if you are in two minds. I too think it has to be researched why the wife stopped putting out. In my friends case, his wife just got content with having 3 kids and being a mom...and the sex bit was too much for her to muster enthusiasm for. Of course, after the talking to, she began to make a bit more effort, and somewhere along the way remembered how much fun it was playing hide the sausage. So I guess, they are good, for now.


But if a woman staunchly refuses to put out, giving no chance for there being a change of circumstances in the future, she cannot seriously expect her man to be working on hairy palms for the rest of his hormone driven life. I think she should face the fact that if she aint willing to ride the pony, plenty of other more nubile nymphs are probably gonna be more than obliging.


Many women get to where they no longer look at their men as "a catch". But hey, he was once a catch in your eyes, don't be a fool to think he isn't still capable of being one in some less jaded eyes. He once made you laugh, he can still make someone laugh. He was once funny and sexy, he can still be. Its a good thing for people to never get complacent with the wonderous person who once won their heart as well as a one way ticket to underpants heaven!


Be grateful for the awesome person you are with, people! Go home and show em this very evening! Lol.


That said, when a woman isn't putting out, there is generally something fairly simple like not finding her man attractive anymore. That chemical high has gone dead.

Now wait a minute there Justin, mate. My friends tell me their libidos vanished after having kids. That's got nothing to do with finding a chap attractive and whatnot, that's just biology! It's not really fair to dump your missus like that. I do agree that not putting out will lead to cheating but I am cream crackered when I get home! Nothing is more of a turn off than lethargic sex for the sake of it, and I think my fiancé is the sexiest thing on two legs!


Also, are women allowed to see prostitutes if their men don't put out?

Get home after work, I mean. Typing on the iPhone isn't as easy as on my laptop!

Yes, I think women should be free to see prostitutes if their men don't put out.


LOL.


Yeah, right! Like thats even a feasable option.


Ok, so lets backtrack, and lets say, for research or arguments sake, that babies kill libidos. Not male libidos, just female. Whats the solution? Is it fair to expect both parties to actively try to combat this loss of libido or is it fair to just expect hubby to look at the rest of his paternal life as being sex free?

There is a big, possibly wrong, assumption being made here.


The assumption being that the sex has stopped because the wife does not 'put out'. There are lots of reasons why sex might fizzle out over a long period of time. And this can often be mutual. Basically they have lost interest in sex with their partner.


Often some temptation will come along that re-awakens the interest in sex.

- Be it an affair of the heart (emotional infidelity) where you fall for someone and you have an inappropriate friendship that is non-sexual but romantic. The sex angle may be carried out in private and alone.

- Be it a fling. Perhaps leading to a one night stand followed by guilt. An innoculatory experience is a term I read posted on here a long time ago.

- A full blown affair.

- Serial adultery.

- Or using prostitutes. Maybe only at the Happy Ending massage parlour, maybe a full service. Not many people actually 'sleep' with prostitutes.


The latter is mostly a male thing, but not exclusively. But all the others, including serial adultery are far from exclusive to men.


Comparing the use of a prostitute against some other options, it is perhaps a lesser evil, as the heart is not involved. One of the advantages for the customer is that there are no entanglements.

And so if you have an itch that you must scratch, I suppose philosophically prostitutes are a better option.


Is it ever OK? Unless you are in an open marriage, I would say no.

But before the bible bashers come out to play, we all fall short in our lives. We all lie.

Well put. No one is perfect. I think its hard to imagine being in that position where I lose all attraction to the one I am with, but I guess you should check with me 10 years and a baby down the road, but for now, all is still going good and hard to believe it could be anything but.


Its a tough one...the thoughts of using prostitutes has this kinda seedy feel to it, like lord knows how many others have grazed that pasture before you got there, eh? And thats what grosses women out the most, me thinks...that the one they love, care about, maybe even married...stuck his schlong into something that has seen more action than the shores of Normandy. Its not the "it was not an emotional connection" thing they are thinking of first, trust me. No sighs of relief happening.

The issue here is that relationships serve multiple purposes.


Emotionally men may be tied to their wives and vice versa, but for some reaon the sex has deteriorated.



I have friends where the wife is so disgusted with the husband's insensitivity to her that she cuts off the sex. I think it is wrong, and ultimately, not in her best interests, but she does it anyway because it is her only 'weapon' against him.


He goes off and finds 'satisfaction' of a kind elsewhere... but in reality, he still loves his wife.


The issue is communication.


Yes, they are 'happier' before the divorce.


In my rather poor opinion, I believe it is best for those in relationships to try to work it out. Love ebbs and flows... things come and go, but ultimately, there is that love one feels for the other... usually, at least... That is what you must work to restore. It can't always be salvaged, but if you try hard, it probably can.


I am not sure that prostitutes is the answer though as it introduces a third element, and that can make the whole process more difficult and confused.


Love is not really about bodies.